| Twenty Things to Remember |
May 18, 2007 4:24 pm
417 Views | TWENTY THINGS TO REMEMBER
1. Faith is the ability to not panic.
2. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you prayed,
don't worry.
3. As a child of God, prayer is kinda like calling home every day.
4. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
5. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.
6. Do the math. Count your blessings.
7 God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
8. Dear God: I have a problem. It's me.
9. Silence is often misinterpreted, but never
misquoted.
10. Laugh every day -- it's like inner jogging.
11. The most important things in your home are the people.
12. Growing old is inevitable, growing up is
optional.
13. There is no key to happiness. The door is
always open. Come on in.
14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.
15. He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
16. We do not remember days, but moments. Life moves too fast, so enjoy your precious moments.
17. Nothing is real to you until you experience it; otherwise it's just hearsay.
18. Its all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.
19. Surviving and living your life successfully
requires courage.
The goals and dreams you're seeking
require courage and risk-taking.
Learn from the turtle, it only
makes progress when it sticks out it's neck.
20. Be more concerned with your character than
your reputation. Your character is what you really are, while your reputation is... merely what others think you are.
No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting. Leave gentle fingerprints on the soul of another for the angels to read.
I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.
Good thoughts in this C&P. | |
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7 Comments | |
| God is like Television Commercials |
May 17, 2007 4:20 pm
358 Views | Thought this C&P was so true.....
God is like.....
Television commercials
A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them in some way to communicate ideas about God.
Here are some of the results: scroll down.
God is like.
BAYER ASPIRIN
He works miracles.
God is like.
a FORD
He's got a better idea.
God is like.
COKE
He's the real thing.
God is like.
HALLMARK CARDS
He cares enough to send His very best.
God is like.
TIDE
He gets the stains out that others leave behind.
God is like.
GENERAL ELECTRIC
He brings good things to life.
God is like.
SEARS
He has everything.
God is like.
ALKA-SELTZER
Try Him, you'll like Him
God is like.
SCOTCH TAPE
You can't see Him, but you know He's there.
God is like.
DELTA
He's ready when you are.
God is like.
ALLSTATE
You're in good hands with Him.
God is like.
VO-5 Hair Spray
He holds through all kinds of weather.
God is like.
DIAL SOAP
Aren't you glad you have Him? Don't you wish everybody did?
God is like.
the U.S. POST OFFICE
Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from His appointed destination.
God is like.
Chevrolet. . . .
the heart beat of America
God is like
Maxwell house. . .
Good to the very last drop
God is like.
Bounty. . . .
He is the quicker picker upper. . can handle the tough jobs. . .and He won't fall apart on you.
BLESSINGS FROM MY HOUSE TO YOUR HOUSE | |
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5 Comments | |
| Mighty Prayer Warriors......Help Please |
May 7, 2007 10:07 am
403 Views | Dear Friends,
I am feeling so sad. Last week, after the results of multiple MRI's, my daughter was diagnosed with MS (Multiple Sclerosis). She is only 39. It usually strikes between 20 and 40 years of age. I have spent the days since then researching about MS. Not a very good prognosis. In one way it is a relief to know why she has been feeling so punk, but it still scares the beegeebees out of both of us. She has an appointment with a Neurologist next week for an evaluation and prescribed course of treatment.
About 15 years ago she was in a serious accident that really messed up her spine from her neck to her tail bone. We were hoping a lot of the symptoms were coming from the accident. Her spine has continued to deteriorate and they won't know what they are going to do about that until she sees a Neurosurgeon also next week.
It has been very difficult to maintain an air of normalcy around her at this point. I have been trying to let her lead and talk about this when she is ready. It has thrown her for a loop. She was married many years ago, divorced, and has no children.
I am sure many of you have had this touch your life in some way. If you know of any experts in the field, I would appreciate you sharing. Right now it seems the places to be are Mayo and Cleveland Clinic.
Please add Liz and me to your prayer lists. Pray for Liz's healing and if that is not His will that He gives both of us the strength to carry on.
God is an awesome God...all things are possible through Him. I KNOW He will take care of us. I just pray it will be total healing. Guess that is selfish on my part, but I am just being a Mom. His will be done.
Barbe | |
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18 Comments | |
| Ramblings of a Madman c&p |
May 4, 2007 3:30 pm
323 Views | RAMBLINGS of a Madman
I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. Tomorrow Happens !
