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Lauderdale County Facility, Turkey Guts, and Honey 3/22/2006
The Number One Man at the Lauderdale County Facility and
His Honey happily resides in their abode at the facility
for many years.
The only thing Honey objected to was himself's habit
of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake Honey and the smell would make her eyes
water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ...
1 Comments, 47 Views,
18 Votes
,0.53 Score
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The Argument -The Woman is Always Right!!!! 3/21/2006
A man and woman were involved in a petty argument, both of
them unwilling to admit they might be in error.
"I'll admit I'm wrong, " the woman
told the man in a con-ciliatory attempt, "if you'll
admit I'm right."
He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first.
"I'm wrong, " she said.
With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, ...
1 Comments, 66 Views,
20 Votes
,1.47 Score
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Educational Opportunities for the Male Gender 3/20/2006
Note: Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their
contents,
each course will accept a maximum of 8 participants each.
Topic 1 - How to fill up the ice cube trays. Step by step, with
slide
presentation.
Topic 2 - The toilet paper roll: Do they grow on the holders?
Roundtable discussion.
Topic 3 - Is it possible to urinate using the technique of
lifting the ...
1 Comments, 60 Views,
14 Votes
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You know your from ALASKA when.... 3/16/2006
You know your from ALASKA when....
- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
- You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- The mosquitoes have landing lights.
- You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
- You have 10 favourite recipes for bottled moose.
- alaska Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores ...
1 Comments, 110 Views,
31 Votes
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The #1 with his #1 Fan at the Honey Doo Tavern 3/16/2006
The
Number One Fan of the Number One Man from Tennessee man a
wild date, He needed $$$$$$ fast so make some $18 bills with
his computer morph program. He decided the best place to
pass off his phony would be at the Jumping Branch Tavern
in Fort Pillow, Tennessee off of Prison Road. So, he got
into his new wheels and off he went ...
6 Comments, 338 Views,
28 Votes
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Ides of March - Hasta La Vista Julius C.... 3/15/2006
Shakespeare made famous this ancient Roman date–the Ides
of March. Beware of the Ides of March - The Soothsayer Told
Mr. Ceasar who didn't listen and met his demise that
day.
Also At on the Ides of March the ancient Romans celebrated
the festival of Anna
Perenna, Roman goddess of the New Year. Anna Perrena is
a derivatie of the words "annual" and "perennial."
In Roman ...
1 Comments, 48 Views,
16 Votes
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Now this did make me giggle... 3/15/2006
An elderly couple was attending church services. About
halfway through she leans over and says, "I just let
a silent wind, what do you think I should do?"
He replies, "put a new battery in your hearing aid!"
2 Comments, 69 Views,
5 Votes
,5.43 Score
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The Frog Wants $$$$$$$ 3/14/2006
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can
see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia
Whack.
So, he says, "Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan
to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks
at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says "$30, 000." The teller asks his
name and the frog says that his name ...
1 Comments, 67 Views,
18 Votes
,1.08 Score
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Webs Cams and Guys 3/13/2006
What is it about webcams and guys
What could they possible want to see
My Hazel Green Eyes - My Bright Shiny Smile
Laughter, Intellegences - My tealight candles and magickal
crystals. The Historical Church outside my window, tiny
little dragons, geocaching bugs, Voyager Cards, Ferlin
the Mutt. Certainly they don't want to see me me me me
me me and my double ddddddddddddddddd's Naw! ...
3 Comments, 131 Views,
20 Votes
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12 Ways to Communicate with God per Astrolgical Signs 3/12/2006
ARIES: "Dear God! Give me PATIENCE and I want it NOW!"
TAURUS: "Dear God, please help me accept CHANGE in
my life, but NOT YET."
GEMINI: "Yo God...(or is it Goddess?)...Who are
you?...What are you?.....Where are You?.....How many
of you ARE there? I can't figure you out!"
CANCER: "Dear Daddy, I know I shouldn't depend
on you so much, but you're the only One I can ...
0 Comments, 44 Views,
12 Votes
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$$$$ From the Judge 3/12/2006
Judge: "Well, Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've
decided to give your wife $775.00 a week."
Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll
try to send her a few bucks myself."
0 Comments, 51 Views,
13 Votes
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Quick Thinking ! LOL 3/12/2006
A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket
and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in
that department told him that they only sold whole heads
of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager
about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager,
"Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce."
As he ...
