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THE ASTROMATES...Part Three. THE ARIES EXPERIENCE At last, it was Thursday and I met it with an air of great expectancy. Polished and pressed, I presented myself to my old friend and new boss, Alex. The office seemed to be in a worse state than before, with Alex sitting in his chair exactly as I’d left him. Perhaps the desk served as a bed at night, the paper a crumpled pillow. Alex eyed my polished appearance with some appreciation, even leaning over the top of the desk to eye my shiny shoes. Nodding approval, he reclaimed his seat, waving me down to sit opposite him. "How are you, old chap?" he queried. "As good as any bloke, about to get his oats." I replied. He grimaced at my coarseness. Alex had pretty high standards for an old con-man. "Some time soon, we’ll have to have a chat about etiquette," he said grandly, "But for now, we’ll just have to get on with the job in hand." To be honest; I was hoping some little lady would have my ‘Job’ in hand. Saying nothing, I drew myself up and placed the two books he had lent me in front of him. "What did you do, have your breakfast off them?" he asked, indicating the yellowing egg-stains. "Sorry about that, Alex, but I spent a lot of time reading those books. Very interesting stuff, very magical." Alex eyed me suspiciously, gauging my seriousness. My face was set in concrete. "Don’t forget, I’ll be paying for your time, so I hope you did put some time in." Bloody cheek! He hadn’t paid me a penny yet. I nearly said so but held my tongue, instead, I said. "I read every minute of every day." Alex tried to search beyond my inscrutability and failed. "Go on then, my boy, show me a bit of your magic." I smiled confidently, accepting his challenge. Taking a deep breath, I let rip. "Aries, ruled by Mars. Taurus, ruled by Venus. Gemini, ruled by Mercury. Cancer, ruled by Moon. Leo, ruled by Sun. Virgo, ruled by Mercury. Libra, ruled by Venus. Scorpio, ruled by Pluto. Sagittarius, ruled by Jupiter. Capricorn, ruled by Saturn. Aquarius, ruled by Uranus. Pisces, ruled by Neptune… There!" I finished, the breath wheezing out of me. Alex stood up to clap out his applause. "Great!" he cried. "Bravo!" Then he spoiled it by saying… "But remember, any can recite its two-times-table." Talk about putting a dampener on things! The grand-master put the books away in the drawer and pulled out a folder. "This." he said, tapping the folder. "Is your first Astromate. She’s an Aries, obviously. Thirty-two years old. Single. Her name’s Lilly Specs." "Lilly Specs? You’re kidding!" I exclaimed, trying to read the upside down writing. Alex turned the folder round so I could see the particulars for myself. "You’re sure it’s not a duff name? I’ve never heard of…" Alex pulled the folder back and snapped it shut. "Look," he said angrily, "I don’t care if her name’s bloody Lilly Savage as long as she pays the joining-up fee." "Yea… And it’ll be just my luck to get her, too. Got a photo?" "Nope." Alex’s blue eyes had a crackle in them. I must admit I liked to ruffle his feathers now and again. "Are you going to be serious about this?" "All ears, Alex, all ears!" "Right then." Mollified and wiping his eyes with a tissue, he continued… "Last night, I informed Miss Specs that you, Richard Kimble, would be meeting her at eight o’clock tonight at the Twilight Wine Bar in Blackheath. She will be carrying a recent copy of the ‘Prediction’ magazine. Now, have you got that?" "Clear as a bell, Alex. What will I be carrying?" Alex sighed in weary frustration. "It’s not a Cary Grant movie. You don’t need to carry anything. Just look for the lady who carries the magazine. Right?" "I’ve got it, Alex." "You’ve got to use your imagination when dealing with these ladies, dear boy. These ladies are all hand-picked, all in a similar age-bracket, mostly divorced or separated." Except for Lilly Specs, I thought. "What Sun-Sign am I supposed to be? I’ve got to have some kind of details under my belt." "I was just about to tell you that, once you were prepared to listen. For your date with Lilly Specs, you will have to be a Sagittarian and…" "But I’m not!” I stopped, Alex’s stern glare cutting me short. "I know you’re not a bloody Sagittarian! It doesn’t matter what flaming Sun-Sign you really are! For the purpose of this date, you’re a Sagittarian and that’s final." Alex finalised. "But I’m a Libran." I muttered. Saying I was another Sun-Sign was like… Well, like being taken away from your mother’s breast at birth, or having someone steal your psychological identity. "I appreciate your concern, your deeper feelings, old chum, but you do have to remember you have to be ideally