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My Blog

Welcome to my blog!

"He Died"
Posted:Apr 22, 2012 12:01 am
Last Updated:Nov 21, 2013 8:47 pm
12621 Views
photo by Robert Postma

This Monday, April 23rd, 2012 will be 14 years since I lost my significant other, Frank. He died that evening shortly after I got home from a day out of town. We had a quick bite for supper, caught eachother up on our days and then he went back outside to rototill the flower bed in the front yard. He dropped there from a massive heart attack. That evening was the last time I ever hugged him and heard his voice.

I've been sad for at least a week now. I had no idea why at first. Then I realized when I looked at my calendar that it was close to that time again. My subconcious is hard at work. I wish it would take a hike sometimes...and give me a break.

Tonight I was flipping channels and almost like a miracle, I came across the movie "Mr Magorium's wonder Emporium". In my opinion, everyone who has lost a loved one should watch that movie. It's message is so profound. I've watched it at least 3 times and it still makes me sob and cry "pleeeeeeease don't go!!!"

Mr. Magorium tells the manager of his magical toy store (a young woman named Molly Mahoney) that he is going to die. Here is what they say to eachother:

Mr. Magorium: [to Molly, about dying]

"When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written "He dies." That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is "He dies." It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with "He dies." And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words "He dies." but because of the life we saw prior to the words."
[he pauses, then walks over to Molly]

Mr. Magorium: "I've lived all five of my acts, Mahoney, and I am not asking you to be happy that I must go. I'm only asking that you turn the page, continue reading... and let the next story begin. And if anyone asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest "He died."

Molly Mahoney: [starting to sob] "I love you."

Mr. Magorium: "I love you, too."
[picks Molly up, sighs heavily]

Mr. Magorium: "Your life is an occasion. Rise to it."

________

It's a wonderful movie with wonderful messages about dying and living and believing in yourself.

It's a miracle to me that I was feeling so incredibly low tonight and there was that movie from beginning to end...as magical as Mr. Magorium's magical toy store...to tell me that my life is an occasion and I must rise to it.

Methinks someone was watching over me tonight. Again.

Hugs...

PrairieSky

P.S. If you haven't seen the movie, it's SO worth getting it.

5 Comments
Come Sit By My Blazing Hearth
Posted:Jun 18, 2010 11:22 am
Last Updated:Jan 31, 2016 1:23 pm
12406 Views
I read something this morning that made me feel sad.

Vincent Van Gogh wrote: "One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul...and yet no one ever comes to sit by it." He goes on to say: "Passers by see only a wisp of smoke rising from the chimney and continue on their way."

Knowing that Van Gogh died young and very lonely, I felt saddened that he might not have known that we must INVITE people to sit by our 'hearths'.

Then...thinking further...I realized I and many others are no different than Vincent, in that we are likely afraid to invite others for fear of being rejected!

So...after coming to this realization this morning, I've decided to promise myself that when I talk to someone I enjoy, I will reach out and touch them or give them a word or a sign that they are welcome to come into my soul and set awhile by my fire and warm themselves and get to know me. But...only IF they want to. That way, I won't feel rejected.

Thank you Vincent. I love you. I love your art. It's brought me to tears many times. I would have loved to sit by your blazing hearth and get to know you.

Hugs...

PrairieSky

1 comment
My F
Posted:May 7, 2009 11:46 am
Last Updated:Dec 23, 2011 5:20 pm
13132 Views
Copyright May 7,2009
PrairieSky


My F’ing Fuschia Story

Somewhere in the mid 1990s, along with three other artists, I was asked to show ten of my paintings at a popular plant Conservatory in my area. I had recently completed a series of new works while I was spending some ‘healing’ time at a hide-a-way camp in Lake of the Woods area, so I was very anxious to show them off in such a beautiful building with so many people viewing them for a whole month!

I had shown in this building before and knew that I had to get there early on the opening day if I wanted one of the more desirable walls to hang my work on. When my significant other and I arrived early, toting paintings, stepladder and tools, I was ecstatic to find out that I could have the whole wall directly in front of the main entrance to the building! That wall had excellent indirect lighting and plants and flowers that would show off the work beautifully. I was blessed to have found it open for my taking! As soon as people walked into the door, my new series would be the first things they laid eyes on!

We went through our usual nit picking and arguing while hanging the art. “A little to the left”…”A little to the right”…”No, not that high”…”No those two don’t belong together”…”Put the end one in the middle instead”…”I swear you don’t hear a word I say!”…”That’s it, if you don’t appreciate my time, you can hang them by yourself”…”Honey, I’m sorry, I’m just pressed for time and I’m excited”. On and on and on. Finally…they all got hung, the frames wiped down and the glass cleaned. There they hung in all their glory, under perfect lighting, waiting for praise. My brand new works…which represented a major turning point in my life, in my work. We had time to grab coffees from the cafeteria and bring them back with us before the doors opened to the public.