6 Comments, 210 Views,
12 Votes
,5.98 Score
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The Perfect Prescription for all..... 3/9/2006
Trust me, this worked for me. Read all about this! I totally
recommend this product!
Ask your doctor or pharmacist
Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? If you answered
yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist
about Tequila®.
Tequila® is the ...
1 Comments, 81 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
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Forrest Gump dies.... 3/9/2006
The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.
He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However,
the gates are closed and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper
St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly
good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell
you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we've
been administering an entrance examination ...
2 Comments, 406 Views,
52 Votes
,6.79 Score
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what is a true blue relationship for women 3/8/2006
men do all the cooking, spend their money only, do all the
romancing...what???
4 Comments, 64 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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After Whoopee Comments & Astrology 3/4/2006
Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!"
<br>
Taurus: "I'm hungry--pass the pizza."
<br>
Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?"
<br>
Cancer: "When are we getting married?"
<br>
Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?"
<br>
Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets."
<br>
Libra: "I liked it if you liked it."
<br>
Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you."
...
1 Comments, 58 Views,
12 Votes
,0.15 Score
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WHAT DO RETIRED PEOPLE DO ALL DAY? 2/24/2006
Working people frequently ask retired people what they
do to make their days
interesting.
<br>
Well for example, the other day I went into town and went
into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes, when
I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
I went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving
a senior citizen a break?" He ignored me and continued ...
1 Comments, 130 Views,
11 Votes
,5.97 Score
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Talking Dog 2/20/2006
A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in
front of a house: "Talking For Sale." He
rings the bell and the
owner tells him the is in the backyard.The guy goes into
the
backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.
<br>
"You talk?" he asks.
<br>
"Yes, I do, " the Lab replies.
<br>
"So, what's ...
9 Comments, 569 Views,
64 Votes
,7.96 Score
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The Adventures of Sushi 2/16/2006
Sushi is Raw Fish
Raw Fish is used for bait
<br>
Ginger is a Spice
Wasabi is Heat
Soy mellows it out
<br>
To attract a mate -
Eat Sushi topped wih Ginger
Dipped in Wasabi and
covered with Soy
<br>
Masculine Splender unless you perfer the other Gender
Heated Passion Mellows Out. It's all good
3 Comments, 141 Views,
33 Votes
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A Whole New Meaning to the English Language!! 2/14/2006
Here's a list of things that give a whole new meaning
to the English Language:
<br>
1. ARBITRATOR: A cook who leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds.
2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tried to do.
3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage.
4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with.
5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate.
6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen ...
3 Comments, 83 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Well, we all have a Love/Hate relationship with computers 2/8/2006
Dear Ms. _____________,
<br>
This correspondence is in response to your fervent prayers
of last week. We do want you to know that all were received,
heard, discussed, and reviewed. Heaven is sympathetic
to your demise, regarding your hard drive and tower. We
also appreciate your initiative to solve this earthly
problem on your own. God does appreciate those who help ...
2 Comments, 107 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Seniors Ads 1/26/2006
(Who says seniors don't have a sense of humor? LO
<br>
FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty,
80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5'6"),
searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.
Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
<br>
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried
fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out
a six-unit plot. ...
2 Comments, 147 Views,
7 Votes
,5.08 Score
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Little Old Lady 1/26/2006
I just couldn't stop laughing at this one I received
today:
<br>
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two
plastic garbage >bags with her, one in each hand. There's
a hole in one of the bags, and >every once in a while a $20
bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this,
a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are
$20 bills falling out of that ...
3 Comments, 175 Views,
6 Votes
,5.64 Score
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2006-01-07
An intelligence report on the Life helicopter ambush assault
led by Major JKH54 : In the Cloverdale area of British Columbia
Canada near the local insane asylum :
Agent 54 along with him dome, Hobson's choice, belle
la donna and east mountains assaulted an American chopper
in the Cloverdale area . Although under orders not to introduce
violence in any manner Major JKH54 made an immediate field
decision in personally assassinating 2 life flight attendants
along with the pilot and door gunner for what he described
as acts of treason.
They continued their mission as dome safely landed the
chopper near the waiting attendants at the insane asylum
. Hobson's choice along with belle la donna under orders
went into the insane asylum with Major JKH 54 where the Emperor
doctor pigen was guarded by 12 elite pigens. The elite 12
were immediately KIA by 2 m-60 machine gun's used by
belle and Hobson and a model 1921 Thompson wielded by Major
54 . Hobson and belle guarded the door of the operating room
blazing away with their m-60's as reinforcement infantry
trolls arrived . Major 54 held a 45 automatic up to the surgeons
head and forced the surgeon to operate on the horrified
doctor pigeon without anesthesia . The transplant operation
was a success and now the Emperor doctor pigeon has a brand
new set of baby squirrel testicles . Major 54 then assassinated
the American surgeon for what he described as an act of treason
.
