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Blogs > jeffpilot > I Am Not The Barber Of Seville
I Am Not The Barber Of Seville
  
If Liberals really hated America, we'd all vote Republican.

I don't promise to know what I'm talking about.

Your indulgence is requested & appreciated.

Rightwingers, please burn no crosses on my lawn Sundays.
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Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! Nov 21, 2006 2:20 pm
Mood: grateful, 1634 Views
Everyone on SFF, I hope your Thanksgiving is a happily memorable one. Eat a lot, laugh a lot, take a walk later!

To those of you who comment on my blogs, thanks for that: I never know what to expect & I sure appreciate it.

And I'm not actually as crazy as I may seem to some of you.

Honest.
28 Comments
If In Excruciatingly Polite Company You Belch Or Fart Deafeningly, What Is Your Next Move? Nov 19, 2006 1:43 pm
1667 Views
I can't wait for the answers to this one.
Say it's a truck backfiring or answer your cell phone
Say that in certain cultures that's the mark of a born aristocrat
Run screaming from the room
Insist when you did that during an audience with him, the Pope cracked up & offer to show the video
Ask where the parrot is
Claim the host or hostess has a rare, bizarre form of Tourette syndrome
Challenge anyone present to outdo you
Claim you're a descendant of Le Petomane
Point at someone across the room and say they're a ventriloquist with a sick sense of humor
Apologize
45 Comments, 41 votes
Of Those Now Likely To Run Who Would You Want For President? Nov 17, 2006 6:03 am
1276 Views
Hold yer nose and cast yer vote!

Don't faint. For once there's no goofy answer choices! Except of course all the candidates you hate.

They're in alphabetical order but please remember I live in the rural South and therefore may @$$ that up.

Apologies if I left out someone you like. Please write in anyone you choose.

Well, almost anyone.

Saddam Hussein, Moammar Gadhafi, John Mark Karr, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Borat, Kevin Federline, Kim Jong-Il, JeffPilot & George W. Bush all poll too weakly for serious consideration. dick Cheney may explode before the election.

My colleagues and I are all flattered just to be mentioned here.

Your comments are encouraged.

Blogger's note: I am neither presently drunk nor lying to y'all. But if some of these people say they think they'll get elected, they're probably both.
Hillary Clinton (D)
John Edwards (D)
Bill Frist (R)
Al Gore (D)
Chuck Hagel (R)
Duncan Hunter (R)
John McCain (R)
Barak Obama (D)
Mitt Romney (R)
26 Comments, 35 votes
How Do You Feel About Being Abducted By Aliens? Nov 16, 2006 3:38 pm
839 Views
Well how?
As opposed to being abducted by what?
Couldn't be any worse than my @#$% job.
The best excuse ever for filing income taxes late.
Wife, g/f, boss, dog, preacher & therapist are pregnant & lookin' at me. Them li'l green buggers best hurry.
If they'd let me fly their saucer I'd hop right in.
I'm curious & confident they wouldn't hurt me. It'd be a grand adventure.
Horrible idea. I'd rather be abducted by colonoscopy equipment salesmen.
Yeah! I'd ask them to cure me of whatever illnesses I might have and gimme a shot of youth serum and a 6-pack to go.
How long do those people live? How fast will those saucers go? Can I see Saturn up close? Only a dope wouldn't wanna go.
No. But I'd ask them to please give my obnoxious neighbors a dose of the Death Ray.
16 Comments, 15 votes
More Proof All Pilots Are Gentlemen (except those who are ladies) Nov 15, 2006 2:37 pm
773 Views
Jack Bolt - the only two-war U.S. Marine Corps ace - was a hoot!
During a commercial airline flight several years ago, he was seated
next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the
descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly
as possible. Jack pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered
his assistance to help with the various baby-related impedimenta.
When the young mother expressed her gratitude, Bolt responded, "Gosh,
that's a good looking baby... and he sure was hungry!"
Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said
nursing would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.
Jack sadly shook his head, and in true fighter pilot fashion exclaimed,
"Damn! And all these years I've been chewing gum."
-------------------------------------------------
A little Bolt bio:

Lieutenant Col. John F. "Jack" Bolt, USMC
Ace with VMF-214 during WWII
&
During the Korean War


Lt. Col. John F. "Jack" Bolt enlisted in the Marines in 1941 and flew F4U Corsairs with the legendary Major Gregory "Pappy" Boyington's Black Sheep Squadron. During the Korean War he piloted an F-86 Saber while in an exchange program with the U.S. Air Force. He was the United States' last surviving "double-ace", having shot down at least five enemy aircraft in each war. He retired from the military in 1962.
1921 - 2004

John 'Jack' Bolt, 83; Double Ace Fought in WWII, Korean War
From The Washington Post
September, 14 2004


Lt. Col. John F. "Jack" Bolt, a Marine fighter pilot who was one of the last surviving American double aces, having shot down at least five enemy airplanes in both World War II and the Korean War, died Wednesday. He was 83.

A resident of New Smyrna Beach, Fla., where he had practiced law since the 1970s, Bolt died of acute leukemia in Tampa, Fla., after fleeing the approaching Hurricane Frances.


During the Second World War, Bolt was a member of Marine Fighter Squadron 214, nicknamed the "Black Sheep Squadron," led by Maj. Gregory "Pappy" Boyington. The squadron was credited with shooting down 97 Japanese airplanes in 1943 and 1944.

Bolt, who flew 94 missions in an F-4U Corsair fighter during the Solomon Islands campaign, was credited with six kills, all Japanese fighters. Once, in defiance of orders, he single-handedly launched an attack on a Japanese convoy of barges and troop ships, sinking several vessels. Though he earned the wrath of Boyington, Bolt was praised by Adm. William F. Halsey Jr., commander of the Pacific Fleet, for his "one-man war on Japanese shipping."