We sipped our coffees as we went into our favourite “lurking mode”…so that we could eavesdrop on the viewers of my art without them knowing I was the artist. (I know, I know, that is not nice…but I guarantee you it goes on at every art show. Its sometimes the only way an artist can get an HONEST opinion of their work.

I was on such a high as the first rush of people came into the front door, that I probably was somewhat too inflated with pride and I immediately picked out two older, very energetic, well dressed women whom I thought looked like potential art buyers. The second they entered the door, they looked at ‘my’ wall of art and one loudly exclaimed to the other, “OH LOOK IDA!” (as she pointed to my wall of art)..”AREN’T THEY BEAUTIFUL?!” I immediately poked my significant other with my elbow and whispered through the side of my mouth, “now THERE are art buyers if I’ve ever seen any!” My heart soared!

While I casually hung around pretending to be one of the browsing crowd, Ida and her partner rushed up to ‘my’ wall, faces lit with excitement over my art…and stopped dead in front of my most prized three paintings and promptly bent down slightly in order to view the long planter of Fuschia flowers that ran just below my row of work, exclaiming loudly and excitedly to each other about how beautiful they were. Not once did they look up at my paintings.

My ears became hot and itchy, I dared to glance sideways at my beloved partner who was tactful enough to be looking the other way pretending he didn’t hear a word. I then looked up at the sky and whispered, “Lord, you DO have a sense of humour, don’t You?!” Sighhhhhh…..I was taken down a notch or two that morning and I’ve never forgotten it. The lesson has stayed with me all the years since good old Ida and her f’ing fuschias!

I told this story at an artist gathering shortly after that day and at every gathering since, I usually meet up with someone that inevitably will say to me, “Hey, will you please tell your ‘F’ing Fuschia’ story for the artists here that haven’t heard it?” …And I usually do. It keeps me humble. Heh, heh.

Ciao for now!

PrairieSky


copyright May 7, 2009
PrairieSky

4 Comments
Chatroom Problems Anti-American???
Posted:Apr 13, 2009 11:34 am
Last Updated:Dec 21, 2021 10:19 pm
17530 Views

Copyright. April 13, 2009.
PrairieSky


Chat Room Problems Anti-American???


As many members here know, there has been, for some time now, a rather sinister type of unrest amongst chatters and bloggers on this site. I have no idea how this situation started but as a 10 + year member and as an outsider looking in, I’ve studied the fighting part of it like a seismologist would study an earthquake that threateningly rumbles and erupts over and over again. This last eruption, in my opinion has been the most severe and I even wonder if it has created the beginning of the fall of this particular chat room civilization.

What disturbs me the most is that I’ve seen a battle for CONTROL from BOTH sides of the picture. I never see anyone sitting down and discussing a possible COMPROMISE or any effort to somehow settle this lengthy brawl in an orderly and mature fashion. Unless this can be done, this will go on forever.

I regard some of what I see in this fight as downright anti-American. I’m not an American but I’ve heard all my life that like Canada, America is a proud country of free people who enjoy the right to express their opinions (whether they be bad or good) without getting thrown in jail or exiled from the country or stripped of their hard-earned badges of honour.

What I see in this little chat world are people expressing opinions and getting pounced on, reported to authorities and thrown out of their chat rooms. However, I don’t see this part happening on both sides. The punishment is coming only from ONE side. This looks very bad for this chat site that originates in the very country that houses people who love their right to free speech.

It makes one think of countries who try to control their population with distasteful operations such as the Gestapo who exercised what they called ‘a cleansing’ or the KGB who watched over the population like ‘big brother’ or the Taliban who drives around terrorizing and beating the ankles of women who dare to show them below their burqas or the backs of men who dare to have their beards a little shorter than their moral law allows. This type of operation leaves a bad taste in everyone’s mouth and only adds more powerful tremors to the earthquake.

The Gestapo and the KGB both fell, thank goodness and I’m sure most in North America hope it’s the end of that type of control forever… but no…there are and likely always will be people on this earth with ‘stalker mentality’ who have the need to control others.

My gosh, if Bush got every person banned that called him names and accused him of all sorts of terrible things, there would not be very many people left in America. It would no longer BE a free America.

Unfortunately that is exactly what I see happening here on this chat and blogging site. I don’t see a lot of people left in the chat room. I don’t see a FREE chat site.

