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I have taken the liberty ..............
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Nov 21, 2009 8:03 am
624 Views
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of copying and pasting all of the recent blogs addressing the increase in bannings here on the site.
I have composed a note to the Powers that Be to seriously consider the charade they pose.
I have copied the following:
Back4's blog
LadyNads' blog
Tranq's blog
Jiminiycrickets blog
They ALL, save one, allude to the outrageousness of the bannings - though one is in defense.
EVERYONE concerned needs to follow through!!! Enough already!!!! Do your bit to stop the nonsense. Do your bit to make sure the accused has the opportunity to face the accuser. Do your bit to ensure the accuser is to be taken seriously and investigated to assure just how many handles under which they report so-called "abuse".
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35
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When Other Women Hate You Because You're Beautiful
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Nov 15, 2009 11:42 am
1495 Views
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This is a copy and paste from an internet blog by MsJD. (I might have added, When Other Women Hate You Because You're Beautiful AND Slender, but that would be MY post.) MsJD relates this pretty much to women in the work place. I have taken the liberty of editing portions of her posting to extend it to women in any setting .... possibly even a bash.
"No one really talks about it, but one of the main issues preventing women from getting along with other women is jealousy .... it breaks down to one of two things: jealousy over how good you are at what you do or jealousy over how good you look doing what you do. These related but distinct problems each deserve their own post, so I’ll start with Green Monster: #1: when you’re prettier than the average woman. Many of you reading this are probably already feeling an aversion to the topic — none of us likes to admit that other people are better looking than we are or, even worse, that we resent them for it. In fact, many of us don’t admit it, not even to ourselves. Instead, we channel the jealousy into resentment and let it lurk inside of us until the object of it does something that we can interpret maliciously — and then we hate them for that reason. I was inspired to write this post when I got a tearful phone call from a law school friend about how women at her new job don’t like her. Having gone to law school with her, where women had a hard time with her even then, I wasn’t surprised (though of course I couldn’t tell her that — part of the beauty of anonymous blogging is that I now get to tell you). What I wish I could tell her is that being hated for being attractive isn’t necessarily about what you look like. A lot of it is about what you do with what you look like. The most sought after person may not be the most beautiful one but rather the one who puts herself out there. Yes, I’m talking about flirting. So, while I would never suggest that an attractive woman should slum herself up .... I would suggest that there are things that can be done to avoid being eaten by other women by Green Monster #1, especially since, as I detail below, while in my experience women might be jealous of any attractive woman, they only actively hate those who inappropriately use their sexual appeal to their selfish advantage.
In thinking about writing this post, there are three main questions with which I struggled. The first is: why are women jealous in the first place? I don’t have the answer, though perhaps women are still socialized to think that their primary task in life is to get a mate, and the main thing that mates are looking for (so it may seem) is the most attractive woman around. Other women are therefore competition .... perhaps it’s experienced as a subtle insult not to receive attention directed at someone else, and the hurt of not being singled out finds an outlet in jealousy at the person who is singled out.
Question two: what can we, as women, do to stop the vicious cycle of women hating women? Again, I don’t know. We can all do our part by recognizing feelings of jealousy when we have them and working through our own issues instead of taking them out on other people....
Question three: what can my friend do now that she’s found herself the object of .... jealousy .... resentment and hatred ... ? Many of you will likely argue (with good reason) that it isn’t my friend’s responsibility to change anything — that the jealousy is about other people’s issues and not her fault.... Every person has to decide what price they’re willing to pay for any one of a million different behaviors, and using your physical assets is no different. My friend tells me (and this echoes what I’ve had other friends tell me, and what I’ve told myself on occasion) is a variant of “but I don’t do anything” (subtext: I was born this way. Men just can’t keep their eyes off me. I basically shower myself in shit every morning, but I am still so attractive that I can’t repel them). If you are someone who tells yourself stories like these, it wouldn’t hurt to explore whether it’s actually true that you do absolutely nothing. From what I’ve seen, more often than not if people dislike someone for no other reason than because that person is attractive, it’s not only because they are jealous of how pretty that person is. Why do I think that? Because there are plenty of very attractive women I’ve worked with or gone to school with who other women don’t hate. Is it that the ones who are hated are just that beautiful? No. Well, is it that the ones who are hated are just that much bitchier? No. So what is it? I’ve thought about this issue a lot, and my best analysis is that women hate women who use their physical attractiveness to their (sic) selfish advantage. No one hates the Angelina Jolie twin .... in a turtleneck and flats .... Women tend to hate the Angelina Jolie twin who wears a short skirt and a low-cut blouse and smiles suggestively ..... So, if women hate you and inside you tell yourself that it’s because they are jealous, but you actually want to get along with other women, .... here are my suggestions:
Know that you rarely if ever make friends by talking about how pretty you are.