I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person's personality by the way he or she handles four things:
- a rainy day,
- the elderly,
- lost luggage, and
- tangled Christmas tree lights.
I've learned that happiness can not be weighed, counted, measured, or even bought or sold. Happiness just "is".
I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, they were probably excited when you arrived and everything you have ever since done has either added to or taken away-from that happiness. That is what being an elderly parent is all about.
I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life.."
I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. Just don't count on it.
and
I've learned that when a chance happens, if you don't take it, it may never return.
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands.
You need to be able to throw something back.
I've learned that to have Loved and Lost is better than to never have had a Love to Lose.
I've learned that most unhappiness doesn't get better with time, it just eventually appears less important.
I've learned that worldly success doesn't necessarily produce happiness, and vice versa.
I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you.
But if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.
I've learned that the person I hoped to be may never happen, but the person I am is with me right now. So accept it and learn to live with it. That alone will make you a better person.
I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.
I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.
People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
YOUR BIG PROBLEM TODAY !
If you think you have a big problem today,
THINK BACK exactly ONE year ago today.
You probably had a BIG problem then, too.
Can you recall exactly what it was ??
If not, where did it go ?
Today's problem will also be that problem one year from Today. | |
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0 Comments | |
| I Owe My Mother c&p |
May 3, 2007 6:06 pm
335 Views | 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTION ISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
And my favorite:
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you" | |
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1 comment | |
| No Nursing Home for me!!!!!!! |
Apr 30, 2007 3:14 pm
394 Views | Cut & Paste....but good
No Nursing Home for Me
About 2 years ago my wife and I were on a cruise
through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady.
I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told that she owned the line,but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.
As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises". She replied, "Yes, that's true." I stated, "I don't understand" and she replied, without a pause, "It's cheaper than a nursing home".
So, there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:
1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.
2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).
3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.
4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.
5 They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.
7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.
8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.
9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare; if you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go?
Princess will have a ship ready to go. So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.
PS And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge.
Would that it could be that simple....grin | |
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4 Comments | |
| Why we love children C&P |
Apr 29, 2007 5:08 pm
346 Views | 1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from
the back seat, "Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are
not necessarily those of his parents."
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her
struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's
hitting the bottle."
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a
little boy before?"
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my
uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued
writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask
the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well,
then," she said as she extended her foot toward me,"would you please tie my shoe?"
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking,
and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back
there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me
and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself
for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered,
"The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
 DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning. "
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small
box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal
of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate
prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought
his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn,
and into the hole he goooes." (I want this line used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write
and they won't let me talk!"
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old
leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I
found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With
astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's
underwear!" | |
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3 Comments | |
| How to start each day with a positive outlook C&P |
Apr 25, 2007 5:10 pm
381 Views | HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK
1. Open a new file in your computer.
2. Name it "Hillary Rodham Clinton"
3. Send it to the trash.
4. Empty the trash.
5. Your PC will ask you, "Do you really want to get rid of "Hillary Rodham Clinton?"
6. Firmly Click "Yes."
7. Feel better.
PS: Next week we'll do Nancy Pelosi | |
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3 Comments | |
| Warning! Puns Ahead! C&P |
Apr 25, 2007 4:53 pm
356 Views | GET READY ........... GET SET............. GO !!!!!!!!
* I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
* Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
* Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
* The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir cumference.
* To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
* When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
* The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
* A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
* A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
* Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
* When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U C L A.
* The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
* The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
* The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
* If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
* A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
* What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway)
* A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two-tired.
* Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
* A backward poet writes inverse.
* In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
* A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
* If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
* With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
* Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A -flat miner.
* When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
* The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
* A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , resulting in Linoleum Blownapart.
* You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
* He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
* A calendar's days are numbered.
* A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
* A boiled egg is hard to beat.
* He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
* A plateau is a high form of flattery.
* Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
* When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
* When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
* Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
* Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
* Acupuncture: a jab well done | |
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2 Comments | |
| Updated English |
Apr 21, 2007 8:48 pm
369 Views | Coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.
Flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
Abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly, adj. impotent.
Negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
Lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.
Balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.
Test/icle, n. a humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
Pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.
Oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.
Circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men. | |
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3 Comments | |
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