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A FUNNY SEXUAL EXPERIENCE
Hi again, I´m going to share a very very very intimate part
of my life with you, I know I shouldn´t but it´s so funny that
every time I remeber it, I start laughing, ADVERTISMENT:
This experience ... |
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3 |
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11/15/2009 8:34 pm |
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Senior Moments
Though I walk through The Valley of Senior Moments for my
Senior Discount Card is with me. A pair of Reading Glasses
in each Room shall comfort me. Shall follow me all the days of my life In the ... |
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1 |
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0.00 |
10/31/2009 4:36 am |
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BIBLICAL BUMPER STICKERS
BIBLICAL BUMPER STICKERS
Adam: "You are what you eat."
Eve: "At least he doesn't compare me to his mother."
Abraham: "I'm goin' not knowin'."
Noah: "Honk if you ... |
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1 |
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0.00 |
10/12/2009 1:03 am |
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The Talking Centipede
The Talking Centipede
A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted
to buy an unusual pet
After ... |
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6 |
0 |
0.00 |
9/25/2009 1:39 am |
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Differences
Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers
and Grandfathers is? Well here it is:
A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made
a special effort with his ... |
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4 |
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9/13/2009 4:33 am |
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Pray for Leroy
"Anyone with needs to be prayed over, come forward,
to the front at the altar, " the Preacher says. Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher
asks: "Leroy, what do you want me to pray ... |
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4 |
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8/24/2009 3:33 am |
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But here's the worst of it
IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking
about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps
and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint ... |
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4 |
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8/19/2009 6:04 pm |
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HEARD ON NOAHS ARK
10. "Did anyone think about bringing a couple of umbrellas?"
9. "Hey, there are more than two flies in here!"
8. "Wasn't someone supposed to put two shovels
on board?"
7. ... |
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3 |
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7/29/2009 2:37 am |
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TAXI DRIVER IN HEAVEN
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St.
Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.
'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver.
The taxi driver did ... |
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8 |
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7/25/2009 5:48 am |
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bloopers of biblical proportions
Written by Sunday School students
In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired
of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam & Eve were created from an apple ... |
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5 |
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7/20/2009 1:40 am |
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Bible Q&A
QUESTION AND ANSWER
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was
in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest ... |
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1 |
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7/19/2009 3:12 am |
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AFTER GIVING A SERMON
The Baptist preacher just finished his sermon for the day
and proceeded toward the back of the church for his usual
greetings and handshaking as the congregation left the
church. After shaking a few ... |
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3 |
0 |
0.00 |
7/12/2009 6:18 am |
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Teeth Problem
This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled
and new dentures were being made.
The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes.
The second Sunday, he preached only 20 ... |
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3 |
0 |
0.00 |
7/8/2009 3:25 am |
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Fishy Story
> An Ole story: > > > > Ole was stopped by a game warden in Northern Minnesota
leaving a lake well > known for its Walleye. He had two buckets of fish. As
it was during the > spawning season, the ... |
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1 |
0 |
0.00 |
7/8/2009 3:19 am |
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MINISTER GIVES SERMON
MINISTER GIVES SERMON
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as
he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking
the mike cord as he went.
Then he moved to ... |
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2 |
1 |
2.40 |
7/5/2009 3:36 am |
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Divorce versus Murder
Divorce VS Murder ...
A respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to
the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,
"I would like to buy some cyanide."
The ... |
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10 |
1 |
2.40 |
7/4/2009 7:57 pm |
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attracting only the finest bellringers in the country
There was a monastery in France at the edge of a cliff overlooking
a beautiful valley, and because its bells could be heard
over such a wide area, it developed a reputation for attracting
only the ... |
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2 |
0 |
0.00 |
7/2/2009 1:32 am |
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Listen to what the little tykes say
Each paragraph is a small vignette and out of the mouths
of "babes"! Never hurts to listen to what the
little tykes say!
While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office,
a woman ... |
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11 |
1 |
2.40 |
7/2/2009 1:26 am |
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Inline-skating, for People Over 50 - Medic!!
I had imagined this new adventure in a totally different
way. Although I knew that it was going to take some practice,
endurance, commitment and lots of ibuprofen. So my decision
was made to spend ... |
3 |
20 |
2 |
3.12 |
6/19/2009 9:04 am |
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BENEFITS OF THE REVIVAL
After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were
discussing the results with one another.
The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked
out great for us! We gained 4 new families." ... |
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3 |
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6/15/2009 3:09 am |
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Just a wonderful senior love story:
> An elderly gent was invited to an old friend's
home for dinner one > evening. > > He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every
request to his > wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My ... |
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2 |
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6/13/2009 3:09 am |
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Foyer of the church
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing
in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It
was covered with names and small American flags mounted
on either side of it. ... |
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2 |
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6/12/2009 3:31 am |
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Smile, it gives your face something to do!
Johnny's Mother looked out the window and noticed
Him "playing church" with their cat.
He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it.
She smiled and went about her work. ... |
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2 |
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6/10/2009 3:31 am |
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FOR THOSE OF US WHO REMEMBER
I REMEMBER……………
Hollywood Squares:
These great questions and answers are from the days when
' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were
spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. ... |
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13 |
1 |
3.70 |
5/24/2009 4:25 am |
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Senior marriage
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married.
They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. ... |
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2 |
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5/22/2009 1:55 am |
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Monastery of Silence
> Sister Maria Elisabeth entered the Monastery of Silence.
> > > The Priest said, "Sister, this is a silent monastery.
> You are welcome here as long as you like, > but you may not speak until ... |
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3 |
1 |
2.40 |
5/19/2009 3:17 am |
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DEAF MEN IN A BAR
A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using
sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using
sign language to speak to them.
When the bartender returned to him, ... |
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8 |
1 |
1.10 |
5/11/2009 2:18 am |
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Helping
HELPING A CRIMINAL When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before
the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice.
When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after
the ... |
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6 |
0 |
0.00 |
5/8/2009 2:04 am |
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Getting old in Florida
> > Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch
in Bonita Springs, doing > > nothing. > > One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get
horny?' > > The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.' > > The first ... |
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7 |
0 |
0.00 |
5/7/2009 3:36 am |
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Speeding
A state trooper pulls over a car on the interstate dawdling
along at half the posted limit. As he strolls up to the drivers
window he notes the car is full of little old ladies. The
driver is ... |
0 |
12 |
2 |
1.73 |
5/5/2009 12:20 am |
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Groaners
Alcohol and calculus don't mix so don't drink
and derive.
“Why was the ink drop sad?
Because her dad was in the pen and she didn't know how
long the sentence would ... |
2 |
10 |
1 |
3.70 |
4/22/2009 4:24 pm |
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Oh, no!!!!!!!
Sally said on the phone to her girl "Before I could
tell him, I wasn't that kind of girl, I WAS ... |
1 |
22 |
3 |
3.92 |
4/21/2009 6:51 pm |
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Bible story
A Sunday school teacher was instructing her class on the
bible. She told them about the kings of the old testament
and the queens who vied for attention. "We just learned
about the powerful kings and ... |
1 |
12 |
2 |
4.50 |
4/21/2009 6:46 pm |
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How much?
"Who was the first man, for $1000?", a game show
host ask a pretty female contestant.
" The first man was Peter, my math tutor, " she
replied, " but I've never been paid more than ... |
3 |
22 |
1 |
3.70 |
4/20/2009 6:24 pm |
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Addressing a crimial
What do they call a first time offender in Saudi Arabia?
... |
1 |
23 |
1 |
5.00 |
4/20/2009 6:18 pm |
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AND YOU EXPECTED WHAT?
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before
he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.
"Guess what, sir?" ... |
1 |
19 |
1 |
5.00 |
4/8/2009 2:05 am |
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AP Government Class
Natural Born Citizen
Since we now have a new president some political humor might
be in store. The following is a funny and true story occurring in an AP
Government class at Santa Fe High ... |
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15 |
1 |
5.00 |
4/3/2009 5:48 pm |
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Happy Mental Health Day!
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you
want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you
with all they have.
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while ... |
3 |
22 |
3 |
1.47 |
3/7/2009 7:55 am |
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HOUSEWORK'!
Housework was a woman's job, but one evening, Jenny
arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry
in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the
stove, and the ... |
1 |
17 |
3 |
4.41 |
3/7/2009 4:51 am |
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Sorry about this!
Notice:
Due to recent budget cuts, high unemployment and the rising
costs of food, electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions,
and the overall state of the union, The ... |
1 |
14 |
1 |
2.40 |
3/3/2009 2:50 pm |
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CREATIVE PUNS FOR "EDUCATED MINDS"
PUNS
01. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table
was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 02. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but
... |
1 |
13 |
1 |
2.40 |
2/25/2009 4:37 am |
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IRS decides to audit Grandpa
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the
IRS office.
