|
Start your weekend with a laugh or two...
|
Aug 11, 2006 3:47 pm
Mood: amused,
502 Views
|
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's libido.
"What about trying Viagra? Asks the doctor.
"Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin".
"Not a problem", replied the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra. Drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went".
It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress.
The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid. Just terrible, doctor!"
"Really? What happened" asked the doctor?
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped his self straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good"?
"Oh, no, no, no, doctor, the sex was fine indeed! 'Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again"
*******************************************
An old lady is walking around in a supermarket calling out, "Crisco, Crisssssssco!"
Soon a store clerk approaches and says, "Lady, the Crisco is in aisle D."
The old lady replies, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm calling my husband."
The clerk is astonished. "Your husband's name is Crisco?"
The old lady answers, "Oh no, I only call him that when we're out in public."
"I see," said the clerk. "What do you call him at home?"
"Lard ass."
|
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
|
Would you lie??? (A Joke)
|
Aug 11, 2006 5:09 am
Mood: amused,
452 Views
|
Just passing this along.... (hope you enjoy it)
"Why Women Lie"
One Day, When A Seamstress Was Sewing While Sitting Close To A River, Her Thimble Fell Into The River.
When She Cried Out, The Lord Appeared And Asked, "my Dear Child, Why Are You Crying?"
The Seamstress Replied That Her Thimble Had Fallen Into The Water And That She Needed It To Help Her Husband In Making A Living For Their
Family.
The Lord Dipped His Hand Into The Water And Pulled Up A Golden Thimble Set With Pearls. "is This Your Thimble?" The Lord Asked.
The Seamstress Replied, "no."
The Lord Again Dipped Into The River. He Held Out A Silver Thimble Ringed With Sapphires. "is This Your Thimble?" The Lord Asked Again,
The Seamstress Replied, "no."
The Lord Reached Down Again And Came Up With A Leather Thimble. "is This Your Thimble?" The Lord Asked.
The Seamstress Replied, "yes."
The Lord Was Pleased With The Woman's Honesty And Gave Her All Three Thimbles To Keep, And The Seamstress Went Home Happy.
Some Years Later, The Seamstress Was Walking With Her Husband Along The Riverbank, And Her Husband Fell Into The River And Disappeared Under The Water.
When She Cried Out, The Lord Again Appeared And Asked Her, "why Are You Crying?"
"Oh Lord, My Husband Has Fallen Into The River!"
The Lord Went Down Into The Water And Came Up With Mel Gibson .
"Is This Your Husband?" The Lord Asked.
"Yes," Cried The Seamstress.
The Lord Was Furious. "you Lied! That Is An Untruth!
The Seamstress Replied, "oh, Forgive Me, My Lord. It Is A Misunderstanding. You See, If I Had Said 'no' To Mel Gibson, You Would Have Come Up With Tom Cruise. Then If I Said 'no' To Him, You Would Have Come Up With My Husband. Had I Then Said 'yes,' You Would Have Given Me All Three. Lord, I'm Not In The Best Of Health And Would Not Be Able To Take Care Of All Three
Husbands, So That's Why I Said 'yes' To Mel Gibson."
The Moral Of This Story Is: Whenever A Woman Lies, It's For A Good And Honorable Reason, And In The Best Interest Of Others.
That's Our Story, And We're Sticking To It.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
|
About Heartfelt-Please Read...
|
Aug 8, 2006 5:09 am
Mood: enthusiastic,
664 Views
|
I would like to ask everyone to please talk with Dave about his sample CD...We should all support this man in his writing and singing...I have been listening to his music and I am a true fan now...This man has a fantastic voice and writing ability...Please, support him and encourage him to promote himself to the general public...He should be rewarded for the musical gift he has to share...
Thanks Dave for letting me listen and let me know when the full CD is available...I will be your first paying customer...
Huggs,
Marie
|
|
|
14
Comments
|
|
|
Mid-Life Stress Items...
|
Jul 21, 2006 8:46 am
Mood: amused,
503 Views
|
I got this one recently and thought it was to good to keep to myself...
*********************************************
I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be... Puhleeeeeeeze! I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your luck) you'll probably relate.
Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.
In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.
Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.
Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.
Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too."
Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones.
Mid-life is when you look at your-know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: "For this I have stretch marks?"
In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water.
Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally
-- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.
Mid-life means that you become more reflective...You start pondering the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?
But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important.
We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
|
Granny Panties...
|
Jul 12, 2006 8:50 pm
Mood: amused,
646 Views
|
Your smile for today...
Granny's Crotchless Panties
Grandma went into Victoria's Secret to buy some fancy new panties. The saleslady talked her into buying some real nice bright red crotchless
panties.