I was never a Bush fan but I do have to give him credit for one thing. It takes a very big person to be able to walk away from or turn their head away from someone who is saying bad things to and about them. Goodness knows he had people slandering him all the time!

Bullying and lashing out uncontrollably are signs of naivety, insecurity, lack of control and lack of basic values. Whatever happened to “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”??? Lashing out only because the other side lashes out makes no sense to me. Letting the other side lash out all by themselves and making themselves look small in the process makes a lot more sense.

I personally would resent being ‘watched’ by big brother, just as ‘big brother’ would resent being ‘watched’ by me day in and day out, whether it is in a country or in something so trivial as a chat room. (After all, this chat room, trivial as it may seem is a Godsend for many people who are challenged in some way or just lonely.) I would regard it as a threat to my freedom.

If people express their opinions WITHOUT using vulgar language or harmful threats, there is no need to exile them. I think this site and the parties involved in the fighting should ALL remember that!!! (Other questions might be raised here…like who makes the final decision to ban someone? Is it the owners of the site? Who ARE the owners of the site? Do any chat room members work for the site or do they own any part of this site? However, that could be another blog up the road.)

I know that writing this blog makes me feel better for venting, but I also know that what I think and believe may not be what the next person thinks and believes. At least I know this and will make allowances for it in my life. I will live a more peaceful life because of it. I can’t and won’t try to control others.

I love my country. I love my freedom. I’m sorry there are people in the world that will try to take that right away from me.



Copyright April 13, 2009
PrairieSky
10 Comments
, Golf Balls and Earth...
Posted:Sep 14, 2007 9:06 am
Last Updated:May 4, 2012 8:18 pm
13212 Views
When I was a I found a golf ball and added it to the collection of other artifacts in my jean's pockets. Another prize find from a busy day's exploring! Later that day, I sat on the back steps of our little shanty and slowly and carefully took the golf ball apart.

First I cut the white covering around the middle and gingerly peeled each half away, exposing (to my surprise)...elastic band! Miles of it, it seemed. I unravelled and unravelled...pieces of it breaking and springing up into the air, sometimes hitting and stinging my face. What a joy. Finally the next surprise revealed itself. A hard little black, rubber ball in the centre. I figured that was the end...but I didn't want to believe it...so I started cutting this mega-hard little ball in half. It was tough going, but after trying two or three different knives, I got to the centre. Lo and behold...something oozy started to leak from the centre of that black ball. A thick, wet, oozy, substance emptied that ball as I cut it all the way. In wonderment, I sat looking at all the remains of that golf ball for a few minutes. I then placed all the pieces in both my hands...and as I held them up in front of my eyes, a sad feeling came over me, along with the thought that this little ball represented the earth we lived on. So tough and hard on the outside...growing more vulnerable as the layers are peeled away. Then draining the fluid from within rendered the ball unbalanced, useless...destroyed.

I can't help wondering now if that thought as a mere could have been a visual gift. A glimpse into the future of our precious earth...which is slowly been stripped of it's precious metals, stones, fuels...layer by layer. Slowly drained of it's liquid centre of water and oil. Unbalancing our orb of a home so that it will tilt more and more, causing more violent storms and earthquakes..and maybe eventually spin out of control...or lie in space...dry, cracking and helpless. The only home we have....all for the sake of man's worst fault. Greed.

Just a thought from my childhood. It may seem silly...but I'll bet it isn't all that far from the truth.

PrairieSky

0 Comments
Eccentric...not crazy. lol
Posted:Jul 24, 2007 12:45 am
Last Updated:Mar 24, 2008 2:07 pm
12810 Views
I got up Sunday thinking it was Monday. I made coffee and decided to phone my doctor's office for some info I needed. His line rang and rang and noone answered. I got annoyed, wondering if this man ever worked. He and his receptionist seemed to be out of his office more often than in it. For the next hour I tried a few more times, until my girlfriend phoned me to chat. I asked her why she was not working at her volunteer job...and she said..."because this is Sunday." (silence)
"oh" I said. (I didn't tell her about phoning my doctor's office.) So that's how my Sunday started. Now I am old enough to know that when a day starts like that for me...it usually isn't the last thing that will happen that day. LOL I tried not to think about it though.

I puttered around my yard doing this, that and the other. Summer is so short in central Canada, so we have to 'make hay while the sun shines'. I decided to set the sprinkler in my garden while I puttered, so pulled the hose out to my garden bench, and sat down to screw the sprinkler onto the hose end. What the heck...the sprinkler didn't fit. I tried again, but no go. I squinted into the sprinkler end and sure enough, there appeared to be a piece missing. I went back to my shed and looked around on the shelf and on the floor for a little piece that might look like it belonged to the sprinkler end. Hmmm. No luck. Maybe if I moved some things out of the way...I could search better. I started carrying things out of the shed and while I was at it, I kind of started to tidy up a bit. No sprinkler end thingie though. I hauled everything back into the shed. Then I thought maybe it was the hose end that was wrong...so I hopefully grabbed another length of hose from the shed, went back to my bench, where I attached the extra hose to the existing hose. Ahha....maybe this will work. Nope...it didn't. OK. Well that left me only one thing to do. Zip to the hardware store with sprinkler in hand and find a piece that would fit. Off I went.

