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The power of a dynamic spirit(two posts in one) Aug 10, 2006 5:55 am
Mood: hopeful, 495 Views
As most of you can tell, who have read my posts, I'm not up to par lately.

I went to see someone from HiCap regarding the medical system I'm in through medicare and Secure Horizons.

I learned that Medicare pays HMOs approximately $800.00 per member per month. Secure Horizons gets a portion of this money and then my service provider,local medical group, gets a portion of that money.

My chief complaint was the time alloted to me as a patient and a physician who normally speaks a nominal amount of english.

HMOs allow 15 minutes of time per office visit. If you cannot talk to your physician sufficiently to satisfy your need for information and/or treatment, everyone has gotten paid but you didn't get your needs met.

He told me to make a list of things before I see my doctor and then duplicate the list as a copy to give the doctor. If the issues aren't addressed sufficiently, I am to call customer service at my HMO, Secure Horizons. They must meet my needs. My first request is going to be for an American, english speaking doctor. So I can understand them.

The man I spoke to yesterday has faced a multitude of severe health crisis over time. Each one was life threatening. He is facing cancer surgery next week.

As we talked about life I realized he had something I really want. It's a dynamic spirit.

I believe that people with dynamic spirits will live through many things. Things that can take the lives of others.

I have witnessed this spirit in Lexxie. I have witnessed this spirit in Stillwater. That innate quality that drives them on to become overcomers.

I know I haven't been coming across as my usual self. But I'm working on it. Love, Pollyanna)
6 Comments
TV News across the Country Aug 9, 2006 7:27 am
Mood: contemplative, 501 Views
In my travels across the United States, I like to catch the early morning news casts.

There was once a time when the news casts were different depending upon what state we might be in.

As I recall, a stay in Idaho, gave us a fresh slant to news programs that were presented there. More on human interest stories. The positive kind. When I was there a number of years ago, there was a big push for getting communities to donate coats for school children. It's sad in a nation such as ours that school children would need donated coats. But it was refreshing to see the human concern shown in the broadcasts.

In our trip to Colorado, we turned on the morning news programs. It was the "same oh, same oh" everywhere. I guess because some of the stations are nationally owned.

I don't know about you, but I find it very depressing to see news on robberies and murders and breakins at homes.

The interesting thing about this kind of news is how we become focused on a few cases every day, even if they have to go out of state to find them.

I want to know what is going on each day. I don't watch news on the continuous turmoil in the middle east. I don't believe our President any more or his staff. None of it makes sense.

The cry for immigration control is in direct conflict with the obvious hiring of people who obviously haven't been here long enough to learn our language. It doesn't make sense.

I'm tired of seeing our young people exploited and burned out on whatever the fashion trends may be. Even though its just a few on TV, it seems like our whole world is into the perverse things going on.

We all know there is crime and sick people who commit crimes. We all know that "sex sells". I for one am in a delimna regarding whether to watch the daily news or disengage myself from it entirely. Those are my thoughts on the topic. Love, Pollyanna
3 Comments
The man who was my "God" Aug 8, 2006 12:50 pm
Mood: apathetic, 521 Views
Gone are the days,
when you looked like a king
Beautiful cut hair,
and nice dressy things.

You smelled so devine,
I can still feel the chill

The thrill that you gave me
Just standing there.

There was nothing, no nothing
I wouldn't do for you.

I'd fly to the moon,
if you asked me too.

So in Love was I
with the man who was my "God"

I'd give you my love anywhere,
even on sod.

But today you're a mess
and you don't even care.

You wear last weeks clothes,
and won't comb your hair.

You say that I'VE changed,
that I'm just not fair.

But the look of you,
the smell of you,

makes me gag with dispair.

What happened to the king,
to whom I was paired.

Love, Pollyanna
3 Comments
Why am I so tired??????? Aug 8, 2006 10:27 am
Mood: amused, 536 Views
Mark went into the rehab center yesterday. It has been a whirlwind adventure with him returning to my life for the few days we had together.

