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Aging and living alone ..................
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Oct 7, 2009 8:44 am
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Many elderly people believe they want to retain their independence by remaining in their own homes to the day they die. I love the thought myself, but not without a close-knit network of family and friends keeping a watchful eye!!
In many ways, I envy families who've maintained close proximity and good relations throughout their lives. That has not been my experience. My immediate family is miles removed .... or estranged for various and sundry reasons. My two kids are four hours from me, busy with their own lives, and get here less and less frequently as time goes by. I have an older sis who lives in the same town, but she's married to a man in ill-health, is not inclined to chit chat on the phone, does not drive and never has and is thus not in a position to "drop by." She pretty much remains in her own little, insulated space. Weeks can go by that we don't communicate, and then it's through my effort that we do.
I have a man in my life that I normally see four days out of the week, BUT the relationship is not without problems. We definitely have our "discussions," as he refers to them, and have at times taken a break from each other to "get over it." If I didn't respond to a call for a week or so, he'd probably be inclined to think I'm being abstinent again and leave me alone.
I've lived in the same town now for six years, but having moved here after my first retirement, I really haven't established what I would consider any really really close gal pals, no one I sit on the phone with on a regular basis, no one that would notice if I weren't around for a week or so. There's one, but she works screwy hours and is always tired. When we do meet for a social gathering, it's always as a foursome, when her long-distance trucker hubby is home. Again, this might occur once in two weeks.
My point is .... I am not closely bound to anyone that would notice if I disappeared for some length of time. I'm talking about as long as a week!
When I worked someone would definitely take notice if I did not show up. It would be noted as very unusual for me. I have never in my life just not shown up for work without calling in to offer a cause. BUT, now that I am home day in and day out, no one would know if I were lying dead in my own home for some length of time!!!
The older I get, the more this thought concerns me!!
I had a brother-in-law that never married and worked as a computer programmer for the University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee -some long distance from the rest of the family. His closest tie was with my mother-in-law. He was always a lone wolf, strangely so. I don't ever recall that he had as much as a close buddy. Well, when my mother-in-law grew old and died, he lost the only close bond he knew. He no longer had a "home" to go to.
He retired not long after the death of his mom and remained in Milwaukee. My sister-in-law seems to have been the only one who maintained even occasional contact with him by phone. He was never the one inclined to call. After weeks of trying to contact him without success, she contacted the manager of the apartment dwelling where he'd resided for many years. He was discovered dead on his couch. It was never determined exactly how long he'd been dead, nor an exact cause, but it was a good long while. My sister-in-law maintains he died of isolation. He was barely 62 years old.
I have a fear of dying alone and it going unnoticed for at least a week! I'm sure there are others out there that harbor this same fear .... or am I losing it prematurely???? My thoughts are now with selling out and moving to an apartment dwelling .... where someone MIGHT notice ..... though they didn't in the case of my bother-in-law. I just wonder sometimes how frequently this happens to older people who live alone without a very close network of friends or family.
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