The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up
with his attorney.
The auditor said, 'Well, ... |
1 |
17 |
3 |
4.41 |
2/23/2009 2:35 pm |
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Border Patrol Test !
A man seeking to join a border state Sheriff's Department
is being interviewed.
The Sergeant doing the interview says: "Your qualifications
all look good, but there is an attitude ... |
1 |
19 |
1 |
2.40 |
2/23/2009 8:18 am |
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Getting older in Florida
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch in Bonita
Springs doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
The other replies, "Oh, sure I do." The first old lady asks, ... |
1 |
27 |
2 |
5.20 |
2/18/2009 2:31 pm |
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'2' for English
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final
word on nutrition and health.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat And suffer fewer heart attacks than the English. ...
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1 |
14 |
1 |
5.00 |
2/14/2009 8:11 am |
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FOR PEOPLE OVER 50
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have
plenty of room at each side.
With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight
out from your sides and hold ... |
1 |
16 |
2 |
3.81 |
2/7/2009 4:48 am |
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A Doctor was addressing a large audience:
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to
have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks
corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High ... |
1 |
15 |
3 |
5.39 |
2/1/2009 3:42 am |
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STUNNING SENIOR MOMENT.......
A very self-important college freshman attending a recent
football game took it upon himself to explain to a senior
citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the
older generation to ... |
1 |
12 |
3 |
4.41 |
1/26/2009 3:06 pm |
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THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!
If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears With their
tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they
were growing ... |
1 |
9 |
1 |
3.70 |
1/25/2009 4:22 am |
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Tour
Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through
Holland . As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide
led them through the process of cheese making, explaining
that goat's milk was used. ... |
1 |
7 |
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1/22/2009 3:22 am |
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PUN INTENDED
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll
serve ... |
1 |
12 |
0 |
0.00 |
1/18/2009 3:15 am |
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Gramps has his hands full
A woman is in a grocery store and happens upon a grandpa and
his poorly behaving 3 year-old grandson at every turn. It's obvious
Gramps has his hands full with the kid screaming for candy in the ... |
1 |
8 |
1 |
5.00 |
1/18/2009 3:10 am |
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NEW MEDS
Stressed out today? Cheer up! Modern medicine has come
up with some great > new stuff to make life easier.
• St. Mom's Wort ... Plant extract that treats mom's
depression by ... |
1 |
7 |
0 |
0.00 |
1/16/2009 2:03 pm |
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SERENITY
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came
up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98, ' she
replied.
'Two years older than me'
'So ... |
1 |
12 |
0 |
0.00 |
1/13/2009 2:46 pm |
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Monastery in Europe
There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high
on a cliff several hundred feet in the air.
The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in
a basket which was pulled to ... |
2 |
12 |
0 |
0.00 |
1/4/2009 4:25 pm |
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A couple new add-ons to an old one
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection
for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly
compared the computer ... |
2 |
14 |
0 |
0.00 |
1/1/2009 4:34 am |
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One of these days
Q: What's the definition of optimism? A: An investment banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday
evening. *** How do you start a small business these days? Simple, buy a big one and wait. *** The ... |
2 |
10 |
0 |
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1/1/2009 4:26 am |
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aaaagh kids!
Having two younger children (17 & 15) keeps me going
and they both have keen interest in music.But sometimes
i could pull my hair out when i hear some of their comments
regarding my genre of music ... |
2 |
12 |
0 |
0.00 |
12/29/2008 9:46 am |
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Be the man of your house !
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled,
'BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE'.
He stormed into the kitchen and announced to his wife, "From
now on, you need to know that I am the ... |
3 |
31 |
5 |
3.14 |
12/12/2008 8:47 am |
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The store wasn't ready
Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break
in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't
ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now ... |
1 |
8 |
0 |
0.00 |
12/4/2008 3:10 am |
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New movie project
Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project - an action
docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars.
Sylvester Stallone, Steven Segall, Bruce Willis, and
Arnold Schwarzenegger were ... |
1 |
5 |
0 |
0.00 |
11/29/2008 1:00 pm |
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Whatever you give
"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. ... |
1 |
7 |
0 |
0.00 |
11/24/2008 6:08 am |
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A Kentucky Ghost Story
> This happened about a month ago just outside of Owensboro,
> Kentucky, a small town on the banks of the Ohio River.
While > it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's
indeed > real. > An out of ... |
2 |
13 |
1 |
2.40 |
11/16/2008 6:02 am |
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My Mom Was a smugler . .
[bg width=75% border=3 bordercolor=red bgcolor=yellow][bg
width=100% border=2 bordercolor=red bgcolor=red][bg
width=100% width=100% border=1 bordercolor=red bgcolor=red][font
face=monotype ... |
2 |
23 |
5 |
2.82 |
11/15/2008 12:28 am |
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Sunday Paper
For all of us who are --- seniors ---
for all of you who know --- seniors ---
and for all of you who --- will be seniors ---
Sunday Paper . ... |
2 |
16 |
1 |
1.10 |
10/29/2008 3:16 am |
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Which way do you want it?
while searching and browsing new members and possible
matches, I noticed several members who were seeking a serious
relationship. the only thing i found kinda funny, was the
fact they wanted a ... |
2 |
40 |
1 |
2.40 |
10/26/2008 1:20 pm |
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Hillbilly went hunting
A Hillbilly went hunting one day in Georgia and bagged three
ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about
to drive home when he was confronted by an ornery game warden
who ... |
1 |
9 |
0 |
0.00 |
10/23/2008 3:46 am |
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Wabbits!
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks,
in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth,
"Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart ... |
1 |
17 |
0 |
0.00 |
10/17/2008 2:01 pm |
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The boss?
A secretary comes in late for work for the third day in
a row, so her boss calls her into his office.
"Look, Sharon, " he says irritably. "I
know we had a wild fling for a while, but ... |
1 |
14 |
1 |
3.70 |
10/17/2008 1:54 pm |
|
|
The Marine White House guard!
Last Tuesday, as President Bush got off the Helicopter
in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet
under each arm.
The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, ...
|
1 |
12 |
0 |
0.00 |
10/17/2008 1:52 pm |
|
|
Top Ten Country Song List
Top Ten Country & Western Songs.
10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine
9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke
Up With a Few
8. If The Phone Don't ... |
0 |
9 |
3 |
3.92 |
10/1/2008 8:11 am |
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The Potato Story!
Well, Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,
and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato,
which they called 'Yam.'
Of course, they wanted the best for Yam. ... |
0 |
6 |
2 |
3.12 |
9/30/2008 9:34 am |
|
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Best Answering Machine Messages
1. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons
is why we’re not here, so leave a message.
2. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to
remain silent. ... |
0 |
5 |
1 |
3.70 |
9/30/2008 9:15 am |
|
|
Blonde on horseback!
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she
has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the
horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into
motion. It gallops along at ... |
0 |
6 |
0 |
0.00 |
9/30/2008 9:11 am |
|
|
Two Aliens!
Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station
that was closed for the night. They approached one of the
gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings,
Earthling. We ... |
0 |
3 |
0 |
0.00 |
9/30/2008 9:07 am |
|
|
Keep 'em guessing!!!!
Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made
my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage
to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out
into a torrential down ... |
0 |
3 |
0 |
0.00 |
9/30/2008 8:58 am |
|
|
What?
A Jewish lady dining in a fine restaurant is about to bite
into her meal when she turns to the man sitting alone at the table next
to her.
'Pardon me, sir' she says. 'Your napkin has
fallen ... |
1 |
16 |
1 |
1.10 |
9/29/2008 3:30 am |
|
|
Perfect Diet
Yesterday I was at my local Target buying a large bag of Purina
dog chow for my loyal pet, Sheriff, the Wonder Dog and was
in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a
dog.
... |
1 |
7 |
0 |
0.00 |
9/28/2008 5:32 am |
|
|
Funniest Joke In The World II
The Wife is in bed reading a book when the Husband walks in
carring a sheep under his arm. The Husband says: "Honey, this is the pig I've
been sleeping with." The Wife says: "That's no pig, that's a ... |
1 |
27 |
3 |
3.43 |
9/26/2008 6:41 pm |
|
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The Geography of Women
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half discovered,
half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful! Between 23
and 30, a woman is like Europe, well developed and open to
trade, especially for ... |
0 |
8 |
1 |
3.70 |
9/24/2008 11:54 am |
|
|
The Moped & Ferrari
An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, Pulls
up next to a doctor at a street light. The old man looks over
at the sleek shiny car And asks, ' What kind of car ya got there, sonny?' ... |
0 |
3 |
0 |
0.00 |
9/24/2008 11:51 am |
|
|
School...1958 vs 2008
Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls
into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack. 1958 -
Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun,
goes to his car and gets his ... |
0 |
4 |
0 |
0.00 |
9/24/2008 11:48 am |
|
|
Bartender's Guide
Before you order a drink in public, you should read this!
Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could
nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed ... |
0 |
4 |
0 |
0.00 |
9/24/2008 11:41 am |
|
|
What starts with "F " & ends with a "K"
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble
with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry,
what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade.
My sister ... |
0 |
5 |
0 |
0.00 |
9/24/2008 11:29 am |
|
|
Rectum Stretcher
While she was "flying" down the road yesterday
(10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only
to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.
The cop pulled her over, ... |
0 |
4 |
0 |
0.00 |
9/24/2008 11:20 am |
|
|
The Great Escape
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up
for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and
guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the
guy out of bed and ties ... |
0 |
6 |
0 |
0.00 |
9/24/2008 11:19 am |
|
|
Seeing eye dogs!
Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman
and the other, a Chihuahua.
As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman
said to her ... |
0 |
5 |
0 |
0.00 |
9/24/2008 11:14 am |
|
|
Shamus & Murphy
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have
a lot of money. Between them, they could only raise the staggering
sum of one Euro.
Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'
He ... |
0 |
3 |
0 |
0.00 |
9/24/2008 11:03 am |
|
|
Wine-Ohhhh!
One day a gay guy was jogging through the park. He noticed
a wino passed out on a park bench and thought to himself,
"Ah, what the hell" He went over, dropped the
wino's pants and gave it to him up ... |
0 |
2 |
0 |
0.00 |
9/24/2008 10:53 am |
|
|
The Middle Finger!
The History of the Middle Finger!!!! Well, now, here's
something I never knew before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my
more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, ... |
0 |
3 |
1 |
5.00 |
9/24/2008 10:49 am |
|
|
Holiday Education
A Jewish girl tells her Catholic college roommate that
she's going home for Rosh Hashanah
The Catholic girl asks the Jewish girl, "Is this the
holiday when you light the candles?"
... |
0 |
4 |
1 |
5.00 |
9/21/2008 6:53 am |
|
|
Spread the Stupidity
Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk
all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions
while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America ... |
0 |
3 |
0 |
0.00 |
8/26/2008 3:04 pm |
|
|
Giving birth at 65
> Too good not to pass on, Enjoy !!! > > With all the new technology regarding fertility recently,
a > 65-year-oldfriend of mine was able to give birth.
When she was discharged > fromthe hospital and ... |
0 |
3 |
0 |
0.00 |
8/25/2008 3:36 pm |
|
|
Computer Problem
> I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard,
the great > little 11 year old kid from next door whose bedroom
looks like > Mission Control, and asked him to come over. > > Richard ... |
0 |
4 |
0 |
0.00 |
8/22/2008 3:13 am |
|
|
A learning process
A new priest, born and raised in Texas , is nervous about
hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit
in on his sessions.
The new priest hears a couple of confessions' and ... |
0 |
4 |
0 |
0.00 |
8/17/2008 3:19 am |
|
|
Celibacy
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed
by circumstances.
While attending a Marriage Weekend, Walter and his wife
Ann, listened to the instructor declare, 'It is essential ... |
1 |
14 |
1 |
3.70 |
8/11/2008 3:10 am |
|
|
Your Friends
A husband says to his wife tell me something that will make
me happy and sad at the same time. She looks at him and says,
out of all your friends, your cock is the ... |
0 |
18 |
1 |
5.00 |
8/6/2008 1:24 pm |
|
|
Don't make a Nurse angry
A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed
them around like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff
wanted to have ... |
0 |
9 |
0 |
0.00 |
8/5/2008 3:09 am |
|
|
CADDIE OVERHEARD
The 10 best caddie comments: #10 Golfer: 'I think I am going to drown myself in the
lake.' Caddie: 'Do you think you can keep your head down that
long?' #9 Golfer: 'I'd move heaven ... |
0 |
4 |
1 |
5.00 |
8/2/2008 5:52 am |
|
|
Fantasy Ad
Fantasy Ad
Hey you lonely middle-aged women out there, get real!!
get factual! get actual! This is the ad you should post:
SingleFemale60s
I am a single female in my ... |
3 |
33 |
6 |
0.23 |
8/1/2008 8:39 am |
|
|
The Mule and The Mother In Law
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother,
who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While
they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule
suddenly reared up and ... |
5 |
50 |
8 |
3.25 |
7/25/2008 6:32 pm |
|
|
Why?
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we
ever know? ... |
0 |
5 |
1 |
2.40 |
7/25/2008 5:13 am |
|
|
Quick Thinking
Quick thinking
I wish I could think so quickly. . .
A man boarded a plane with 6 kids.
After they got settled in their seats a woman
sitting ... |
0 |
10 |
1 |
1.10 |
7/22/2008 6:00 am |
|
|
Church
One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell
him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied,
'I'm not going.' 'Why not?' she asked. I'll give you two good reasons, ' he ... |
1 |
25 |
5 |
5.10 |
7/10/2008 3:34 am |
|
|
Squirrel From HELL . . . .
[bg border=5 bordercolor=black bgcolor=white cellpadding=5]
Biker & Squirrel
by Unknown
I never dreamed slowly cruising on my Chopper through ... |
1 |
30 |
7 |
4.06 |
7/6/2008 1:12 am |
|
|
New Living Will Form
New Living Will Form
I, __________________________, being of sound mind and
body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial
means. Under no ... |
1 |
18 |
4 |
2.86 |
6/29/2008 4:42 am |
|
|
The lie dectector
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long
ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came
home with another one of his unusual ... |
5 |
51 |
11 |
3.92 |
6/27/2008 11:44 am |
|
|
DRINK, STEAL, SWEAR & LIE
DRINK, STEAL, SWEAR & LIE
I met this guy awhile ago, and he has A motto he lives by everyday. He said listen carefully and
Live by these 4 rules : Drink, Steal, Swear, & Lie. ... |
1 |
18 |
5 |
4.77 |
6/26/2008 3:45 am |
|
|
Touring Toronto
Siamese twins walk into a pub in Toronto and park themselves
on a bar stool.
One of them says to the bartender, 'Don't mind
us, we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson ... |
1 |
11 |
4 |
2.47 |
6/24/2008 2:17 pm |
|
|
Need to hunt
A doctor in Duluth, Minnesota wanted to get off work and
go hunting so he approached his assistant.
'Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't
want to close the clinic.'
'I want ... |
1 |
14 |
3 |
3.92 |
6/22/2008 9:57 am |
|
|
Retired project
I've often been asked, 'What do you people do now that you're retired?'
Well, I have a friend who has a chemistry background and
one of the things we enjoy most is turning beer, bourbon, ... |
1 |
16 |
4 |
3.25 |
6/18/2008 2:40 pm |
|
|
Belle & JKH meet out west!
In 1883 A young cowgirl by the name of Belle la Donna from
Texas, dusty from the road walks into a chili joint in Burnt
Scortum, New Mexico to have a bowl of chili and a beer. She
sits down next ... |
11 |
80 |
22 |
1.20 |
6/18/2008 11:23 am |
|
|
Both hands boy!
A Tennessee state trooper pulls over a young man that
looked a lot like me back in 70's in a pickup on a lonely
state highway that is driving erratically.
The trooper had noticed that the ... |
3 |
42 |
11 |
3.35 |
6/17/2008 1:11 pm |
|
|
Chicken crossed the road
Why did the chicken cross the road?
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE!
The chicken wanted CHANGE!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, ... |
1 |
17 |
4 |
4.80 |
6/14/2008 5:30 am |
|
|
The Lone Ranger has been captured!
The Lone Ranger is captured by Indians... The
Indian Chief proclaims, 'So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will
be executed in three days. ... |
6 |
59 |
17 |
3.41 |
6/12/2008 9:12 am |
|
|
Bubba's hearing!
Bubba goes to the tent revival and listens to the preacher.
After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come
forward and be prayed over.
Bubba slowly rises from his chair and ... |
13 |
98 |
46 |
0.94 |
6/9/2008 1:21 pm |
|
|
It's the little ole lady from Pasadena!
The little ole lady from Pasadena, (Ethel)and a pal of hers,
(Mildred) that acted about like each other, (both around
75 years old) were out driving in the little ole lady from
Pasadena's 1972 ... |
2 |
52 |
17 |
2.14 |
6/9/2008 1:18 pm |
|
|
Old Fairy Tale Revisited
One day, long, long ago....... there lived a woman who did not whine, nag or bitch.
But this was a long time ago.......
and it was just that one day.
