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Hooked on a feeling..... Jan 6, 2007 8:43 am
Mood: beautiful, 407 Views
I miss that feeling. You know, the romantic ones. When Marshall was alive, we were so used to each other we got to where just being in the same space was enough.

Now that he's gone I find myself wishing for those romantic feelings again.

But you know, they're fleeting. Especially after people become used to each other in a relationship. That's when the friendship and kindness and gentleness become so important.

I turned on my "Shout to the Lord" tape (Praise music) and my heart was lifted to a place of devine bliss. I like that feeling the best.

Praising God in a church that believes in open joyful praise, is the best feeling in the world.
You can have it anytime, at any stage of life.

Besides, I'm Marshall's girl. He said God created me for him. I can't imagine anyone taking his place. I know when I see him again, I will have a whole new appreciation for who he is to me. So between now and then, I'll let the praises roll on. Love, Pollyanna
1 comment
Does the morning news ever scare you? Jan 5, 2007 9:09 am
Mood: contemplative, 404 Views
On the morning news it was said that 2007 may be the hottest year in history. This is due to an el nino effect along with global warming.

Does the morning news ever scare you?

I began to wonder about the gravity that holds us all in place.

Does anyone know what the source of that gravity is?

On a program I saw they were talking about how all the planets and stars are moving away from each other.

There is talk about objects from outter space that can hit the earth and what that could do.

Well, my thought has to do about the possibility of whether the earth could spiral out of control and fly through space. No one talks about that.

All the planets and stars are held in place by an invisable force. Amazing isn't it? Love, Pollyanna
4 Comments
The "Knower" within....... Jan 4, 2007 6:28 am
Mood: beautiful, 435 Views
It's interesting that during our New Year Holiday the reality of death has been pushed out into our view.

The New Year is normally about the new baby of time. A childhood of sorts that will manifest itself in positive ways as we then approach the end of father time at another New Year. Thus representing the cycle of time.

It's a tough topic. At it's worst we know it as death.

I want to share a little of what I know about this. I am not a medically trained person. I'm more spiritual. I have been priviledged to be at the side of some who have "transitioned".

This is what I know. As a mother, I know the absolute thrill of the first flutter of life that occurs within a mother's womb at about 4 months.

The first time was so awesome to me. The first witness of real life inside of my life. It's a thrill that knows no description.

Also the following "death" to that season, when the newborn child leaves us through birth and we are able to touch and see our own little child.

We all take it so much for granted. Yet every birth is a miracle.

Fortunately we don't remember what it was like to be born. I know at the least we must have had a horrendous headache.

There is a "knower within". We all possess it. It is our true selves. I ask you to simply ask that knower within if it will die. What you will feel is the quiet steady warmth of intelligence that will confirm your everlasting life. It's right in there in you. Check it out.

We live forever. It doesn't matter what Country or ethnicity you may be from. Ask that question to your inner self and you will get the same answer.

At the side of those passing, there comes a brief moment when a disconnection from the physical body occurs. We are all a part of the "Great I Am".

People from all over the world instinctively know that those that pass on stop living in this physical realm, but go on. First Nation People know this. The Egyptian people prepared boats and maps and all necessary items for those "transitioning".

We have witnessed miracles here when our members have been very ill and asked for prayer. They are resident among us. But the truth is, there is a time for our birth and a time for our passing.

Do not turn your back on it in fear. Those of us who are retired, have the wonderful opportunity to pray and ask God to give us the knowledge that we each need so much in preparation for that time.

We are afraid because our body has a limited amount of intelligence. Our body knows that it's time will come to an end. But our eternal selves know without a doubt that we live.

"Eye has not seen, nor ear heard what God has waiting for those that love Him". Use your time to expand upon that love. All is well. Be of good cheer. Love, Pollyanna
5 Comments
It's funny and sad at the same time.... Jan 3, 2007 9:11 am
Mood: amused, 456 Views
The beautiful presentation for Ruth Emma Konop's life was utterly amazing.

People stood up and praised her as a person who truly loved others. She was a wonderful Mother and Grandmother.

