More on Honey, two bee or not two bee
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Posted:Feb 17, 2012 9:36 am
Last Updated:Feb 21, 2012 3:43 pm 2861 Views
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Why do bee's hum?
Well you would hum too if you had your honey between your legs.
A group of bees were out collecting nectar, finaly, one bee said "I have to go to the bathroom". They looked down and saw a BP service station. All but one bee went down and relieved themselves. When they came back they asked the bee why it did not come with them. The bee said, "I can wait". On they flew. Soon another bee said "I have to go to the bathroom". They looked down and sure enough, there was a BP service station. Down they went, except for this one bee. This went on a couple of more times and each time this one bee did not join them. On they flew in search of the nectar. All at once the bee looked down and saw an ESSO service station. Quickly the bee said "I have to go to the bathroom now" Down the bee went. The rest of the bees waited for him. Soon the bee flew back up to the group, and they went on their way.
The moral of the story, In every group there is always an ESSO BEE.
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yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum, been there, done that.
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Posted:Feb 16, 2012 9:25 am
Last Updated:Feb 21, 2012 3:44 pm 2701 Views
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Have you ever felt like you were from a different time or life?Could I have been a buccaneer or privateer or some old tar in a previous life? I love everything about the old wooden sailing ships. I watched the Onedin Line, read and re-read Alexender Kents books, like to read history on the big ships, tried to see all the movies on sailing ships, felt like I lived the life as seen in the movie Master and Commander(Russell Crowe). I have been on HMS Victory, it felt like I belonged there, I knew where every thing was(and never bumped my head on any of the beams. Even got a tattoo in Portsmouth. I can recall the names of Ports and Countries of the late 1700 and 1800s from England to the West Indies. I can swim, but not very well, like dark rum, can say RRRRRR like a real pirate and like being at the ocean.
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Oh Honey
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Posted:Feb 12, 2012 8:44 am
Last Updated:Mar 4, 2012 8:52 pm 3101 Views
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I am irritated with the labling of "ORGANICALLY PRODUCED" on many food products. Some ok perhaps, but field produced awwww. Wind drift comes into mind, voluntary wheat, oat, and cereal grain carried by animals, birds, insects from one contaminated area to another organic area. How do you really get ORGANIC HONEY. The International Bee Research Associan(IBRA) says bees travel up to 4 miles(6.5kilometers)(I think it could be a little more) and can potentialy cover 50,000 acers. There are very few ORGANIC farmers, so what stops the bee from going into a neighbours feild?
Do beekeepers give the bees a pep talk and tell them where they can go and what flowers or blooms to get nectar from? Oh and another I saw at Costco, "Wild Organic Blueberries", who knows what pesticides the Forestery service or locals might have sprayed in the area to control Dutch Elm disease, Pine beattles, mosquitoes or other dipteran flies(the females which suck the blood of animals like horses on a ranch)
Organic labeling is a money grabbing scheme on gullible health nuts. Unless you can be 100% sure the produce was grown under a complete controlled environment with no chemical intervention, you just might be thowing your money and health away.
If you have stomach problems, honey might be the thing you need. The antibacterial activity of honey is effective against the bacteria Helicobacter Pylori which causes stomac ulcers. H-Pylori overgrows if you are taking an acid reducing medication like Omeprazole. If you have heartburn for three months or over, see your doctor, it could be a more serious problem.
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babies, puppies, old folks and old dogs
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Posted:Feb 11, 2012 5:49 pm
Last Updated:Feb 18, 2012 4:23 pm 2845 Views
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Before the advent of disposable diapers we used cloth diapers on the baby and news paper on the floor for puppy training. Now a days there are pampers for babies and puppy training pads. Well our K.C. is now a senior, hard of hearing, joint pain, failing eye sight and all that old ageing stuff. She also has that bladder problem, when she has to go, she has to go now, so we had better be fast at getting to the door. At night it is a problem because we (well me) are slow at getting out of bed. By the time I catch up to the old girl (K.C. not my wife) she may have gone on the floor or rug. Soooo, like old people with weak bladders who wear suppose (incontinent underwear) we are putting down incontinent pads for K.C. and it works. Our other two chihuahuas use a kitty litter box, but we never taught the old girl that trick. Anyway, the pads work and save us from having to clean up a lot of wee wee or wet paper. The pads have baking soda in them to help with odor control, and stop the wee wee from soaking into the floor or rugs.
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gone it.
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Posted:Jan 28, 2012 6:30 am
Last Updated:May 12, 2013 6:10 am 3081 Views
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A lady had a new door bell put in. The first time some one rang the bell, her ran and sat in the corner. "Strange" she thought he never did that before. Next time the bell rang, the ran and sat in the corner. "Very strange" she thought. In fact every time the bell rang the ran and sat in the corner. The lady was getting worried and decided to take her into see the Vet. "Doctor" she said "every time the bell rings my runs and sits in the corner". The Vet looked at the and said "that is perectly normal; he is a boxer".
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Twilight time
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Posted:Jan 24, 2012 9:51 am
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2012 4:44 pm 2835 Views
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Who other than young do not know the difference between dawn and dusk, sunrise and sunset? Well, it seems a lot of adult/teenage drivers dont.