The ... |
3 |
22 |
9 |
1.29 |
5/6/2008 4:13 pm |
|
|
A wee bit about me
^I`m 6ft 1 tall weigh around 88 kg, full head of white hair,
attend gym around 3 times a week, -------not a fitness freak-----and
live alone. Looking for a mate with keen sense of humor, ---
and not ... |
2 |
30 |
5 |
0.86 |
4/19/2008 4:28 pm |
|
|
A wee bit about me
^I`m 6ft 1 tall weigh around 88 kg, full head of white hair,
attend gym around 3 times a week, -------not a fitness freak-----and
live alone. Looking for a mate with keen sense of humor, ---
and not ... |
3 |
22 |
4 |
1.69 |
4/19/2008 4:27 pm |
|
|
Boudreaux N Thibodeaux
Reverend Boudreaux was the part-time pastor of the local Cajun Baptist Church, and Pastor Thibodaux was the minister of the Covenant Church across the road. They were both standing by the road, ... |
3 |
26 |
6 |
3.37 |
4/12/2008 5:14 am |
|
|
SENIOR TRAVELERS
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and
an old gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters
showing the glamorous Destinations around the world.
... |
1 |
35 |
1 |
5.00 |
3/27/2008 2:53 am |
|
|
This is funny
1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and invite everyone
to the wedding. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception
was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The ... |
1 |
26 |
3 |
4.41 |
3/21/2008 3:24 am |
|
|
Cow Story
A farmer who raised beef cattle decided he needed a milk
cow so he could have fresh milk whenever we wanted. He bought
the cow and introduced it to his prize bull. After several
weeks nothing was ... |
2 |
69 |
7 |
4.57 |
3/15/2008 7:55 am |
|
|
Response
A couple made a deal that who ever died first would come back
and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that
there was no afterlife.
After a long life together, the ... |
1 |
32 |
2 |
4.50 |
3/9/2008 7:05 am |
|
|
BIRTHDAY REMINDER
----- BIRTHDAY REMINDER
This week we celebrate a special birthday. Monica Lewinsky
turned 34.
Can you believe it?! It seems like only yesterday she was
crawling around the White ... |
1 |
21 |
2 |
3.81 |
3/6/2008 4:27 pm |
|
|
Having a baby
OLE 'N LENA HAVE A BABY
Lena is pregnant with Ole's child. Late one night,
Lena vakes Ole and says, 'I tink it's time!'
So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere tractor and took her to the
hospital to ... |
1 |
29 |
1 |
5.00 |
3/6/2008 4:25 pm |
|
|
Thoughts
Thought 1 # When we are born, our mother's get the compliments.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the
publicity. When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
# Thought ... |
1 |
19 |
2 |
3.81 |
2/28/2008 1:53 am |
|
|
$50.00 IS $50.00
MORRIS AND HIS WIFE, ESTHER WENT TO THE STATE FAIR EVERY
YEAR. EVERY YEAR, MORRIS WOULD SAY, 'ESTHER, I'D LIKE TO RIDE IN
THAT HELICOPTER.' ESTHER ALWAYS REPLIED, 'I KNOW MORRIS, BUT THAT HELICOPTER ... |
1 |
23 |
3 |
3.43 |
2/27/2008 2:28 am |
|
|
From the farm pond
An Amish farmer, walking through his field, notices a man
kneeling down and drinking from his farm pond. The Amish farmer shouts: "Trink das wasser nicht.
Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen."
... |
1 |
22 |
3 |
5.39 |
2/25/2008 5:15 pm |
|
|
Sally with a smile
Little Sally came home from school and with a smile on her
face and told her mother, 'Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today!'
Before the mother could raise a concern, ... |
1 |
41 |
5 |
4.77 |
2/10/2008 7:01 am |
|
|
Familiar Story
A husband and wife were visiting the zoo and admiring a huge
male gorilla putting on a great show. Suddenly the gorilla
reached over the bars and grabbed the wife and pulled her
into his cave. The ... |
1 |
97 |
8 |
5.33 |
2/8/2008 5:15 am |
|
|
THE PSYCHIATRIST AND THE PROCTOLOGIST
THE PSYCHIATRIST AND THE PROCTOLOGIST
Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading:
"Dr Smith and Dr. Jones, "Hysterias and Posteriors."
The town ... |
1 |
28 |
2 |
4.50 |
2/3/2008 4:57 am |
|
|
Car Trouble
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery.
He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My
car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?
The monks ... |
2 |
49 |
5 |
4.12 |
1/30/2008 3:20 am |
|
|
Two old guys
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual
park
bench one morning.
The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't
even
short of breath. The ... |
1 |
39 |
7 |
3.30 |
1/20/2008 6:01 am |
|
|
i like girls
i like to see girls pictures w/no ... |
2 |
59 |
5 |
0.00 |
1/19/2008 3:03 pm |
|
|
Religious Differences
A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one
Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming
from the other direction.
... |
1 |
29 |
4 |
5.19 |
1/19/2008 5:20 am |
|
|
Why I Hate Ironing
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The
doctor asked her what had happened to her ears. She answered,
" I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead
of picking up the ... |
1 |
42 |
7 |
4.31 |
1/16/2008 5:37 pm |
|
|
Pregnant unwed daughter
A young unmarried girl discovers that she is pregnant.
Scared, She confides this ' news' to her mother.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who
was the pig that did This to you? ... |
4 |
81 |
11 |
4.48 |
1/16/2008 11:20 am |
|
|
Not a single
A father, who worked away from home all week, always made
a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he
would take his 7-year old daughter out for a drive in the car for ... |
1 |
36 |
5 |
3.47 |
1/6/2008 8:03 am |
|
|
Why am i married?
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable (REALLY???) or get
married and wish you were dead.
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't
you ... |
5 |
87 |
11 |
4.29 |
12/24/2007 6:01 pm |
|
|
52 years ago!
>>>>> Comments made in the year 1955!
>>>>> That's only 52 years ago! > > >>>>> 'I'll tell you one thing,
if things keep going the way they are, it's >>>>> going to be impossible to buy a week's ... |
1 |
29 |
2 |
4.50 |
12/20/2007 2:04 pm |
|
|
Need a good laugh
If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children's
science exam answers
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes ... |
3 |
46 |
9 |
5.35 |
12/17/2007 4:40 pm |
|
|
Memories of My Ex
Isn't it funny the things you remember about your marriage?
After sweating through the stress of divorce and coming
to grips with the fact that we both had something to do with
why the marriage did ... |
4 |
79 |
12 |
3.15 |
12/9/2007 4:51 am |
|
|
THE HAIRDRYER MAKES IT THROUGH CUSTOMS
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked
the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course my child. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an ... |
2 |
46 |
8 |
4.41 |
11/29/2007 2:40 pm |
|
|
A simple question,please....?
Hello all friends...(Mainly the sweeties women lolll...,
but handshake for men...). A simple question about frienship beetween a woman (or
women, indeed) and a frenchie(froggie...lol) man...:
Is it ... |
0 |
37 |
2 |
1.73 |
11/18/2007 4:06 am |
|
|
GOOD OLD JOKES
BUT, I'm not implying that you're OLD !!!
An elderly gentleman... Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went
to the doctor and the doctor was able to have ... |
3 |
69 |
6 |
4.22 |
11/8/2007 4:08 pm |
|
|
MOSES
Recently, while going through an airport during one of
his many trips, President Bush encountered a man with long
gray hair and beard, wearing a white robe and sandals, holding
a staff. President ... |
2 |
55 |
6 |
5.64 |
10/29/2007 4:00 am |
|
|
Upset Golfer
A rather upset gentleman is in a competitive golf match
with a friend who is ahead by a couple of strokes. "Boy!
I'd give anything to sink this putt, " the golfer
mumbles to himself.
Just ... |
1 |
53 |
6 |
3.93 |
10/6/2007 4:25 am |
|
|
Dear Abby
The problems mounted so a letter had to be written………………..
Dear Abby,
I've never written to you before, but I really need
your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my ... |
3 |
73 |
7 |
3.55 |
9/13/2007 4:35 pm |
|
|
Dear Abby
The problems mounted so a letter had to be written………………..
Dear Abby,
I've never written to you before, but I really need
your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my ... |
0 |
9 |
1 |
5.00 |
9/13/2007 4:34 pm |
|
|
KILLER BISCUITS
KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual
AP headline)
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting
her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick ... |
2 |
51 |
6 |
3.37 |
9/13/2007 4:26 pm |
|
|
Murphy's Law Revisited
>& Law of Economics >The amount needed for the present emergency is always
in direct proportion >to the amount you had saved for a vacation. > >& Law of Mechanical Repair >After your hands become ... |
0 |
23 |
3 |
2.45 |
9/6/2007 2:32 pm |
|
|
Watch for the signs
It had rained for days over his property.As flood waters
threatened the Police offered to drive him to a shelter.