It was so much fun to be with him. Like all human beings he is truly unique. He has a plan and the rehab center had to be the first part of that plan. I know I will probably never have a two week period of time to revel in all he is again. So I am grateful for the time we had together.

His older brother resented his presence here and I guess the time we were able to spend together.

Son number 2 called yesterday to ask if he can return home September 1st. I'm glad for a couple of weeks to get back to a normal routine.

Bryan is my "Italian Stallion". He wears that Sebastian perfume and it takes me off my feet. He is charming, fun, and extremely handsome. He has a plan and a rehab experience will begin for him shortly after he returns home. All this is happening so fast. I'm extremely happy to have a little time with each of my sons. Brief though it may be.

How I wish I could have male friends be like my sons in that we're good friends and have fun together. That's all I really want.

I have my guard up whenever I'm contacted because I don't know what a contact really wants from me.

I just want to do things, travel, and have shared experiences. No marriage, no planned future, just short term friendly fun. If it turns into a long term friendship so be it. But life is getting short for all of us. Long term may not be long term in reality. But who can take reality, right?

I laugh at how well I'm reacting to the "fun" I had with Mark. I'm exhausted still, and still ill. I would be a barrel of laughs, lolol. I can see myself flying to meet someone and having to go to bed a couple of days to recooperate over the jet lag. But that's the way it is.

I'm trying to learn more about energy and what I can do to boost mine. There's so much I'd love to do.....I know I'll find my answers. I've already begun my quest.

Happy hunting dear ones, Love, Pollyanna
4 Comments
Life's little song Aug 8, 2006 7:18 am
Mood: contemplative, 445 Views
I sit here rocking, all on my own.
It's been a long time since we had our home.

I remember the days when our children were young,
We were so busy, we didn't notice when they'd gone.

If I could live over the memories I have now.
I'd have stayed home with our boys,
We'd have managed some how.

But today all the memories are all cast in stone
I rock by myself in a world all alone.

If I had known better, when I was so young,
I'd have lived a little, played a little,
and waited some.

Our children are grown now, all on their own.
They have little time for Mother and home.

I guess it's a cliche, a repeat of life's song,
guess God and Nature planned it,
this little life's song. Pollyanna
1 comment
Attempt at poetry Aug 7, 2006 9:04 pm
Mood: apathetic, 513 Views
Oh honey, let's not argue no more,
Just pick up your clothes
off the darn bathroom floor.

You've told me you love me,
why is it so hard,
to take out the garbage
and keep mowed the yard.

You promised me kisses and
romance and fun.

Now that we're married,
you're always on the run.

Somehow I knew, that this
day would come

You'd forget that you once
loved me

and leave me alone.
Alone with my memories
alone with my songs

Tears running down my face
wondering what I did wrong.

I'm careful with money,
spend little on myself,

But you like our neighbor
cause she looks so svelt.

So here I'm left sitting
with kleenex in hand

What was I thinking when
our hearts first blend.

A mindless dream to be sure
to be sure.

I wish I had known
what I didn't know before.

Love, Pollyanna
5 Comments
The shreaded headliner in my car!!!! Aug 7, 2006 7:26 pm
Mood: amused, 468 Views
Reading Truehearts experience at Walmart made me remember a particular experience.

My sons ranged in ages of 2 to 6 years old. There were 4.

During those days it was common place to leave the kids in the car while the adults shopped. I was in a store called FedMart. It was a forerunner to Whitefront then KMart and now Walmart. A combination market and department store.

I had been very sick with the flu. It was a very warm afternoon. I had waited to shop until we were almost out of everything.

Finally I was trying to decide whether to buy some underwear for myself or buy underwear for the boys. The boys won. I got all new underthings for them.

As I was walking back to the car, I could see the youngest one jumping up and down in the back seat. The others were in various states of activity. I then saw something shreaded and hanging down from the top of the inside of the car. I can remember slowing down as I got closer with my eyes buggin out in disbelief. They had torn the headliner of my car in strips that were hanging down inside.