After learning to fly jet fighters after World War II, Bolt was assigned to fly with the Air Force during the Korean War. In a three-month period in 1953, flying F-86 Sabre jets, he shot down six Russian-built MIG-15s. He was the only Marine ace of the Korean War and one of only seven Americans to be an ace in both wars.

In addition to three awards of the Distinguished Flying Cross, Bolt received the Navy Cross "for extraordinary heroism" for his actions on July 11, 1953, "when he led a flight low on fuel, in an attack on four enemy planes and personally downed two of them."

A native of South Carolina, Bolt grew up in the farming community of Sanford, Fla. After two years of college, he joined the Marines in the summer of 1941, training to be a naval pilot.

He was one of only 21 pilots to serve two tours of duty with Boyington's Black Sheep in World War II. Based on the New Hebrides island of Espiritu Santo, the unit was famous for its unruly nature, hard drinking and deadly skill in aerial combat. The charismatic Boyington, who shot down 22 Japanese planes before he was shot down and captured, later wrote an autobiographical account of his unit's exploits, "Baa Baa Black Sheep," that formed the basis of the NBC television series of the 1970s "Black Sheep Squadron."

On leave between the two wars, Bolt was diving in Florida's Tampa Bay when he set a world spearfishing record, taking in a goliath grouper weighing hundreds of pounds. After the Korean War, he worked at the Pentagon as an analyst of Marine tactics, before retiring in 1962 as a lieutenant colonel.

At age 47, Bolt then enrolled in the University of Florida's law school, where his son also was a student. The two formed a champion handball team, winning several tournaments. After graduating, Bolt was an associate dean of the law school before entering private practice in New Smyrna Beach, specializing in real estate law. He was the attorney for the city's utilities commission for 13 years. He retired in 1991.

In addition to his son Robert of Tampa, Bolt is survived by his wife of 60 years, Dorothy W. Bolt; daughter Barbara Bolt, of Tampa; and two grandchildren.
6 Comments
Regardless Of Age, The Average Cat Can't Do This Either Nov 15, 2006 8:02 am
Mood: experimental, 739 Views
Phooey. I couldn't even get L T. to try it....

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a
mistake.
The average person over 50 years of age can't do it.
Good Luck!

1. This is this cat
2. This is is cat
3. This is how cat
4. This is to cat
5. This is keep cat
6. This is an cat
7. This is old cat
8. This is fart cat (The guy's got L. T.'s number)

9. This is busy cat
10. This is for cat
11. This is forty cat
12. This is seconds cat

Now go back and read aloud the third word in each line from the top
down.
18 Comments
Is gas prices going UP in your area? Nov 13, 2006 3:25 pm
1030 Views
Well IS they?
Yeah they are.
Of course, stupid. The election's over.
So what? I wanna pay $59.99 a gallon for gas because I feel guilty about global warming!
Let's nuke ALL them A-Rabs now. And TAKE their oil.
Let's nuke ALL them oil-executive bastards now. And TAKE their blonde, luscious, tanned, supple, 27-year-old trophy wives!!!
Let's nuke ALL them @#$% A-Rabs and oil-company bastards yesterday. Them A-Rabs can keep their wives.
Damn right they are. See? George Bush is a selfless environmentalist saving us from wasting our resources.
What an incredibly stupid question, you Baboon..
No they aren't, you Stinking Commie. Betcha wish they were so you could blame Bush.
Who cares? I got laid two years ago, first time since Carter was president!!!!!!!!!
23 Comments, 25 votes
Thanks SFF Veterans AirForceOne, F4Pilot, Phoenix1948 & Others.... Nov 10, 2006 1:11 pm
Mood: grateful, 1011 Views
We the protected owe you a debt we cannot repay other than by expressing to you our lifelong gratitude for your service and your sacrifices.
20 Comments
Breaking News: Bush Becomes A Democrat Nov 9, 2006 7:31 am
Mood: drunk, 869 Views
President George W. Bush shocked the world Wednesday by announcing that effective immediately, he will become a Democrat. His voice muffled by a paper bag worn over his head, an anonymous White House spokesman said Bush's decision "was not influenced in any way by the Republicans' historic election butt-thrashing."

"I have declared war against this evil Republican axis of freeloading frat boys, trillionaire tax cheats, N.R.A. nincompoops, pervert preachers and rightwing renegade retards," a visibly angry president told reporters.

Bush went on to say that the Iraq war had been started on the sneak by a renegade Republican tourist who slipped away from a Pentagon guided tour and loaded billions of pages of false intelligence into Defense Department computers.

The president was unamused by this prank.

"I was riding my bicycle when this was done. It's not funny. It's all Rumsfeld's fault and as of today he's outta here on his old moth-eaten rear end." Bush said.

Bush's first choice as replacement Defense Secretary had been 60's pop idol Tiny Tim, famous for the hit song "Tiptoe Through The Tulips."

The president was quickly informed that Mr. Tim has been dead for years and would be unable to serve. A shaken Bush was midway through dictating a sympathy note to Bob Cratchit and Ebeneezer Scrooge when a White House janitor informed him that was the wrong Tiny Tim and that in fact Tiny Tim, Bob Cratchit and Ebeneezer Scrooge were all fictional Charles dickens characters.

"Dang right these characters has made a dickens of a mess outta this here nation," the president delcared.

Bush finished up his news conference by saying, "We Democrats are gonna fix this country. I got two-and-a-half words for all them crazy lying Republicans who created this terrible Iraq situation: "Bring 'em on."
12 Comments
What The Jack O' Lantern Said About The Republican Congress Nov 7, 2006 2:47 pm
820 Views
Please use your own imagination for the sound track....
12 Comments
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