He refused Saying "My God will save me. Later, as floods
surrounded his cottage, the ... |
2 |
84 |
9 |
4.28 |
8/28/2007 10:50 am |
|
|
Swell Occassion!
Harry and Pete were constructing a shed .Harry's hammer
slipped catching Pete a glancing blow to his thumb. They
parted company fairly swiftly and Harry returned home
to take his heavilly pregnant ... |
0 |
60 |
8 |
3.25 |
8/27/2007 7:58 pm |
|
|
Ex-Girlfriend
This morning I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend
who called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still
around. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used ...
|
2 |
101 |
9 |
3.43 |
8/21/2007 6:31 pm |
|
|
Evolution in Teaching Math Since the 1950s
1. Teaching Math In 1950s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of
production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?
2. Teaching Math In ... |
2 |
62 |
4 |
3.25 |
8/15/2007 7:28 am |
|
|
IF Their Mothers were Jewish
MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER: "After all the money
your father and I spent on braces, this you call a smile?"
CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS' JEWISH MOTHER: "I don't
care what you've discovered, ... |
1 |
38 |
0 |
0.00 |
8/14/2007 3:42 am |
|
|
lost my wallet
A guy named Moe, traveling through Mexico on vacation,
lost his wallet and all identification. Cutting his trip short,
he attempts to make his way home but is stopped by a U.S. Customs Agent
at the ... |
1 |
55 |
4 |
3.63 |
8/13/2007 4:15 pm |
|
|
The pastor and the drunkard
Read this joke some time back.Took me a while to get it.
One day the town drunkard met the pastor on the street and
began to harass him. This happens quite often but it was ... |
0 |
65 |
3 |
0.98 |
8/5/2007 2:35 am |
|
|
Moaner
A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the
Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security,
stole the paintings and made it safely to his van.
However, he was ... |
1 |
49 |
0 |
0.00 |
7/28/2007 5:48 am |
|
|
New Study
Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists
released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence
of female hormones in beer.
Men should take a concerned look at ... |
1 |
76 |
10 |
6.37 |
7/27/2007 3:58 am |
|
|
It will happen!!!
>> >> YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID These people prove it
is a terminal condition. As >> always, competition this year has been keen.
The candidates this year >> are... >> >> >> Eighth Place In Detroit, a ... |
0 |
36 |
3 |
3.92 |
7/26/2007 2:46 pm |
|
|
Asking for a push
Asking for a push:
Man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning
by a loud pounding on the door... The man gets up and goes
to the door where a Drunken stranger, standing in the ... |
2 |
77 |
11 |
5.97 |
7/24/2007 6:51 am |
|
|
Right On
A US Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that
included 20 Admirals from the US, English, Canadian, Australian
and French Navies.
At a reception, he found himself standing with a ... |
2 |
69 |
12 |
4.21 |
7/15/2007 8:20 pm |
|
|
Groaner
A Doctor in Newfoundland wanted to get off work and go hunting,
so he approached his assistant.
'George, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't
want to close the clinic. I want you to take ... |
1 |
48 |
5 |
5.43 |
7/15/2007 3:30 pm |
|
|
Spaghetti
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman
for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous,
she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to
ruin his reputation or ... |
0 |
63 |
6 |
3.65 |
7/13/2007 7:39 pm |
|
|
Security
HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM IN THE SOUTH
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used
size 14-16 work boots. 2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of ... |
1 |
43 |
6 |
3.37 |
7/12/2007 2:21 am |
|
|
It's all in the way you look at it.....
1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer
evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood
up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I ... |
3 |
84 |
5 |
3.80 |
7/10/2007 6:49 pm |
|
|
No one believes
No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.
An Elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary.
The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and ...
|
0 |
27 |
2 |
3.81 |
7/10/2007 3:59 am |
|
|
Guardian Angel on the Job
This is worth sharing the giggles too  
Guardian Angel on the Job
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop!
Stand still! If you take one more step, ... |
1 |
69 |
9 |
4.28 |
7/7/2007 3:13 pm |
|
|
The Mule, the Monkey & The Man
I read this somewhere, and I think it's good to share
the laughs
The Mule, the Monkey & The Man
God created the mule, and told him, "You are mule.
You will work constantly ... |
2 |
51 |
5 |
4.77 |
7/7/2007 3:03 pm |
|
|
Three Arkansas Surgeons
Three Arkansas surgeons were playing golf together and
discussing surgeries > they had performed. > > One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in
Arkansas . In my favorite > case, a concert pianist ... |
3 |
59 |
7 |
5.59 |
7/4/2007 9:02 pm |
|
|
Second time around
Jim was in his early 50s, retired from the Marine Corps,
and started a second career. However, he just couldn't
seem to get to work on time. Every day, 5, 10, 15 minutes late.
But he was a good ... |
1 |
51 |
5 |
5.10 |
7/1/2007 6:02 am |
|
|
Duties
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they
had given their new wives duties.
The first man had married a Woman from Iowa. He told her that
she was going to do dishes and house ... |
1 |
54 |
6 |
3.93 |
6/28/2007 2:54 pm |
|
|
first date
A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's
nobody home." I went over. Nobody was ... |
0 |
51 |
3 |
2.45 |
6/24/2007 11:50 am |
|
|
A Few Ways to Kep From Eating Those Sugary,Delicious Things That Make You Fat.
Write a Postcard.
Food does not control your life!
Try to name all the state capitals. If you don't know
them, learn them.
Go to a baseball game and use the stairs. ... |
0 |
29 |
3 |
2.45 |
6/23/2007 9:18 pm |
|
|
Be Sure Of Your Topic
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane
when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's
talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow ... |
4 |
190 |
30 |
4.02 |
6/15/2007 9:21 am |
|
|
George Carlin's Views on Aging
George Carlin's Views on Aging
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like
to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than
10 years old, you're so excited about aging that ... |
0 |
25 |
4 |
4.80 |
6/14/2007 7:28 pm |
|
|
West Texas Cowboy
West Texas Cowboy
A West Texas cowboy was herding his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a ... |
6 |
225 |
39 |
4.87 |
6/13/2007 8:06 pm |
|
|
KIDS IN CHURCH
3-year-old Reese:
"Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.
Amen."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy was overheard praying: ... |
0 |
116 |
12 |
4.92 |
6/13/2007 2:42 pm |
|
|
Ambushed
King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch
of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed
him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So,
the monarch offered him his ... |
0 |
25 |
2 |
5.20 |
6/12/2007 3:40 pm |
|
|
Bear Challenge
A Priest, a Pentecostal Preacher and a Rabbi all served
as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University
in Marquette. They would get together two or three times
a week for coffee and to ... |
0 |
26 |
2 |
5.20 |
6/12/2007 4:01 am |
|
|
At 85 years of age
At 85 years of age, Morris married Lou Anne, a lovely 25-year-old.
Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after
their wedding, she and Morris should have separate bedrooms,
because ... |
0 |
40 |
3 |
3.92 |
6/11/2007 1:15 pm |
|
|
GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, ... |
5 |
118 |
9 |
4.28 |
6/11/2007 6:36 am |
|
|
Be Sure And Cancel Your Credit Cards
Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer
service being what it is today.
A lady died this past January, and Citibank ... |
1 |
57 |
4 |
5.57 |
6/10/2007 10:32 am |
|
|
More things to ponder
1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts
tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make
him wag his tail.
... |
3 |
73 |
9 |
4.71 |
6/2/2007 6:46 am |
|
|
New Survivor Show
SOUTHERN SURVIVOR Because of the popularity of the Survivor shows, several
southern TV stations are joining together and are planning
to do their own,
entitled: "SURVIVOR-- SOUTHERN ... |
0 |
24 |
2 |
2.42 |
5/31/2007 4:16 am |
|
|
worst joke ever
Two Mexicans, Pepe and Don Pedro, had been lost in the desert
for weeks and were at death's door. They stumbled on, hoping
for salvation in the form of an oasis or even a barrel cactus. Suddenly
they ... |
2 |
93 |
11 |
3.92 |
5/28/2007 8:25 pm |
|
|
How to Tell the Sex of a Fly
A woman walked into the kitchen
to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting Flies" he responded. ... |
4 |
91 |
14 |
4.10 |
5/28/2007 5:43 pm |
|
|
SOUTHERN WOMEN
SOUTHERN WOMEN
Southern women appreciate their natural assets: Clean skin. A winning smile. That unforgettable Southern drawl.