Got there and pushed on the door and it would not open. Of course. It was Sunday. Harware store is closed. Sighhh. Back home I went.

When I came back home...deep in thought about this sprinkler, I decided to see if it would fit onto my hose in the front yard. It didn't. Drats.

Back to my garden bench. Tried to fit the sprinkler on again. Danged if it didn't fit this time!!! "What the?????" says I.

I am almost too embarrassed to tell you all this...but I actually spent all that time with that &^%&*&^%$ sprinkler...and never once did it enter my mind to look at the OTHER end of it. Yep....I was trying to fit the wrong end onto the hose.

So anyone out there who thinks they are getting forgetful...or doing ...um...unusual things...you might not feel so bad now. LOL

I am NOT going to tell you about the third craz....um....eccentric thing I did that day.

Ciao for now...

PrairieSky

1 comment
A Funeral to Remember
Posted:Jun 22, 2007 9:31 am
Last Updated:Dec 13, 2011 10:40 pm
12110 Views

Posted Picture: Frank and I one Halloween (way back when.)

My significant other (may he rest in peace)and I attended a funeral one day, for an old drinking buddy of his. We filed into the solemn funeral chapel, signed the guestbook and found us a seat at the end of a pew about half way to the front of the chapel where the coffin traditionally displays the departed. Soon, as people continued filing in, we ended up sitting in the middle of the pew...impressed that so many people were arriving.

We had come a bit early, and it was a few minutes before we got adjusted to our surroundings enough to really take a look around us. Frank gently poked his elbow into my ribs and whispered "I don't see anyone I know." Well I hadn't seen anyone I know either, but then I wasn't expecting to know a lot of people there anyway. I suggested to him that maybe the ones we know were somewhere at the front of the chapel near the coffin. He was developing a bit of a worried look on his face...and then I think it struck both of us at the same time that it was a possibility that we might be at the wrong funeral.

He hissed into my ear(a bit frantically as I recall) that he was going to go to the back and talk to one of the ushers and that I should be on the alert, because if he gives me a little wave, it means we are at the wrong funeral and I should make my way as inconspicuously as possible to the back of the chapel, and out of the building.

One has to know me well to understand how my sense of humour works and how it has, countless times in my life, gotten me into hot water. Once it reaches a certain point, there seems to be little or no controlling it. Well...I will tell you now that it was beginning to bubble and froth to that point as I watched Frank make his way past all those other people in our pew. I was desperate. "Oh God, please don't let me laugh out loud. Oh God, please don't let me laugh out loud, Oh God, please don't let me laugh out loud"....I prayed. God seemed to hear me because I suddenly clamped my hands over my mouth and nose, lowered my eyes and I knew the muffled sounds I was making and the heaving of my shoulders looked like I was crying. After what seemed like eons, I glanced behind me to the back of the chapel...and yes...there was Frank with this dark look on his face and his hand in the air. The heaving of my shoulders and the muffled cries under my hands increased. Up I got, pushing past the pew people, who were all staring up at me with sympathy...for my uncrollable grief. I felt guilty...as I clambored past them, hands over mouth, shoulders heaving, purse smacking people's shouders.

I walked fast. To the back of the chapel, past
Frank, out the door, onto the street, where I broke into a run. About a hundred yards or so away from the chapel, I finally allowed myself to stop, bend over and loudly guffaw!! I had to let it out before it burst within me. When Frank caught up to me, he was smirking but his eyes were howling (he was like that). He said "I think I got my funeral homes mixed up."

We went to the funeral home a few blocks away. We entered a wee bit late but immediately saw people we knew and poured ourselves into one of the back pews. I was still having trouble controlling myself, but tried very hard not to think about anything. The funeral seemed to last forever...but finally we were in the car and on our way when we both thought of the guestbook we signed at the first funeral. LOL LOL LOL....well.....we howled about the whole experience all the way home and felt sorry for the family who would check over their guestbook and wonder who the hell we were...and the people in our pew wondering who the very distraught lady was that had to leave the funeral.

I could write a book on embarrasing moments in my life. I'll bet a lot of us could.

Ciao for now....and hugs.

PrairieSky
3 Comments

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