I went into the biggest rage of my whole life. I was so angry I could have killed each one of them. Just the thought of what it would cost to replace that headliner. And then, I had decided to purchase them the underthings and not myself. The whole thing was insulting to me.

I realized that I was so close to coming completely out of control, I needed to employ some special tactics.

I got in the car without saying a word. I told myself to breathe deeply and slowly. I started the car and drove quietly to my home. The boys knew what they had done was wrong. They knew they were in big trouble, yet I said absolutely nothing.

We got home and I let them out of the car. I went in and called my Mother and explained what had happened and that I was so afraid that if I even approached dicipling my sons I was afraid I would seriously hurt them or possibly kill them.

My Mother told me I had done the right thing and she came right over.

I don't remember ever diciplining my sons. I calmed down after visiting with my Mother. My sons never knew how close I came to seriously injuring them.

We did ultimately have the headliner replaced. Today it's one of our favorite family stories. We laugh now. But it was deadly serious then. That was really something. Love, Pollyanna
1 comment
Baloney on Love.......can you CARE? Aug 7, 2006 9:08 am
Mood: contemplative, 550 Views
I got up this morning and made coffee. My son went to feed our fish. He turned on the aquarium light and to our dismay, one of the Parrot fish was upside down in the tank.

He put his hand in the tank and tried to rouse the little fish and it moved. But it's showing signs of not feeling too well.

There are three Parrot fish in the tank. One took notice of the slow one. It has been going over to its sister and nudging her to wake up and get moving.

It cares. Even in nature, caring counts the most. I don't know what is ailing the slow one. Maybe it's her time to go. But that little act of caring that we witnessed was so meaningful.

We think we want love, but isn't it caring? Love, Pollyanna
8 Comments
Horoscopes.....Phooeeeyyy!!!! Aug 6, 2006 5:58 pm
Mood: amused, 566 Views
In the middle of the month of July, my horoscope told me to clear the playing field of all unfulfilling relationships, cupid was going to hit with a lightning bolt! NOT.

Today, it says my energy is soaring and I will be a great influence in my family. Especially NOT.

I've been on my back most of the day. No energy at all. Living on cough surip, chicken soup, and cranberry water.

How do astrologers make a living with info like this? I won't pay their fees, that's for sure.

But it goes to show God is still in charge. Aren't cha glad? Love, Pollyanna
7 Comments
There's Fire In The Hole Aug 6, 2006 8:11 am
Mood: courageous, 498 Views
Michael woke me up with another donut and coffee from a donut shop this morning.

He then began to speak in an outrage over his brothers presence in the home.

I was hardly awake and able to take on the depth of Michaels feelings about this.

Clearly sibling rivalry does not go away with maturity in years.

Mike blamed his return to alcohol on the presence of his brother.

The odd thing about this is both brothers dearly love each other. They lived together in an alcoholic environment for several years. Michael was very apprehensive about having his brother come here to begin with. I could tell he was on edge at the very thought. I don't know exactly what Michaels issue is. It's too early in the day for me to even be able to think about it.

His brother is guaranteed an opening in the rehab house that Michael graduated from. He is supposed to go in tomorrow.

I have thoroughly enjoyed my younger sons company. I have enjoyed the time we had to get reaquainted on our trip. Each son has his own goals and I believe that they finally see that if they are going to have any kind of security in their old age, time is of the essence.

I am only 5'1" tall. These men are grown and much bigger and can be louder than me. The first thing I did this morning was to pray for wisdom.

I told Michael that each of us have the responsibility for making the very best choices we can for ourselves. My desire is for peace, tranquility and harmony. I will have these even if it means I cry alone sometimes.

I am past the years of tolerating drama and open hostilities.

I will have my peace, tendered with Gods wisdom. Love, Pollyanna
2 Comments
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