Southern women know their manners: "Yes, ... |
3 |
54 |
5 |
4.77 |
5/27/2007 11:45 am |
|
|
Funniest Joke In The World
The Father walks into his Sons room and says: "Son, if i told you once i told you a thousand times,
don't do that or you'll to blind." The Son says: "Dad, I'm over ... |
2 |
174 |
10 |
2.19 |
5/27/2007 3:47 am |
|
|
Time Management Problem
A young farm couple, Homer and Daisy, got married and just
couldn't seem to get enough lovin'. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields,
they made love. When Homer came back from ... |
0 |
151 |
16 |
2.25 |
5/26/2007 6:28 am |
|
|
Senior Prenup
An elderly couple in their 70's were about to get married.
She said: I want to keep my house. He said: That's fine with me.
She said: And I want to keep my Cadillac. He said: That's fine ... |
0 |
35 |
6 |
3.93 |
5/24/2007 4:17 am |
|
|
Nair
My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears.
So he cleaned both ears and the dog ... |
3 |
128 |
11 |
5.04 |
5/23/2007 8:07 am |
|
|
Some more points to ponder....
Some more points to ponder....
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have
produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it) ... |
2 |
34 |
4 |
4.02 |
5/18/2007 6:04 am |
|
|
Negative People
This is something to think about when negative people are
doing their best to rain on your parade. Remember this story the next time
someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your
life ... |
0 |
27 |
6 |
3.65 |
5/16/2007 12:10 pm |
|
|
Milk Bath
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful,
so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a ...
|
3 |
65 |
2 |
3.81 |
5/16/2007 8:14 am |
|
|
Wake Up !!
After a night of drinking, Steve crept into bed beside his
wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of ... |
1 |
56 |
9 |
4.07 |
5/15/2007 8:42 pm |
|
|
Husband Wanted
Husband Wanted....
A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that is was time to get married
again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP ... |
1 |
55 |
7 |
4.31 |
5/15/2007 8:38 pm |
|
|
Top Excuses When Caught Napping at Your Desk
"It's okay...I'm still billing the client."
"..in the Lord Jesus' name, amen."
"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
"This is just a 15 minute power-nap like ... |
0 |
17 |
2 |
2.42 |
5/15/2007 3:22 pm |
|
|
How To Shower Like A Woman/Man
How To Shower Like a Woman: Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper
according to lights and darks If you see husband along the way, ... |
2 |
43 |
10 |
3.78 |
5/14/2007 4:53 pm |
|
|
Why Parents Drink
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had
not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with
one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's
home phone number and was ... |
3 |
64 |
7 |
4.57 |
5/10/2007 10:20 pm |
|
|
Recipe
A man is showering up in a locker room with his buddy when
he notices his friend is very well endowed.
"Damn Bob, you're hung!" Jim exclaims.
"I wasn't always this impressive, I had ... |
1 |
45 |
4 |
2.86 |
5/10/2007 4:58 pm |
MLarue, 67 F
5/9/2007 8:45 pm
5
Articles,
Score
0.0
|
|
2 Neighbors Growing a Vegtable Garden
Here's one I hope all will enjoy!!
Two next door neighbors living side by side growing similar
vegetable gardens; Lady neighbor one day sees that her next door neighbor has
the most ... |
0 |
37 |
1 |
3.70 |
5/9/2007 8:45 pm |
|
|
Little boy on a bude beach
A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach
in Tampa. As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that
many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's,
so he goes back to ... |
3 |
84 |
8 |
5.56 |
5/8/2007 2:53 pm |
|
|
How many do you remember?
How many do you remember?
Head lights dimmer switches on the floor. Ignition switches on the dashboard. Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall. Real ice boxes. Pant leg clips for ... |
10 |
72 |
4 |
4.41 |
5/8/2007 6:00 am |
|
|
Lady walks into a Pharmacy
A nice, calm & respectable woman went into a pharmacy,
looked the Pharmacist straight into his eyes & said, "I
would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you ... |
1 |
62 |
4 |
4.02 |
5/7/2007 4:53 am |
|
|
Thai knots
After great \bsexo?\b, my Thai girlfriend lays stroking
my penis. "Do you want more \bsexo?\b?" I ask.
"No, " she replied. "I just like your
cock - I really miss ... |
2 |
85 |
10 |
3.19 |
5/6/2007 6:41 pm |
|
|
ALL GRANDPAS, HEED THIS WARNING :
Do NOT lose your Grandkids in the Mall!... A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached
a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my
grandpa!" The cop asked, "What's he like?"
The ... |
2 |
63 |
10 |
4.38 |
5/6/2007 6:10 am |
|
|
Marketing
Grocery store music -- Surround Sound >The new Supermarket near my house has an automatic
water mister to keep >the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, > >you hear the sound of distant thunder ... |
1 |
29 |
2 |
3.81 |
5/2/2007 4:59 pm |
|
|
Wonder If It Would Work
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I ... |
0 |
46 |
6 |
4.50 |
4/25/2007 1:54 pm |
|
|
Special Poem
LAUGH A LITTLE EVERY DAY.
SPECIAL POEM FOR US "SENIOR CITIZENS"
A row of bottles on my shelf Caused me to analyze myself. One yellow pill I have to pop Goes to my heart so ... |
0 |
17 |
1 |
3.70 |
4/23/2007 2:34 pm |
|
|
Pig Farmer
A farmer had five female pigs and, as times were hard, he
had decided to take them to the county fair and sell them.
While at the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male
pigs. After talking a ... |
0 |
45 |
3 |
3.92 |
4/22/2007 9:03 pm |
|
|
Cleaning Chickens
Late again, " the third-grade teacher said to little
Sammy.
"It ain't my fault, " Miss Crabtree. "You
can blame this on my Daddy. The reason I'm three hours
late is Daddy ... |
0 |
39 |
1 |
3.70 |
4/18/2007 4:14 pm |
|
|
A Favor
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland
asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman's ... |
0 |
38 |
4 |
4.02 |
4/18/2007 6:48 am |
|
|
OOOPS
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet,
and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her
boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to ... |
27 |
1311 |
173 |
4.34 |
4/8/2007 7:45 pm |
|
|
Southern Comfort
A very genteel Southern lady was driving across the Savannah
River Bridge in Georgia one day. As she neared the top of the bridge,
she noticed a young man fix'n {ready} to jump. She stopped
her ... |
0 |
33 |
2 |
5.20 |
4/7/2007 5:27 am |
|
|
In Bed
Husband and wife in bed together.
She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.
She: "Oh, that feels good."
His hand moves to her breast.
She: "Gee, honey, that feels wonderful." ...
|
0 |
43 |
4 |
4.41 |
4/7/2007 4:54 am |
|
|
Heavenly Spelling Tests
A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven.
While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked
through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting
all around ... |
0 |
44 |
3 |
2.45 |
4/2/2007 7:00 pm |
|
|
50 Years Later
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember
the first time we had \bsexo?\b together over Fifty years ago?
We went behind this very tavern where you leaned Against ... |
0 |
42 |
2 |
3.12 |
4/2/2007 8:08 am |
|
|
Real Compassion
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older,
it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping
as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell ... |
3 |
72 |
7 |
3.30 |
4/1/2007 7:46 pm |
|
|
A Man Sitting At A Bar
A man is sitting at a bar when the man sitting next to him slides
off his stool and onto the floor. He helps him up and buys
him a drink and ten minutes later he falls off his stool again.
Helping ... |
0 |
36 |
2 |
4.50 |
4/1/2007 6:52 pm |
|
|
Birds & Bees
The Modern Story of Where Babies
Come From.
A little boy goes to his father and asks, “Daddy, how was
I born?"
The father answers, “Well son, I guess one day you ... |
0 |
37 |
2 |
2.42 |
3/31/2007 10:35 am |
|
|
Untangling Knots
Untangling Knots
BETH MOORE AT THE AIRPORT >> For those of you who don't know Beth Moore, she is an
outstanding Bible teacher, writer of Bible studies, and
is a married ... |
0 |
21 |
1 |
5.00 |
3/31/2007 9:56 am |
|
|
Gold, Common Sense & Fur
Gold, Common Sense and Fur By Linda
C. Stafford
My husband and I had been happily (most of the time) married
for five years but hadn't been blessed with a baby.
I decided to ... |
0 |
22 |
1 |
5.00 |
3/31/2007 9:29 am |
|
|
The Coat Hanger
The Coat Hanger A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her
small daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and
stopped by the Pharmacy to get some ... |
0 |
22 |
0 |
0.00 |
3/31/2007 8:22 am |
|
|
The Atheist & the Bear
An atheist was walking through the
woods when he stopped and thought: "What majestic
trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!"
Then, as he was walking alongside ... |
0 |
15 |
0 |
0.00 |
3/31/2007 8:19 am |
|
|
Hell - As Defined by a Chemistry Student
HELL - as explained by
a Chemistry student
The following is an actual question given on a University
of Washington chemistry mid term.