It may depend on your audience, but I feel comfortable saying that 99% of the time, you don’t engender positive opinion about yourself when you 1) talk about an issue with another woman and attribute the conflict to the other women being jealous of you; 2) talk about how many men are after you, the compliments you receive on how beautiful you are, how some guy crashed his car while staring at you walk down the street, how it’s so hard to be you because of all the attention, etc.; 3) talk about how guys ... stare at you, hit on you, etc. .... Just remember, no one likes a braggart, and when you draw attention to an aspect of yourself repeatedly, people notice and tend to draw conclusions about you that may not be favorable.
Recognize your own self-worth
My assumption about many women who spend a lot of time flirting or talking about the items listed above is that their main source of self-esteem is their appearance. Regardless of whether or not I’m right, I view these women as less complicated and competent than they actually are because their own internalized belief that their looks are the best thing they have to offer comes across loud and clear, and I believe it because they believe it. A lot of us have been rewarded in life for how we look, and it’s natural that a certain amount of self-esteem has become attached to our pride in our appearance. However, we’re not in high school anymore. I maintain that it’s actually .... damaging to project ourselves as pretty faces. Why? Because we’re so much more than that. We’re smart and ambitious and competent. If we still derive pleasure and self-esteem from being physically desired, then it’s important to leave that aspect of ourselves at home because people pick up on what we project, and if you spend a lot of time priding yourself on your looks and drawing attention to your physical attractiveness and flirting, .... then a lot of people will view you in a one-dimensional way, and you will never be truly valued for what lies under the surface. You are more than a pretty face. Step forward and embrace that truth.
Understand the broader consequences of sexualizing yourself as a .... woman I firmly believe that it is damaging to all .... women when any woman chooses to use her looks to get ahead. Why do I say “chooses”? Because I do think that it is a choice. True, none of us chose how God made us, but we all make choices about what to wear .... and how to interact .... Am I… gasp…saying that women can’t wear whatever they want to? I am absolutely saying that. Am I…gasp…saying that women have to take responsibility for how people respond to their natural state of being? Yes. Why? Because our “natural states of being” are socialized. Many women get positive responses to their looks and learn (from an early age) how to keep getting those responses through subtle things like eye contact, body language, etc. Do you do things of which you’re not aware that others perceive as flirting? Why don’t you ask someone you think would be honest with you because you might be surprised by the answer you get. I truly believe that my friend doesn’t realize that she flirts all the time. After writing this post, I think I’ve convinced myself that I should tell her. Her flirting looks like this: low cut tops and high heels that she uses as props to accentuate her body in how she moves, a different smile for men than for women, brief touches on men’s arms or hands while she talks to them, standing closer to men than strictly necessary, complimenting men, laughing differently with men than with women, using different tones of voice when speaking to men than with women, .... etc.. I could go on, but I think you get the picture. I have no idea if my friend knows that she behaves differently with men than she does with women, but I guarantee that the women .... notice, and if they dislike her, it may not be because they are jealous but rather because they are disgusted by the behavior.
In conclusion, if you’re a pretty girl, please think about this: As much as you may enjoy getting attention for being pretty, the cost is high. When you draw attention to your looks for (sic) personal benefit, even if subconsciously, you are reduced to a lowest common denominator, you damage your relationships with other women, and you create an expectation that all women who could flirt to get ahead should, which continues a scheme of rewards for behavior that we as .... women want to leave behind us. We no longer need to battle it out to be the fairest of them all. We have a seat at the table now. We can get ahead on our own merits. We aren’t reliant on men to take care of us. Ladies, I beg you to be more than just your pretty face, and I think you’ll find that in the process, you’ll be more respected by women and men alike."
