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Are you out there??
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Sep 5, 2005 10:27 am
Mood: disappointed,
871 Views
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That person that I gave my e-mail address to.. that made me think you wanted to chat. Hmmm .. I read your blogs some I commented on. Talked to you in chat. What happened? Maybe I am wrong but I take this personal.. those couple e-mails and im's meant I had a new friend.. was this a test? If I was not the person you thought I was I am sorry... but .. don't ignore me..I have feelings, and you read my profile... I treasure my friends.. so this makes me feel like I have done something wrong. Sorry... venting here...lol.. and blogs are a way to vent .. right.....lol.
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9
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Does anyone go back???
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Sep 4, 2005 2:27 pm
Mood: cheerful,
865 Views
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I love to read blogs...I comment on many, but sometimes I am a while getting to them. It seems they move so fast...lol. I go back every time I am on here to see if anyone has left a comment on mine..does anyone else go back and do that. Or should we just comment on newer blogs??? Just wondering if anyone is seeing what I think..lol.
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9
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Dear Friends....
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Sep 3, 2005 3:45 pm
Mood: grateful,
749 Views
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Thursday morning while filling up with gas at my favorite station (Have traded there for 30 years)I recieved some shocking news... the former owner, and good friend of mine had passed on to a greater place. As close as our kids are, and I am to the family, I was so shocked to find out this way. So on my way home from work I stopped to pay my respects to the family. The actual service was to be Friday. As I walked in I my eyes made contact with one of his grandsons, Justin, he jumped up and was at my side hugging me before I could take a breath. He grew up to be such a handsome 25 year old. I remember the first time I saw him, his Grandad brought him in the pharmacy I worked in and set him on the counter..he reached out for me to hold him..I did..he stole my heart that moment. Anyway..there was a group hug by all the family members and my friends wife (Like a sister to me) has been ill but she was there and we hugged too. I looked around the room for only a second..I saw so many people I knew.. and was so surprised at how many people came and hugged me and told me they had missed me (I changed jobs) and wanted my phone number so they could keep in touch. I was so surprised!! My friends are well known in the area, born and raised here, so there were so many people there. I was only going to stay a minute as I was coming from work. I knew there would be a large crowd. Every step I took toward the door I got hugged and we exchanged short messages about where we were now. It took me 2 hours to get to the door..and probably at least a hundred hugs. I stepped outside and the overflow from inside was waiting for more hugs and words.. It was a sad time for me to lose someone I admired so much.. but it was also a heart warming experiance..I never realized so many people knew me or remembered me..and each seemed to have a little something to tell the others around that I had done for them..where did I find the time to do all I did..and why do I not even remember those things as being something that took extra effort..lol. But anyway..I went home from there tears streaming down my face..some from sadness of losing a good sweet friend..and some from seeing so many I have missed seeing.. and realizing to, that I am loved..(and hugged to the max..lol) My friend is in a better place..he is with our God..there is no more pain..but as he has done many times before.. even in his death he brought joy to me..Thank You God .. for all the good and kind in my life.
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3
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Life.. we accept it we move on ..the cousins
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Aug 30, 2005 9:56 pm
Mood: nostalgic,
832 Views
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I had some of those..I didn't see them much. My Mom's brother had 2 girls. They were so cute , older than me and cute as a bug in a rug. When I was at Grams they would come visit once in a while, but when I was at "Home" I never saw them, Mom didn't get along with the family. My Aunt Mimi had one daughter much younger than me and my one uncle had 2 boys. I never saw them except Thanksgiving. My 2 girl cousins were perfect!! Well at least the Family thought so. They were pretty.. I used to ask them how they got so pretty... they would laugh at me. But having girl cousins meant one thing for sure..hand-me-downs. I never had any real new clothes but lots of pretty hand me downs... to bad they were 2 sizes smaller than me. Daddy's sister had 2 girls too..they too were 2 sizes smaller than me. Once my aunt made me a skirt... it was soooo pretty.. she made it out of feed sacks, I loved it .. it was all mine. I wore it to school all proud, but kids are mean..and I got laughed at so hard. So I folded it up and put it away, only wore it to family things. I still can see it.. it was so pretty.When I was in my freshman year of High School my cousin gave me a beautiful black dress..I was so happy . I wore it to school feelin so wonderful, yea..you know my cousins were 2 sizes smaller..lol. The Dean called me to the office and blessed me out and stapled crape paper all around the bottom and I had to walk the halls of school like that. I died a little more that day Life was hard... oh well I moved on....#3 still to come...
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9
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Life we ...accept it.. we move on.... Page 2
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Aug 28, 2005 6:09 pm
Mood: confused,
809 Views
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At a very young age I found out I was not allowed to cry. Tears enraged my Mom. If I walked by her and she chose to slap me or kick me and I cried... it would make her get up and and drag me across the room and lock me in a closet or worse. I cried at night, after I knew it was safe, the stillness of the house meant I could close my eyes. Most nights I cried myself to sleep. I was never a sound sleeper. Fear is a strange bedfellow. When I was about 9 my mother announced she was pregnant. Little did I know the scorn of a pregnant woman was 3 fold of what it was normally. Daddy was so excited, this was to be his child. I didn't know he wasn't my Daddy. He never would have told me, I know he loved me. That meant less trips to Grams, I had more work to do at the house. One night I made a fatal mistake. I was in the corner.. actually coloring with my brother. It was kinda quiet, but I knew that could change at any moment. Mom came in cussin (she used all the multi-color words) and fussin.. I didn't put something up I was shaking I knew this was a big one. I remember my brother movin closer to me, he knew too. She snatched me up so fast I never knew what hit me. He didn't have time to move, she bloodied my nose... pulled out a handful of hair and slammed me down before "Bro" could get between us. THE FATAL MISTAKE.. I said I'm gonna tell my Daddy.. I never talked back to her in my life till that momment. She ranted and raved and cussed and told me... "Your Daddy... Your Daddy...you think he is your Daddy, your Daddy is a no good drunk!!!!" She could have killed me... it would not have hurt any more. I ran to hide, I was locked in my room when Daddy got home, he came in and I said the words I will hate myself for forever. He sat down on the edge of the bed looking so tired..and said tell Daddy what's wrong. I said "Leave me alone you aren't my Daddy". I hated the words the minute I said them. I was bruised, battered and 9. And now alone, remember I loved him. They fought all night that night... I never heard my Daddy raise his voice to my Mom before that night. So Guess I should stop here..... Page 3 to follow..