The answer by one ... |
0 |
20 |
1 |
5.00 |
3/31/2007 8:16 am |
|
|
Ahhhhhhhhh... Idiot !
Two lolo's [oldies] were
arguing...
Lolo #1: "You sit in the park with a nice girl. What do you do?"
Lolo #2: "I buy some popcorn."
Lolo #1: "No, no, ... |
1 |
48 |
2 |
3.81 |
3/29/2007 7:00 am |
|
|
Guy Rules
The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" ... |
1 |
49 |
5 |
4.45 |
3/27/2007 4:33 pm |
|
|
Wishes
Three Guys & a Genie
Three guys -- a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an
American engineer are walking together one day. They come across
a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I ... |
1 |
57 |
5 |
5.43 |
3/21/2007 3:15 am |
|
|
What a Night
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out; both
were very faithful and loving wives. However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic
on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk & walking home, ... |
0 |
74 |
7 |
3.30 |
3/14/2007 9:36 pm |
|
|
Dog Diary - Cat Diary
DOG DIARY >>8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! >> >>9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! >> >>9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
>> >>10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My ... |
0 |
25 |
2 |
4.50 |
3/13/2007 4:06 pm |
|
|
A Priest and a Rabbi
An Irish priest ran into the back of a rabbi's car. Both
men get out and inspect the damage. The rabbi says "we
are both men of God there should be no hard feelings".
The priest say's "I agree rabbi ... |
0 |
47 |
3 |
4.41 |
3/10/2007 9:10 pm |
|
|
Texas Cowboy
A Texas cowboy read in the paper that Alaska had become a
state making Texas the second biggest state. He became
so upset being a resident of the second biggest state that
he went to Alaska to see ... |
2 |
64 |
3 |
3.43 |
3/10/2007 8:54 pm |
|
|
Sixties Stars revisted
> It was fun being a baby boomer... until now. Some of
the artists >of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics
to accommodate aging >baby boomers. They include: > > Herman's Hermits - Mrs. ... |
2 |
46 |
5 |
4.12 |
3/9/2007 3:36 am |
|
|
Special attendance
Special attendance, Recruit Tom is a left handed person
When recruit training, the drillmaster issues order:
" Walks in step! "Tom stretches out the left
leg, other people are the right leg ... |
0 |
23 |
0 |
0.00 |
3/7/2007 5:48 pm |
|
|
The earth quake .....?
One day, a person walking along the street, suddenly, had
tumbled.After got up, walked two stepps far, also tumbled
.Thereupon, he very quickly got up. But, resembled it's
the same as God cracks a ... |
1 |
33 |
3 |
0.49 |
3/6/2007 8:13 pm |
|
|
I Love My Job
>FW: I love my job! > >This is even funnier when you realize that it's
a true story! > >Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers
in Louisiana. >He performs underwater repairs on ... |
0 |
21 |
0 |
0.00 |
3/6/2007 6:29 am |
|
|
Making Love
A group of Marine Corp Officers are standing around talking
when a Lieutenant said, "I feel that making love is 80% fun
and 20% work." Captain responded by saying, "No, I think that making
love is ... |
2 |
78 |
7 |
4.82 |
3/5/2007 6:33 pm |
|
|
The Offer
A millionaire throws a massive party for his fiftieth birthday.
During the party, he's a bit bored and decides to stir
things up a bit. He grabs the mic and announces to his guests
that down in the ... |
1 |
79 |
8 |
3.01 |
3/3/2007 7:05 am |
|
|
The Letter...!!!
My dear Wife,
You will surely understand that
I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no
longer satisfy. I am ... |
5 |
142 |
19 |
4.71 |
3/3/2007 7:02 am |
|
|
\bsexo?\b for newlyweds
Jim and Sue were only 17 years old when they were married.
They couldn't afford a nice hotel, so they stayed home,
made love, and did some general housework, including replacing
all of the windows in ... |
0 |
42 |
4 |
1.30 |
3/2/2007 1:00 pm |
|
|
Tell me this won't happen to us
LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES: >> >>An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone
to report that her car >>has been broken into. She is hysterical as she
explains her situation
to >>the ... |
3 |
73 |
5 |
5.10 |
2/27/2007 2:07 am |
|
|
LAST LAUGH . . . . .
Lolo: " Lou, when was the last time you laughed until you cried?"
Lou: " Just yesterday, kiddo... "
Lolo: " Oh, Why?"
Lou: " You know, Bosses who are humorless ... |
3 |
87 |
9 |
1.50 |
2/26/2007 6:21 pm |
|
|
My cat is better then your cat
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were .
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant,
the third man was a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government ... |
0 |
18 |
1 |
5.00 |
2/26/2007 3:31 am |
|
|
Exercise is Important
The older we get the more important it is to incorporate
exercise into our daily routine. This is necessary to maintain
cardiovascular health and maintain muscle mass.
If you're over 40, you ... |
1 |
30 |
1 |
5.00 |
2/26/2007 3:18 am |
|
|
Never Lie to Your Mother...
A young woman called Paula invited
her mother for dinner, and during the course of the meal,
her mother couldn't help but notice how handsome Paula's
flatmate, Simon, was. She ... |
0 |
49 |
3 |
5.39 |
2/25/2007 2:50 pm |
|
|
Police Patrol
Outside a local neighborhood bar, a police patrol routinely
parked outside on the weekends for the obvious reason that
several of its patrons had the unfortunate habit of driving
home inebriated. On ... |
0 |
30 |
2 |
3.81 |
2/25/2007 12:28 pm |
|
|
Nice Pigs
RAZORBACKS
Last Tuesday, as President Bush got off the Helicopter in front of the White House, he was Carrying a baby piglet under each arm.
The squared away Marine guard snaps to ... |
1 |
41 |
5 |
2.82 |
2/24/2007 5:23 am |
|
|
Pilot
A blonde pilot
A blonde pilot decided she wanted to learn how to fly a helicopter.
She went to the airport, but the only one available was a
solo-helicopter.
The instructor figured he ... |
0 |
28 |
1 |
0.00 |
2/21/2007 5:13 pm |
NETTYJ, 61 F
2/20/2007 9:28 pm
2
Articles,
Score
0.0
|
|
I Promise
Artie and Liz had been married for over 35 years and Liz put
up with his tight-fisted attitude towards money, all those
years.
Artie had accumulated about a million dollars that he had
tucked ... |
0 |
34 |
1 |
1.10 |
2/20/2007 9:28 pm |
|
|
Politically Correct
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading
America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians
will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES. You must now refer to them as ... |
2 |
346 |
43 |
4.37 |
2/20/2007 5:10 pm |
|
|
DIETING . . .
Oldboy: "Wow,
you've lost a lot of weight. You look great!"
Oldgirl: "New diet."
Oldboy: "Really? What
can you ... |
51 |
459 |
28 |
2.83 |
2/20/2007 7:00 am |
|
|
Two sides to every story
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing
wife.
Tearfully she explained, It's the druggist. He insulted
me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple
times ... |
1 |
60 |
4 |
4.02 |
2/19/2007 1:26 pm |
|
|
Now we know
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a spot on their foreheads.
We have always naively thought that it had something to
do with their religion.
The Indian Embassy in Washington, D. C has ... |
0 |
24 |
2 |
5.20 |
2/19/2007 5:05 am |
|
|
Senior Dating
Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are
talking.
Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for
a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted
to talk with you about him ... |
1 |
59 |
2 |
3.12 |
2/19/2007 5:01 am |
|
|
OLD
"OLD" IS WHEN ... Your sweetie says, "Let's
go upstairs and make love, " and you answer, "Pick one; I can't do both!"
"OLD " IS WHEN ... Your friends compliment you
on your new alligator shoes ... |
0 |
24 |
2 |
4.50 |
2/15/2007 3:08 am |
|
|
If it sounds too good to be true...
You may have heard the expression warning, "if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is". I am here to say that this is also true
with relationships! If you think I am being paranoid, best of ... |
1 |
45 |
3 |
1.96 |
2/14/2007 5:16 pm |
|
|
A Family Discussion
While a family is at the dinner table, the son asked his father, "Dad,
how many kinds of boobies are there?"
The father, surprised, answered, "Well, son, there
are three kinds of breasts. ... |
0 |
50 |
4 |
5.19 |
2/13/2007 7:53 pm |
|
|
GOOD NEWS . . . . .
DOC:
"I'm sorry LOU... but you have a BRAIN TUMOR..."
LOU: "That's GOOD
NEWS, Doc! They say I HAVE NO ... |
1 |
62 |
7 |
2.28 |
2/11/2007 6:48 am |
|
|
DON'T STOP . . . . .
