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Texas Cowboy 3/10/2007
A Texas cowboy read in the paper that Alaska had become a
state making Texas the second biggest state. He became
so upset being a resident of the second biggest state that
he went to Alaska to see how he could become an official resident
of Alaska. He walked into the first bar he found and announced that
he was ashamed of being a resident of the second biggest
state. “I want to ...
1 Comments, 65 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Sixties Stars revisted 3/9/2007
> It was fun being a baby boomer... until now. Some of
the artists >of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics
to accommodate aging >baby boomers. They include: > > Herman's Hermits - Mrs. Brown, You've Got
a Lovely Walker > Ringo Starr - I Get By With a Little Help From Depends
> The Bee Gees - How Can You Mend a Broken Hip > Bobby Darin - Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash
> Roberta ...
0 Comments, 47 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Special attendance 3/7/2007
Special attendance, Recruit Tom is a left handed person
When recruit training, the drillmaster issues order:
" Walks in step! "Tom stretches out the left
leg, other people are the right leg Thedrillmaster said
" TOM, can't you understand stretche your rightleg?
! " Tom " : You must look after me, my father is
an aregeneral I am left handed person. " When the training
start again, the drillmaster ...
0 Comments, 23 Views,
0 Votes
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The earth quake .....? 3/6/2007
One day, a person walking along the street, suddenly, had
tumbled.After got up, walked two stepps far, also tumbled
.Thereupon, he very quickly got up. But, resembled it's
the same as God cracks a joke with him, walked two steps,
he tumbled on the ground , again and again.so he was crawling
on the ground. The second person saw the first person crawlling on the
ground, was very strange, he ...
1 Comments, 33 Views,
3 Votes
,0.49 Score
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Tell me this won't happen to us 2/27/2007
LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES: >> >>An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone
to report that her car >>has been broken into. She is hysterical as she
explains her situation
to >>the dispatcher: "They've stolen the
stereo, the steering wheel, the >>brake pedal and even the accelerator!"
she cried. >> >>The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer
is on the way." >> >>A few minutes later, ...
1 Comments, 78 Views,
5 Votes
,5.10 Score
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My cat is better then your cat 2/26/2007
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were .
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant,
the third man was a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government
Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat, "T-square,
do your stuff." T-square pranced over to the desk,
took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a
square, and a triangle.
...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Exercise is Important 2/26/2007
The older we get the more important it is to incorporate
exercise into our daily routine. This is necessary to maintain
cardiovascular health and maintain muscle mass.
If you're over 40, you might want to take it easy at first,
then do more repetitions as you become more proficient
and build stamina.
Warning: It may be too strenuous for some. Always consult your doctor before starting ...
0 Comments, 34 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Nice Pigs 2/24/2007
RAZORBACKS
Last Tuesday, as President Bush got off the Helicopter in front of the White House, he was Carrying a baby piglet under each arm.
The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, sir."
The President replies "These are not pigs these Are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Senator Hillary Clinton and I got one for ...
0 Comments, 42 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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Pilot 2/21/2007
A blonde pilot
A blonde pilot decided she wanted to learn how to fly a helicopter.
She went to the airport, but the only one available was a
solo-helicopter.
The instructor figured he could let her go up alone since
she was already a pilot for small planes, and he could instruct
her via radio. So up the blonde went. She reached 1, 000 feet and everything was going well.
She ...
0 Comments, 31 Views,
1 Votes
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I Promise 2/20/2007
Artie and Liz had been married for over 35 years and Liz put
up with his tight-fisted attitude towards money, all those
years.
Artie had accumulated about a million dollars that he had
tucked away in the bank. But he made Liz promise that if he
died before she did that she would bury him with his money.
Being the good wife that she was, Liz promised him she would.
At Artie's ...
0 Comments, 35 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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Two sides to every story 2/19/2007
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing
wife.
Tearfully she explained, It's the druggist. He insulted
me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple
times before he would even answer the phone.
Immediately, the husband drove downtown toconfront the
druggist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist
told ...
0 Comments, 64 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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Now we know 2/19/2007
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a spot on their foreheads.
We have always naively thought that it had something to
do with their religion.
The Indian Embassy in Washington, D. C has recently revealed
the true story.
When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into
the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches
off the spot to see whether he has won a convenience ...
0 Comments, 26 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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Senior Dating 2/19/2007
Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are
talking.
Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for
a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted
to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."
Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment
punctually at 7P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a
fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! ...
0 Comments, 61 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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OLD 2/15/2007
"OLD" IS WHEN ... Your sweetie says, "Let's
go upstairs and make love, " and you answer, "Pick one; I can't do both!"
"OLD " IS WHEN ... Your friends compliment you
on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... A sexy babe catches your fancy
and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... Going braless pulls all the
wrinkles out of your face.
...