She had many interests and participated in Community activities. It was wonderful to hear all the accolades about her life and who she really was to so many.

As each quality was shared, I was thinking, could they say that about me? No. Then the next and the next. I didn't really feel anyone could honestly say all those wonderful things about me.

I do not love children. I'm sorry, but they're wonderful to look at and enjoy for a few moments. Then I give them back to their parents.

I have helped hundreds of people in my work. I was excellent there and I know I had a comforting way for clients that were hurting. But when I was home I was a total recluse.

I have participated in Community events in minimal ways. But no way that anyone could speak too long about.

Nope I don't see any eulogy that would not turn into an embarassment for those speaking. So, I guess I can't die. Or at least not have a service.

In my own way I've been a wild unruly kind of woman. I've done things I would never share here, but enjoyed totally. I'm not the great lover of humanity on a grand scale.

It's funny and sad at the same time. Oh well, so it'll be a quick service (smiles), Love, Pollyanna
9 Comments
The Red Hat Ladies Funeral Jan 2, 2007 1:05 pm
Mood: beautiful, 497 Views
I made it through the Holidays without any real "triggers". Christmas was without a doubt Marshall's favorite day. We celebrated quietly. Then New Year's Day came on the scene and I got a message that one of our Red Hat Ladies had passed.

It made me crumple up like wet paper. No!!! NoNoNoNo!!!! This just could not be happening.

The two didn't go together. I joined the Red Hat Ladies to have some diversion and some fun, not this!!!

I just couldn't go. There was just no way. GeezLouise!!!

I haven't had a heart to heart chat with God in a while. I had some questions. I put on a "praise" tape and asked God why? Even when He gives us the desires of our hearts things happen. Crisis' develope, things you never foresaw happen.

I laid on my bed and the words started to come. "It is time for you to drop your garment of pain and suffering. It no longer serves you. It's time for you to put on your garment of strength which is what I have been preparing you for since the beginning".

I thought about that long and hard. Especially the part where He said, the garment of pain and suffering was no longer serving me.

I then realized that I am in fact a strong woman. It became so clear to me that that is why all the crises and trials had come. To make me strong. Not only for now, but for the life to come. I don't know that this is true for everyone, but it is true for me.

I called the Queen Mum and told her I would be at the funeral in my best Red Hat Ladies outfit. It would be an honor to celebrate a sister's transition into what follows this life.

I did a 360 degree turnaround.

There was a separate section for the Red Hat Ladies. We participated in the service by going up to the casket and placing individual red roses in a vase near her, and speaking a few words of love for her to her family.

The Red Hat Ladies come together for fun and sisterhood. We also come together as a united sisterhood to celebrate those that pass.

What a beautiful service it was with all those red hats and purple dresses. I felt a full sense of pride and honor to be there in that capacity.

I'm 63 and still learning. Love, Pollyanna
11 Comments
*******CONGRATULATIONS******** Jan 1, 2007 7:38 am
Mood: courageous, 449 Views
If you can read this this morning, Congratulations!!!

You made it through a year of many trials and tribulations plus some dreams and prayers come true.

What did you learn this past year. Are you stronger for it?

Love, Pollyanna
4 Comments
"The Runaway Bride" Dec 31, 2006 10:42 am
Mood: contemplative, 390 Views
As my son left me at the checkout counter, I saw the cashier look up at him with the most fleeting wistfulness of fire glittering in her eyes. For the briefest of seconds she allowed herself a fantasy. Then got back to business

I looked at her, a heavy middleaged woman with died black hair. She looked tired and pale. My heart went out to her. She wished me a Happy New year and I told her it would be, now that Christmas was behind us. She responded with,"now all I've got to do is figure out how to pay for all of it".

This morning I thought about that cashier and the reality that even fleeting fantasies are deliberately blind too. Since my sons have come back into my home. It's just one mess after another. I love them dearly, but especially the kitchen is in constant used condition.

This morning I watched. "Runaway Bride", with Julia Roberts and Richard Gear. She had tried to go down the aisle a number of times, but wound up running out of the church. It is supposed to be a comedy.