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7
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Life... we accept it .. and move on... Page 1
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Aug 28, 2005 1:37 am
Mood: nostalgic,
793 Views
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Today I was talking to a SFF friend and we got to chatting about our life and how we survived it. We agreed it was tough but we moved on and here we are today. She said I should blog it the good.. the bad and the ugly. I said alot of it was too sad...she said do it, so. I had 3 mothers, The one that left me in the hospital..and the 2 (Grandmother and Aunt) that came and got me. I was my grandmothers baby girl. She scrubbed floors and ironed and took in wash to take care of me. She spoke broken English and Lithuanian. But her best speech was that smile. She woke up with it and put me to bed with it. She was a short lady but stout. Everyday of my life she wore those flowerdy dresses with that crisp starched apron. My Aunt MiMi was a beauty. She was so sweet and gentle. Her name was Mary..I named her MiMi and it became her family name until she died about 10 years ago. They had me till I was about 5 then Daddy made Mom bring me home. My whole life changed that day. Gram cried..so did I. She (Mom)didn't want me, she let it be known, that was the beginning of my quest in life to just survive. I learned small dark spots can be comforting, and safe. And I also started Praying for my Mothers Love.. 56 years later.. still no luck. I have a brother 1 year younger than me. He has always been the light in my mom's eye..and for many years the sheild from my Mom's rage at me. People thought we were twins for many years, we look somuch alike, he stuck to me like glue when we got to preteen. Not long ago we talked about that.. but that is another blog. Every weekend when I got off the school bus Gram was there in a cab, everyone didn't have a car back then, I would go "home" to mend for the weekend. I spent almost all of the summer with Gram. When Dad's car would drive up I would cringe I loved him but I knew my fate with Mom..so I got tough and went. I know he loved me and I know he knew what she did to me..I just don't think he knew what to do about it. He was a good hard working man, and my Mom was his greatest Love. He was my Stepdad, but he was my Daddy, I loved him. I miss him still. So this is Page 1 of my srory.....
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10
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One word..
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Aug 26, 2005 10:26 pm
Mood: anxious,
790 Views
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I got this e-mail from a sff friend.. I liked it .. I sent it out to a my friends.. why not.. excited to see the answers.. I got none... So did anyone get my e-mail??? If not ..here it is!! if you were going to discribe me in ONE word... what would that word be.....?? Come on... PLEASE..answer...lol..lol 
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11
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"Find Me"
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Aug 21, 2005 12:48 am
Mood: mellow,
696 Views
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I was sitting here listening to some of my favorite music.. singin along and I realized the song I was singing could be my song..I want to share it.. It is "Find Me" by Darryl Worley. "I've looked high and low/ I've searched near and far/And after all this time/Still don't know where you are/I've done all I know to do/ So guy/girl, I guess it's up to you to.. Find me..Baby, I've been waiting..everyday I'm praying you'll find me..Lost in all this lonely..Longing for you only, baby, please find me. At least a thousand times/ I've seen you in my dreams/ Standing there alone/ Just barely out of reach/ But in the early morning light/I wake up again and cry... Find me..Baby, I've been waiting..Everyday I'm praying you'll find me..lost in all this lonely..Longing for you only. baby, please find me.. Find me..Baby, I've been waiting..Everyday I'm praying you'll find me..lost in all this lonely..Longing for you only,baby, please find ..meee
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3
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Into your life comes a ray of sunshine...What a Blessing.
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Aug 7, 2005 10:32 pm
Mood: thankful,
863 Views
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Have you ever met someone..a friend.. that just lights up your life?? Someone that makes you smile just by saying a few words..or shares a smile. I am so happy to say I have. We just had a Friendship Anniversary three years on Aug 8. I can't count the times this person has listened and gave me advice and those precious smiles and laughs. You have heard of "Undying Love" .. well this person gives me "Undying Friendship". Never has there been a cross word between us.. never a jealousy..never anything but wonderful friendship. I love this person with all my heart..simply because I am accepted as I am Redneck woman and all. And if you should by chance read this my friend.. God Blessed me with your courage and strength my friend. Thank you a million times over for sharing and caring. For bringing Love, Laughter and Joy in my heart. For being the one that sits back and and waits until I have time for you, and never complains.. just enjoys our friendship. You never judge..just find good in me and remind me I am good. Thank you for the most precious gift...Your Friendship....
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16
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Everlasting Love...
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Aug 5, 2005 6:28 pm
Mood: happy,
692 Views
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I read this... had to share... "Somewhere there waiteth in this world of ours...For one Lone Soul another Lonely Soul. Each choosing each through all the weary hours, and meeting strangely at one sudden goal. Then blend they, like green leaves with golden flowers, into one beautiful and perfect whole. And lifes long night is ended, and the way lies open onward to Eternal Day...."
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2
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To link to this blog (IAMWOMAN57) use [blog IAMWOMAN57] in your messages.
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