Grandma put them on and waited for Grandpa to come home. When Grandpa came home, Grandma was all laid out upon the bed and pointed down to the new crotchless panties she had on.
She said, "Come on, Grandpa, you want some of this?"
(You ready for this one??? lol )
Grandpa said, "Lord, no! It done ate a hole in your panties!"
|
|
|
6
Comments
|
|
|
About my daughter's health...
|
Jul 12, 2006 7:47 am
516 Views
|
Hello friends...
Many have asked about the health problems my daughter is having right now and I thought this might be easier than typing it several times to answer the questions...
My daughter is a diabetic, has addison's disease, high blood pressure, tyhroid problems, and a heart condition, and also right now a U T infection...She has been unable to eat and keep anything down for close to 3 weeks...She has no health insurance so must use charity clinics/hospitals...While some doctors do care, it is not the best type care when you are sick...
Hope this helps you to understand where we are right now with all this...
Thanks for you concern and please give a prayer up for her...
Huggs,
Marie
|
|
|
5
Comments
|
|
|
Just thinking...
|
Jul 1, 2006 11:10 pm
Mood: contemplative,
693 Views
|
Have you ever wondered where you would be right now if you had not married the person you did...? If single, where would you be if you had gotten married...?
I sometimes think that had I not married the man I did I would have been happy...but then that presents another thought...I did marry him and I have the children that have been such a joy in my life...Granted, there were many times that we all were in pain in some form or another, but we made it...
The memories of the cute things kids say and do are the things that we now enjoy talking about when we are together...You know what I mean...Such as "Mom, do you remember when I" or "Do you remember when you" etc...
I feel that in some way the lack of happiness all those years has been stored away and just waiting for the right man to come along and say the words that unlock my heart and I will have the happiness I have searched for as long as I can remember...(I came from a broken family which is why I say that)...
Take a few minutes to think about how things are in your life right now...be happy for the good times of the past and look to the future with open eyes and you will find what God wants you to see and have...
A bit of humor here...Wonder sometimes if I can last long enough to see it all and find that man to share it with...lol...
Take care friends...Hugg you kids and your partner with a special thought of what it would be like without them...
Huggs to you all...
Marie
|
|
|
12
Comments
|
|
|
An interesting question posed by someone else...
|
Jul 1, 2006 1:40 pm
Mood: optimistic,
595 Views
|
The following question was posed by someone else and I think it might be interesting to repost it for more replies...hope Greyfox does not mind
***********************************
If you had a whole day to do what you really wanted to do, what would you do? And who would you do it with?
**************************
My reply:
You ask the question which touches the inner being of us all...
I think that if people were honest (man or women) we would all say, to be in love and with our lovers, at peace with the world and filled with the joy of knowing our love would last forever...
Isn't that what we all would want??? I know for me, it would fill me with such happiness I
would probably cry at least once each day as my love touched me, smiled at me or just sat
there with me...
Hope you would feel the same...
|
|
|
7
Comments
|
|
|
Ready to LOL or at least smile???
|
Jun 30, 2006 6:06 am
Mood: happy,
623 Views
|
GROWING VERY OLD JOKES--They Just Won't Die
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says.........
"I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today."
The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me."
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink too."
The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water."
"Coming up," says the bartender.
As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one too."
The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water."
"Coming right up", the bartender says.
As he gives her the drink, he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?"
The old woman replies, "Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue."
***************************************
"OLD" IS WHEN.......Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," "Pick one; I can't do both!"
"OLD" IS WHEN.......Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN.......A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
"OLD" IS WHEN.......Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
"OLD" IS WHEN.......You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
"OLD" IS WHEN.......You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of the police.
"OLD" IS WHEN......."Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today.
"OLD" IS WHEN......."Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
"OLD" IS WHEN.......An "all nighter" means not having to get up to use the bathroom.
AND
"OLD" IS WHEN.......You are not sure these are jokes.
|
|
|
9
Comments
|
|
|
Another one...so get upset with me again...
|
Jun 29, 2006 1:57 pm
Mood: courageous,
691 Views
|
I am sorry that some feel as they do about my blog regarding worst person and the Viet Nam war...I worked for the Army as a secretary in a unit that sent young men to Viet Nam and I was also married to a military man at the time...I knew of things that many did not hear about...
My "resentment" will always show for those who did things that caused the military and their families more pain...we were not just told, we saw the death counts and the crippled who came back...that is truth...
All war is a tragedy...There are verses in the Bible that speak of war and rumors of war...it will always be going on somewhere...But then, that is another topic...
Take care and say a prayer for the men and women who are away on military assignments and for the families who are left behind...
I marked this one as feeling courageous because I am putting my personal feeling out for public view...Not something I usually do...
|
|
|
14
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (txlady4u) use [blog txlady4u] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
71
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
201
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
