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| Blogs > ShannonC > A lesson to be learned |
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Chatroom Conflict (Flaming) The Golden Rule of Flaming: Flames should be witty, insulting, interesting, funny, caustic, or sarcastic, but NEVER, EVER, should they be boring. The twelve commandments of flaming are: 1) Make things up about your opponent: Its important to make your lies sound true. Preface your argument with the word "clearly". Example: "Clearly, Fred Flooney is a liar, and a dirtbad to boot." 2) Be an arnchair psycholgist: You're a smart person. You've heard of freud. You took a psycholgy class in college. Clearly you are qualified to psychoanalyze your opponent. 3) Cross-point flames: Everybody on the Net is just waiting for the next literary masterpiece to leave your terminal. 4) Conspiracies abound: If everyone's against you, the reason can't possibly be that you're a sh--head. There's obviously a conspiracy against you, and you will be doing the Net a favor by exposing it. 5) Lawsuit threats: This is the reverse of rule #4 ( sort of like yin & yang of flaming). Threatening a lawsuit is always considered to be in good form. 6) Force them to document their claims: Even if Harry Hoinkins states that he likes tamato sauce on his pasta, you should demand documentation. 7) Use foreign phrases: French is good, but latin is the lingua franca of flaming. You should use the words "ad hominem" at least three times per article. Other favorite latin phrases are "ad nauseum." "veni vidi, vici," and "fettucini alfredo."  Tell 'm how smart you are: Why use intelligent arguments to convince them you're smart when all you have to do is tell them? State that you're a member of mensa, or mage, or dorks of america. 9) Accuse your opponent of censorship: It is your right to post whatever the hell you want to the net. QAnyone who trys to limit your cross-posting or move the flame war to email is either a communist, a fascist, or both. 10) Doubt their existance: You've never actually seen your opponent, have you? And since you're the center of the universe, you should have seen them by now, shouldn't you? Therefore, they don't exist! This is the beauty of a flamers logic. 11) Lie, Cheat, steal, leave the toilet seat up. 12) When in doubt, insult: If you forget the other 11 rules, remember this one. At some point during your wonderful career as a flamer you will undoubtedly end up in a flame war with somebody that is better than you. This person will expose your lies, tear apart your arguments, and make you look generally like a bozo. At this point there is only one thing to do..... Insult the dirtbag! Example: "Oh yea? Well, your mother does strange things with vegetables". |
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4/3/2007 12:10 pm |
Very well said.
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This is funny! Nooooo, leave the toilet seat down! 
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4/3/2007 3:40 pm |
Belle- ROFLMBO- you dun it again!!! tooo funny........
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Hi Shannon, Very funny...but also some excellent messages! Take care!
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4/3/2007 5:20 pm |
Mui F'en Bawn'o.....My french and latin suck worse than my english or mexican..So, Very (deleted word) Good... Love it but tell me what exactly is wrong with veggies and a toilet seat left up??? HUMMMM? Oh...now I understand..lol lol lol great post my dear!! Dan
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