MOM: "Haven't
I told you if
a guy kisses you, say
"DON'T ? And if he
touches you, say "STOP?"
LOU: "YES, right MOM. But ... |
1 |
85 |
5 |
4.45 |
2/11/2007 6:40 am |
|
|
The secret to a happy marriage
With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the
Temple's Marriage Marathon, the Rabbi asked the husband,
Morris, to take a few minutes and share some insight into
how he managed to live ... |
3 |
101 |
10 |
3.78 |
2/11/2007 5:46 am |
|
|
Super Bowl
A man had box seat tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down,
a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat
next to him.
"No, " he says. "The seat is empty."
... |
0 |
17 |
0 |
0.00 |
2/11/2007 4:37 am |
|
|
Hoffa and Kenneth
Hillary Clinton was spending the morning at a primary school
in
Ithaca, NewYork to talk to the children about her job as
a US Senator.
After her talk, she offered question time. One little ... |
0 |
20 |
3 |
3.43 |
2/10/2007 5:19 am |
|
|
JEWISH HUMOR
A recently widowed Jewish lady, was sitting on a beach towel
at Cocoa Beach, Florida.
She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up,
placed his blanket
on the sand nearby and ... |
2 |
75 |
6 |
3.93 |
2/9/2007 6:17 pm |
|
|
How to
How to Make a Woman Happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only
needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a ... |
0 |
16 |
2 |
5.20 |
2/9/2007 5:41 pm |
|
|
Your might have grown up in ND if
** You might have grown up in North Dakota if...........**
You know how to polka, but never tried it sober
You know what knee-high by the Fourth of July means
You know ... |
0 |
14 |
0 |
0.00 |
2/9/2007 5:35 pm |
|
|
ND Winters
Winter Temperatures
>>
>>
>> 60 above zero:
>>Floridians turn on the heat.
>>People in North Dakota plant gardens.
>>
>> 50 above zero:
>>Californians shiver uncontrollably.
... |
0 |
15 |
0 |
0.00 |
2/9/2007 5:26 pm |
|
|
Dear Husband
Sunday - 4:35PM
Dear Husband,
I'm writing this letter to tell you that I'm leaving
you for good. I've been a good woman for seven years ... |
0 |
24 |
1 |
3.70 |
2/9/2007 2:38 pm |
|
|
PUN HUMOR
Reporter: "How do you prefer
to be addressed now, sir?"
New President: "At the same address where I live."
Reporter: "I mean sir, how do you want to be ... |
4 |
57 |
4 |
4.02 |
2/8/2007 8:44 pm |
|
|
Mother-in-laws
Peter: "Did you say you love your mother-in-law?"
Joe: "No, you didn't let me finish. I love her
to death."
-summer_lane49- ... |
1 |
32 |
3 |
3.92 |
2/8/2007 8:31 pm |
|
|
know nothing
This is something to think about when negative people are
doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this
story the next time someone who knows nothing, and cares
less, tries to make ... |
0 |
12 |
0 |
0.00 |
2/6/2007 4:08 am |
|
|
Surgery
When Ralph first noticed that his penis
was growing larger and staying
erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife.
But after several weeks,
it had grown to ... |
0 |
35 |
2 |
5.20 |
2/5/2007 12:33 pm |
|
|
New Study
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra
today than on Alz heimer's research. This means that
by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with
perky boobs and huge ... |
0 |
14 |
0 |
0.00 |
2/5/2007 12:23 pm |
|
|
THE URGE . . . . .
A neat looking gentleman said
to his psychiatrist:
"For years, I used to keep soap and save
water.
But now, I could feel there's definitely ... |
2 |
50 |
6 |
2.80 |
2/3/2007 6:46 am |
|
|
INSOMNIA . . . . .
Summer: "I'm glad
I attended your lecture on
insomnia, doc."
Dr. Boring: "Did you find it interesting?"
Summer: "Well... not ... |
2 |
37 |
5 |
4.12 |
2/3/2007 6:37 am |
|
|
A Gift
A Gift.....
The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being
old. I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old.
Upon seeing my reaction, he was immediately embarrassed, ... |
0 |
15 |
0 |
0.00 |
2/3/2007 3:29 am |
|
|
Cigarettes VS Tampons
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the
aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking fo r a box of tampons for his
wife.
She ... |
2 |
70 |
6 |
3.08 |
2/1/2007 1:39 pm |
|
|
love and marriage
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be
why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better ... |
1 |
23 |
0 |
0.00 |
2/1/2007 6:46 am |
|
|
Miracle Of Toilet Paper
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining
to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of
reassuring me it's not so, he uncharacteristically
comes up with a
... |
0 |
28 |
1 |
3.70 |
1/31/2007 1:40 pm |
|
|
CHILDREN'S TALK . . . . .
Two boys and a girl were boasting
about their fathers.
" My father bathes twice a week, " said the first
boy.
" That's nothing, " said the girl,
" ... |
4 |
73 |
5 |
4.45 |
1/31/2007 6:31 am |
|
|
he Irishman And The Priest
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said
to his priest,
"I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
... |
1 |
68 |
8 |
4.41 |
1/30/2007 10:56 am |
|
|
Scooby
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging
her tiny
breasts. Dr. Smith advised her, "Every day after
your shower rub your chest
and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want ... |
0 |
31 |
2 |
3.81 |
1/30/2007 10:47 am |
|
|
Listening
Listening
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school
playground and go into the woods. Curious he followed the
car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. ... |
0 |
31 |
0 |
0.00 |
1/30/2007 10:01 am |
|
|
BOB
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows
up at the Country
Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-
old blonde
who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful ... |
2 |
58 |
8 |
4.87 |
1/30/2007 3:14 am |
|
|
\bsexo?\b Fairy Gifts
This Is What \bsexo?\b Can Do For
1. \bsexo?\b is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find
that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone
estrogen, which makes ... |
0 |
15 |
1 |
0.00 |
1/29/2007 10:34 am |
|
|
DEVIL....HELL.....HEAVEN.....
One Sunday morning a teenage girl,
age 18 went to the church and asked a priest.
Girl : " Father, what is DEVIL , HELL , and
HEAVEN?"
... |
1 |
52 |
8 |
2.32 |
1/29/2007 6:46 am |
|
|
Living Will
Wife and husband are sitting in the living room and he says
to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state,
dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that
ever happens, just ... |
0 |
19 |
1 |
2.40 |
1/28/2007 5:53 pm |
|
|
A Guy Walks Into a Bar
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign hanging over the bar
which
reads:
CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50
HANDJOB: $10.00
Checking his ... |
0 |
32 |
4 |
5.19 |
1/28/2007 8:19 am |
|
|
Federal Assistance
An elderly woman walks into a convenience store and buys
some cat food. She puts the cat food on the counter and the
cashier tells her that because she is a senior citizen on
Federal assistance ... |
0 |
23 |
3 |
2.45 |
1/28/2007 8:07 am |
|
|
STRENGTH and GUIDANCE
A seventy year old man married a seventeen year
old girl.
On the first night of their honeymoon, the religious husband
prayed:
"O Dear Lord, please give us strength and ... |
1 |
52 |
5 |
4.12 |
1/27/2007 8:13 am |
|
|
ONE MORE TIME
> One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children
what their fathers
did
> for a living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman,
mechanic,
> businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and ... |
0 |
22 |
3 |
4.90 |
1/26/2007 3:00 pm |
|
|
nuances
Lovers of the English language will enjoy this......How
do non-natives ever learn all the nuances of English???
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings
than any other ... |
3 |
50 |
1 |
5.00 |
1/25/2007 4:21 pm |
|
|
one more time
First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet
Reno were having
one of those girl to girl talks. Hillary says to Janet, "You're
lucky
that you don't have to put up with men having ... |
0 |
15 |
0 |
0.00 |
1/25/2007 4:17 pm |
|
|
being happy
I find today I am happy just haveing ladies as friends and
lovers. It is so cool to have a woman care for you because
you try and understand where she is coming from. It is so
cool to allow her to ... |
2 |
37 |
2 |
0.34 |
1/25/2007 11:15 am |
|
|
sandyb2
in the morning i do not eat because i think of my woman, at
noon i do not eat because i think of my woman, in the evening
i do not eat because i think of my woman, at night i do
not sleep because ... |
0 |
28 |
2 |
1.73 |
1/25/2007 7:32 am |
|
|
The Test
I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I
had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me - her beautiful ... |
0 |
40 |
3 |
4.41 |
1/24/2007 6:54 pm |
|
|
New Boots
An elderly couple had been married for 30 years and never
took a vaction. At the husbands urging they went to Texas
for their first vacation.
The husband wanted to see the sights while ... |
0 |
44 |
1 |
5.00 |
1/24/2007 2:48 pm |