Playground zones in the City of Red Deer are in effect from dawn to dusk. To give the drivers the benefit of doubt we only enforce the speed limit from half an hour after sunrise to half an hour before sunset. Example, today dawn is at 7:50am the sunrise is at 8:28am, dusk is at 5:45pm and the sunset is at 5:07pm. We will not ticket until 9am or after 4:30pm. Also we set our speed limit at 13kph(8mph) over the posted limit, so if you are going at a speed of 30kph(18.6mph) you won't get a ticket until 43kph(26.7mph) Still, there are drivers who will contest the ticket just after 9am or just before 4:30pm because "I did not see the sun yet, or the sun had gone down". More so if it is cloudy and they can not see the sun at all. The time is on the ticket. Google or look up the time for dawn and dusk before you complain people! Jeeze you have already been given a break. School zones? Hey, it is set times that every driver MUST know. Still, we allow 13kph over the limit before we ticket, and people still complain.
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It's in the book 5
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Posted:Jan 21, 2012 5:34 pm
Last Updated:Feb 18, 2012 4:43 pm 2908 Views
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The provence of Alberta is going to lower the breathalyzer test from .08 to .05. After one drink most people will blow a .05 on the breathalyzer, that would be a single glass of wine with your supper, a beer, or one 8oz drink of hard liquor. Did you know that some people will even blow .02 after an 8oz glass of milk. Correct, .02 after an 8oz glass of milk, it was in one of my medical journals(of which I can not seem to locate).
I am not, nor will I ever be a proponent of drunk driving, but if Alberta is going to be "holier than thou" with harsh drinking and driving laws, why don't they be proactive and provide government acceptable breathalyzers, at cost, for all it's citizens. Let's be proactive. That way any citizen who does blow below .05 to .08 can hang around the restaurant for 4 hours before driving in case they are stopped by the law and givin a 24 hour licence suspension and have their car impounded(the least action taken) plus a big fine(total action taken). Talk about a cash cow ticket.
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It's in the book 4
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Posted:Jan 19, 2012 5:10 pm
Last Updated:Jan 21, 2012 5:35 pm 2592 Views
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A large lumber conglomerate working in South America came across a forest of very rare trees. These trees were home to a lost tribe of natives who had no contact with the outside world. The natives were very primitive and still lived in houses made of grass. The King of the tribe had a huge house made of grass with an attic in it. The attic was an area where he kept things of importance to him and the tribe. The foreman in charge befriended the King of the lost tribe and showed him the marvels of the modern world. The King asked if there were other Kings in the modern world, to which the foreman said there were, and that the Kings live in palaces and sit on thrones. "What are thrones" asked the King. The foreman informed him that they were chairs of royal power that the Kings sat on when they received their subject to solve problems and make rules.
The King wanted to meet these other Kings and see their thrones. The foreman informed the King that if the King let the lumber conglomerate have the trees in the forest that he would take him to visit the Kings of the modern world and their thrones, and pay for all expenses.
He was so impressed with the other Kings and requested to buy a replica of their thrones. Each time he bought a throne he would have it sent to his home and have it stored in the attic.
After visiting the last Monarch on the list, the King went back to his tribe to resume his duties. Each week the king would have a new throne brought down from the attic and the old one put back up. He must have had 25 thrones stored up in the grass attic. The thrones were large, and each one heavier than the last.
One day while sitting on his selected throne, the grass attic gave way, and all the heavy thrones fell on the King, killing him.
The moral of the story is, people who live in grass houses shouldn't store thrones.
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It's in the book 3
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Posted:Jan 16, 2012 3:56 pm
Last Updated:May 12, 2013 6:12 am 3109 Views
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A poor old fisherman named Benny was out fishing one day when he caught a strange looking fish. As he began to haul it into the boat, the fish spoke to him. It said "please mister fisherman don't catch me. I am a magic fish and if you let me go I will grant you one wish. But before you wish I must tell you that for the wish to come true you must never shave again. If you do you will be turned instantly into an urn."
Benny thought for a few moments, "If I were rich, I could give my wife a good home, provide good food and health care and put the through school. We could be happy and healthy and I would never have to fish again. All I have to do is stop shaving forever. I could do that,"
"Ok fish" said Benny "I'll do it." and put the strange looking fish back into the water.
"When you go home" said the fish "you will find your wife and waiting for you at the door of your new home, and there will be enough money in your bank account to last you as long as you live, but remember our deal. If you shave even one wisker, you will be instantly turned into an urn forever".
Many years went by and Benny's beard grew and grew. It was so long that some days we would step on it and his face would hurt and bleed. Other days he would sit on it and his face would hurt and bleed. It kept getting into his food, people would laugh at him and it kept getting caught on things.
One day Benny could not take it any more and he thought to himself " I have had a good life, my wife was happy right up to when she passed away from old age. My have had a good education and are all doing very well for themselves, they are health and happy. This beard is really getting me down, so I think I will shave and end it all." With that, Benny got his razor and shave cream. He lathered up, and with the fall of the first whisker, he was turned instantly into an urn.
The moral of this story? A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.
It's in the book!
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It's in the book!
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Posted:Jan 15, 2012 4:35 pm
Last Updated:May 12, 2013 6:11 am 3126 Views
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Ok now, I dun got my feet wet. Way back when, I used to sit in front of the record player and play the old 78rpm records. You remember, like Spike Jones, George Formby, Bob Hope, etc eh? One that really stuck with me was a Johnny Standley recording back in 1952 called Grandma's lye soap. It starts out with a comedy story of how Little Bo-Peep lost her sheep, then goes into Grandma's lye soap. Look on America Music and memories. Then tell me if you enjoyed it. You have to belive it, it's in the book!
Got a favorite of your own?
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