Shooting their way out of the insane asylum taking out more
than 50 more trolls on the way they found east mountain's
and dome blazing away from the m-60's in the hello door
gunner positions while being assaulted by infantry trolls
. The team of five then atempted to leave the asylum lifting
off with dome at the controls and Major 54 taking over on
the unmanned m-60 with east mountains never letting off
firing her m-60 . Hobson and belle were firing with their
handheld m-60's as well .
They escape doing heavy damage on the enemy . Although Major
54 was ordered not to engage in battle unless of course it
was necessary in defense of their lives and or of course
unless the enemy refused to surrender . Over 300 pigeons
and an undetermined amount of the infantry trolls lives
were lost in this raid . Dome deemed it necessary to make
three more passes before he maneuvered out of range under
heavy fire . The team of five arrived home very weary . They
were also drunk and were all naked with no casualties. Sassy
was supposed to have been on this mission but was interrogating
prisoners . General Kassr was leading a diversionary defensive
on our own ground successfully . The new commander in chief
newday seemed to be pleased and will be issuing citations
to the team of five and will overlook their alleged drunkness
and nudity.
As submitted to General Hollywood52
Commanding officer, Army Intel.the
That is all .
Report filed by JKH54 1/7/06
Comments, Views,
Votes
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I do't want to end up like that! 1/4/2006
A retired couple visit an ailing friend in a nursing home.
The older man had declined to a point of not recognizing
the couple.
<br>
Later that afternoon the older couple were sitting in their
living room when the man says to his wife, "Honey I
am telling you now whatever happens to me in this life, do
what you have to but don't let just sit around in a vegetative
state like ...
2 Comments, 81 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Wicked Things to Do With Food 12/22/2005
If you are out on a romatice stroll - buy an ice cream cone,
bite off the end and slip it over his finger. take your time
nibbling and licking until he's .....
<br>
Use ice-cream topping to write numbers on each other
<br>
pop a mouthful of frozen berries or tropical fruits in your
mouth instead. They taste great and are a lot easier to hold
in your mouth while....... ...
1 Comments, 177 Views,
18 Votes
,1.35 Score
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Penguins, Midget Nuns, Seven Dwarfs and the Pope 12/20/2005
The 7 Dwarfs made a visit to the Pope in Rome. Grumpy asked:
"Your Holiness, are there any midget nuns in Italy?"
The Pope said, " none at all." "Your Holiness,
are there any midget nuns anywhere in the world?"
The Pope answered "none at all". Happy then
turned to Dopey and said: "You see, you screwed a penguin,
not a midget nun." 
1 Comments, 95 Views,
10 Votes
,3.78 Score
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92 year old stud 12/19/2005
One day, a 92 year old man goes to the doctor for his annual
check up. He brags to the Dr. about having a 19 year old wife
who is with . "What do ya think about that?, Doc."
he boasted.
<br>
The doc thought for a moment and said "You remind me
of another patient I have. He is in his late 80's and
never misses opening day of pheasant hunting with his buddies.
One fall day he ...
1 Comments, 102 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score
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Grey and His Two Bells - Astrological Compatibility 12/18/2005
A Wise Woman gave me a positively wicked idea. She suggested
that I do a compatibilty chart between Grey and the Bell.
I wasn't sure which one so I utililzed both Bells and
did a Tri-Compatibility Chart. I will put a disclaimer
because without birth times, the houses cannot be accurate
but it does provide a scenerio and lots of humor.
<br>
Grey is a Gemini - A Mutable Sign. ...
6 Comments, 168 Views,
17 Votes
,0.01 Score
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Deer Hunter gets his Just Deserts 12/17/2005
Of course, there is the story of the deer hunter gets up early,
dresses quietly and packs his lunch He puts on his long johns
and camouflage duds. He grabs his gun and starts to warm
up his pick-up truck in anticipation of heading down to
his favorite hunting area.
<br>
Suddenly the rain starts pouring down, It is a torrential
downpour with snow mixed up in the rain. ...
1 Comments, 86 Views,
15 Votes
,0.68 Score
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