0 Comments, 26 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Super Bowl 2/11/2007
A man had box seat tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down,
a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat
next to him.
"No, " he says. "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible, " said the man. "Who
in their right mind would
have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting
event in the
world, and not use it?"
The first man ...
0 Comments, 17 Views,
0 Votes
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Hoffa and Kenneth 2/10/2007
Hillary Clinton was spending the morning at a primary school
in
Ithaca, NewYork to talk to the about her job as
a US Senator.
After her talk, she offered question time. One little boy
puts up his
hand, and the Senator asked him to say his name.
"Kenneth." he replied.
"And what is your question, Kenneth?"
"I have three questions:
First - ...
0 Comments, 22 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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JEWISH HUMOR 2/9/2007
A recently widowed Jewish lady, was sitting on a beach towel
at Cocoa Beach, Florida.
She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up,
placed his blanket
on the sand nearby and began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with
him. "Hello, sir, how are you?"
"Fine, thank you, " he responded, and turned
back to his book.
...
1 Comments, 76 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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How to 2/9/2007
How to Make a Woman Happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only
needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest ...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Your might have grown up in ND if 2/9/2007
** You might have grown up in North Dakota if...........**
You know how to polka, but never tried it sober
You know what knee-high by the Fourth of July means
You know it is traditional for the bride and groom to go bar
hopping between
the reception and wedding dance.
You know the difference between "Green" and
"Red" farm machinery, and would
fight ...
0 Comments, 15 Views,
0 Votes
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ND Winters 2/9/2007
Winter Temperatures
>>
>>
>> 60 above zero:
>>Floridians turn on the heat.
>>People in North Dakota plant gardens.
>>
>> 50 above zero:
>>Californians shiver uncontrollably.
>>People in Fargo sunbathe.
>>
>> 40 above zero:
>>Italian & English cars won't start.
>>People in North Dakota drive with the windows
down.
>>
>> 32 above zero:
>>Distilled water ...
0 Comments, 16 Views,
0 Votes
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Dear Husband 2/9/2007
Sunday - 4:35PM
Dear Husband,
I'm writing this letter to tell you that I'm leaving
you for good. I've been a good woman for seven years
and I have
nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell.
Your boss called
to tell me that you had quit your job today and that
was the last straw.
...
0 Comments, 28 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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know nothing 2/6/2007
This is something to think about when negative people are
doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this
story the next time someone who knows nothing, and cares
less, tries to make your life miserable.
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled
for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip
to the hairdresser, who responded:
"Rome? Why ...
0 Comments, 14 Views,
0 Votes
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A Gift 2/3/2007
A Gift.....
The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being
old. I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old.
Upon seeing my reaction, he was immediately embarrassed,
but I explained that it was an interesting question, and
I would ponder it, and let him know.Growing Older, I decided,
is a gift.
I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person
I have ...
0 Comments, 17 Views,
0 Votes
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love and marriage 2/1/2007
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be
why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than
to let him
keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin;
they just
can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi ...
1 Comments, 23 Views,
0 Votes
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BOB 1/30/2007
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows
up at the Country
Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-
old blonde
who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful
\bsexo?\b appeal and charm.
She hangs onto Bob's arm and listens intently to his
every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first
chance, they
corner him and ask, "Bob, ...
0 Comments, 60 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
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A Guy Walks Into a Bar 1/28/2007
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign hanging over the bar
which
reads:
CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50
HANDJOB: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks
up to the
bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive
women
serving drinks to a meager looking group of men.
"Yes?" she ...
0 Comments, 32 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
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Federal Assistance 1/28/2007
An elderly woman walks into a convenience store and buys
some cat food. She puts the cat food on the counter and the
cashier tells her that because she is a senior citizen on
Federal assistance she has to bring in her cat to prove that
she owned one before she was allowed to pay for the cat food.
The lady was stunned but went home and got her cat and the
clerk sold her the cat food.
...
0 Comments, 23 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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ONE MORE TIME 1/26/2007
> One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the
what their fathers
did
> for a living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman,
mechanic,
> businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.
>
> However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically
quiet, so when
the
> teacher prodded him about his father, he replied,
"My father's an
exotic
> dancer in a gay cabaret and ...
0 Comments, 24 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
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nuances 1/25/2007
Lovers of the English language will enjoy this......How
do non-natives ever learn all the nuances of English???
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings
than any other two-letter word, and that word is "UP."
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky
or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning,
why do we wake UP?
...
0 Comments, 50 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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one more time 1/25/2007
First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet
Reno were having
one of those girl to girl talks. Hillary says to Janet, "You're
lucky
that you don't have to put up with men having \bsexo?\b
with you. I have to put
up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his
pecker."
Janet responded. "Just because I am considered ugly,
doesn't mean I don't
have to ...
0 Comments, 17 Views,
0 Votes
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