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Blogs > jeffpilot > I Am Not The Barber Of Seville > Aug 5, 2008
I Am Not The Barber Of Seville
  
If Liberals really hated America, we'd all vote Republican.

I don't promise to know what I'm talking about.

Your indulgence is requested & appreciated.

Rightwingers, please burn no crosses on my lawn Sundays.
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Airlines may charge extra for fully qualified flight crews Aug 5, 2008 10:51 am
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The Airline Transport Association (ATA) said today that some U.S. air carriers are quietly looking into charging passengers a premium for having cockpit crews with first-rate qualifications assigned to their flights.

ATA spokesman Herb "Crash" Kaputnick explained that carriers are considering a two-tier system of standard and premium flights. Kaputnick indicated that flight crews assigned to standard flights could include members "in not necessarily perfect compliance" with FAA pilot medical standards and state and/or federal alcohol, drunk-driving, firearms and controlled-substance laws.

Kaputnick stressed that it will not be any airline's policy to intentionally bar well qualified crewmembers from standard-tier flights. Crew assignments will be based on passengers' willingness to pony up prior to boarding.

"Don't you smartass reporters give people the idea we're rounding up junkies, heart-transplant patients and winos and pouring them into the captain's seat," Kaputnick demanded. He said airlines will make a "good effort" toward the safe conduct of each flight.

Kaputnick said "very strict" measures will ensure each crewmember is fit for duty. "Absolutely no personnel unable to reach the plane under their own power will be allowed in the cockpit under any circumstances," he said.

According to Kaputnick, crew members unable to walk to or find the aircraft unassisted will be given vouchers for a meal in an airport restaurant, including "lots of good, strong coffee," and will not be permitted to fly till at least an hour later.

Appearing exasperated by the line of questioning, Kaputnick said, "You people should lighten up. Fuel costs a fortune and airlines are just trying to stay competitive. Last I looked, flying still beats walking."
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Why you need to study math Aug 5, 2008 9:59 am
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Sent to me by a friend.
-------------------------------------------------

To My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being
54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as
a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter I hope you will not wrongly
interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old
secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.

Please don't be upset, I shall be back before midnight.

When the man came home late that night he found the following letter on the
dining room table:

To My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years
old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54
years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like
to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with
Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is
young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old.

As a successful businessman with an excellent knowledge of math, you will
understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small
difference: 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.

Therefore I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.
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