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Pending trip south!!
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Nov 10, 2009 10:18 am
422 Views
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My closest thing will retire in January. In February, we are planning a road trip at which time we will be driving through Illinois, Missouri, Arkansas, Tennessee, Mississippi and Louisiana via highways 55S and 10E. I would LOVE to meet with SFF chatters/bloggers en route. Please let me know if you are located within access!!!!
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13
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While everyone is off at the bash ..............
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Oct 30, 2009 2:53 pm
776 Views
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 I am doing my sis's toenails and fingernails tonight in preparation of a niece's wedding! Saturday nite, picture me at my closest thing's table eating salmon steak .... and then ... well, never mind! LOL Last night, Thursday, we danced in the livingroom til about 11:30 PM.
Hey, it's not all that bad an alternative! LOL
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8
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I heard it through the grapevine .............
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Oct 29, 2009 1:05 pm
989 Views
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You know what I do with that???? I dig a deep hole and bury it!!! I don't believe even a fraction of what I hear second hand, most of which is transmitted because of a personal vendetta and through someone seeking backing of an "attitude."
I give everyone a fair shake first hand. When/if they do it to me???? .... it will warrant substantiative consideration. Until then, it's hearsay and gossip.
Am I the exception???
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23
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Mott's popularity, good-naturedness and southern charm are confirmed!
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Oct 28, 2009 8:38 am
783 Views
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One final word on this .... bear with me.
Look how quickly this lady's notice of reinstatement sent her to the top of "Most Active Blogs"!!! Though it speaks for itself, I just had to reiterate, because it makes my heart sing!!
(Pssssssst .... Starphysh will hack me for stating the obvious. LOL She so enjoys taking her little pokes at me.  )
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7
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How to deal with difficult people ..............
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Oct 27, 2009 6:45 pm
907 Views
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This is a repost of yester-year, but it warrants reposting.
While I was still working, comes in the office mail a brochure advertising a seminar titled: How to Deal with Difficult People. The brochure listed 6 types of personalities that are readily identified in the work place (and elsewhere). Do you recognize any of these types?
1. The "Know-it-alls" - These are the one-ups, the arrogant with opinions on every issue. When called upon to clarify, they become nasty and defensive. "How could you be that stupid" is their motto.
2. The "Passives" - fence riders, they never let people know where they stand and shirk from commitment of any kind. They have no opinions and never offer ideas. "Just leave me out of it" is their motto.
3. The "Dictators" - rule by intimidation, demanding and brutally critical. "My way or the highway" is their motto.
4. The "Yes People" - slackers, they agree to everything, but rarely deliver. They cannot be trusted to follow through. "Sounds like a great idea to me" is their motto.
5. The "No People" - totally inflexible. They are quick to point out why something will not work and make it clear they are unwilling to try. "It's never going to change," is their motto.
6. The "Gripers" - Nothing is ever right with them. They prefer complaining to resolving issues. They thrive on office buzz and do whatever they can to keep the pot stirred. "It's everyone else's fault" is their motto.
These people descriptions are taken from the brochure. Dealing with them was to be encapsulated in a one day seminar offered for $99.00 per person. (Heck, I have a minor in psychology and we never covered this much ground in four years time!!) My supervisor laughed out loud when I told him I would like to sign on and asked if it would be covered in the budget. I took that to mean, "NO, we like it the way it is!!"
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18
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I hear Mott has been banned ..............
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Oct 24, 2009 10:17 am
1426 Views
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for posting info on St. Pete bash!! Can this conceiveably be true???? Mott is a saint in earth's clothing!! Down to earth, wonderful person!! Who can be responsible for this?? Who would DO it???? Think about it!!
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32
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Don't get me wrong ..................
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Oct 15, 2009 10:03 am
1466 Views
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I love photo Friday, but I wish it did not begin to occupy the front page on Thursday. I understand the timing is different internationally, but it would be nice to put everything in sync so that the front page is dominated for just one day.
No offense intended.
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32
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To link to this blog (earthytaurus3) use [blog earthytaurus3] in your messages.
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