We women are saps. God and nature put this desire for physical and emotional love in us. Our hormones go wild when someone we're attracted to comes within range.

After the movie I took son #2 into the kitchen and showed him the mess. I told him that I was not going to be chief cook and bottle washer for anyone. I prefer to have someone come in and clean for ME. But the sons have to be followed daily. I could not afford to pay someone to come in as often as is currently required.

So that's the trade off. For male companionship, there is a lot of work required. They don't even realize there is a problem.

That's what women get. I don't know how men see it, but from a woman's point of view, it's a big dirty job. The romance and kissing and "honeymoon" time is very fleeting. It takes years for most couples to arrive at what is compatible for both, if their relationship lasts long enough.

I know today is New Year's Eve and it's normally a time to celebrate the new year. My desire is not to be negative, but to be real.

I think we need to know exactly what it is we want in our future and be true to ourselves.

I wish you all a wise and wonderful New Year. Love, Pollyanna
4 Comments
The pursuit of Happiness..... Dec 30, 2006 9:00 am
Mood: contemplative, 373 Views
I got a call from the "Queen Mum" of the Red Hat Ladies group I belong to. A member's daughter has just passed.

Last week it was my neighbor's husband and the husband of a friend of the family. Enough already!!!

I've been battling less than happy feelings. I'm really trying to reason myself through this. I think I'm discovering my own truths, which is what we each have to do.

I've thought about how much happiness I've had over the years. The brilliant kind is like a flash bulb in a camera. There's this big "pop" and then everything quiets down.

It's in the quiet times that the battle is fought.

The New Year represents an opportunity for change. Most of those proposed changes have to do with what we feel we need to be "happy".

I began to realize that we all set the bar too high. What is it going to take to "be happy"? A hot new relationship that just doesn't quit? That's not going to happen. If for no other reason people do have to stop and breathe. Winning the lottery? Programs on lottery winners show that the money usually causes more problems than solutions.

So being a little more reasonable, I've decided to accept being free of pain as the first requirement. Next being thankful for having all my needs met, which they are. Lastly to understand that life changes take years to adjust too. To understand that at a time when we find sameness comforting, we are challenged to deal with the changes that must come.

I find that focusing on spiritual things can lift me to a higher place when I need to go there.

My goal is to practice the "Serenity Prayer", find joy within myself and let the rest of the world move on. We are very blessed to be Americans. I hope this country and it's people will always know that and cherish it. Love, Pollyanna
5 Comments
Think about it....... Dec 29, 2006 9:44 am
Mood: amused, 380 Views
Don't freak out over the unexpected, and things only seem to work out, if they work out at all. Love, Pollyanna
2 Comments
It is insane isn't it? Dec 28, 2006 8:38 am
Mood: contemplative, 407 Views
I enjoy the History channel. They had a program on about "Dooms Day". Using the Christian Bible and the Mayan Calendar, it appears that predictions have been made for life as we know it to come to the end.

Yet I have to reflect on the fact that at 10 thousand feet up, in an air plane, you can't see any people. I couldn't even see regular houses.

Here on the ground it's natural to acknowledge that there are other people and big buildings. It's easy to see that there are good people and self serving people.

What I don't understand is how we really fit into the full scheme of things.

What and who really cares? People are starving to death in the Sudan and other areas of the world. Do God and nature really care? Why would these two great powers allow such human degradation.

I can't feel your feelings. I can only feel my own. The life cycle seems to have a beginning and an end. What happens in the middle involves the wise and the foolish. Feelings without knowledge is a dangerous thing.

My feelings have given me estacy, joy, laughter, love, and many happy days. My feelings have also given me dispair, torture, and grief.

It's said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different outcome. I want to rise above this. I want to see the truth. The truth is the basic instinct to survive is ruling everything, everywhere. Survival at all costs even to the point of destroying our world. It is insane isn't it?

I guess our feelings are how we know we're alive. The rest is happenstance......Pollyanna
5 Comments
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