suited to the lady’s Birth-Chart. She’s an Aries and you’re a Sagittarian, both Fire-Signs… Right?" Alex could see I was still concerned about losing my birthright. He became stern. "Look, all you have to do is steer any conversation away from Astrology. Let her do the thinking and talking, just try to look intelligent." I nodded glumly. I had been reprimanded by the headmaster. "You silly chump-pot," said Alex on a lighter note, "Just remember the ‘Jollybags’" Remember them! I had three assorted packets tucked away in the inside pocket of my jacket. Well, two and two-thirds actually. I had tested one of them for size, (The one with the spiky teat.), and my hand had got carried away! Still, I patted my pocket for luck. Alex looked at his watch, concluding there was still plenty of time to give me some further instruction before the ‘Off’. "Right," he said, "Shall we discuss the basic nature of the Aries female before you leave?" Why ask me? I mean, he’s the one with the intellect, the Astrological savvy. I shrugged. "It’s best you go prepared." he assured me. "Like a boy-scout." I replied. "Aries," he began, "Is known as the Ram…" "I know! I know!" I interjected, holding my hand up like a naughty schoolboy. "It’s because Aries always has the horn!" "As I said, Aries is known as the Ram." continued Alex, overriding me, eyes warning against another outburst. "We get the words ‘Rambunctious’ and ‘Ram-Raid’ from the actions of the Arian behaviour, to go in head-first, without being aware of the consequences. You’ll often see this Martian action when first coming into contact with the male, butting in and being the ‘Action-Man’. But the female of the species is so much softer than her male counterpart. One may consider her to be the ‘Lamb’, the lady who may simply make sheep’s eyes at a male rather than get stuck right in." "So she’s not out to fleece anyone?" Alex groaned at my little quip before carrying on. "But you must still be aware of the mettle inside the sheep's clothing, the fiery nature and will of iron. Do not be misled by her apparent easy-going nature on your first meeting, otherwise you may well get led by the lamb, not to the slaughter but up to the Altar!" Oh, my God! Alex had made a little pun. I smiled in acknowledgement. "The Aries maiden can be accident-prone at times; she acts on impulse and likes to get things done as soon as possible. Never one to hang about, there are times when she needs someone behind her to clear up the mess. She’s always on the go, plenty of energy to burn, you see." I had to stop his lecture somehow. These office chairs were not made for easy sitting. I decided on flippancy. "Supposing this Lilly Specs is the Black Sheep of the family?" I asked. "Be serious, old bean", said Alex, wearily shaking his head before saying… "One more thing I feel I ought to mention." I begged him, in my mind, not to mention anything else but, being no mind-reader, he carried on… "You might find your date somewhat undecided as to whether she’ll stay or not. It’s often the case with all the horned animals of the Zodiac, Aries the Ram, Taurus the Bull and Capricorn the Goat. They tend to be caught on the ‘Horns of a Dilemma’. They might well jump off on mind-changing tracks. So be aware of such changes." "Supposing Lilly Specs asks me what I work at?" I asked, changing the subject. I’d had enough of Rams, Goats and Bullocks by now. I needed to be off! "I can’t very well say I’m on the dole, can I?" "But you are working, old chap. You’re working for me. Tell anyone who asks, you’re a researcher. That’s it, a freelance researcher, its true enough, isn’t it?" I quite liked the idea of me being a freelance researcher, it sounded really professional. "Do I use my real name, or what?" "Bloody hell! You’ll be giving them your real address next. No, you do not give them your real name. Remember… Your name is Richard Kimble!" "And cash?" I held out my hand. Alex took out a tired-looking wallet and turned his back before coming round with two ten-pound notes. "Is that all?" I said. "When’s the last time you took a bird out?" "That’s all I can afford." said Alex, peering into the wallet before stuffing it back into his pocket. I nestled the notes next to the ‘Jollybags’. Still, I thought, it was better than a kick up the jacksy. With a bit of luck, it might only take a couple of glasses before bedtime! "What’s the name of the place again?" "Here." Alex handed me a piece of paper. "I’ve written it down so you don’t forget." I read the note… "Lilly Specs. The Twilight Bar, Blackheath. Eight o’clock. Prediction magazine…" Alex heaved his trusty old typewriter onto the desk, scattering paper everywhere and began dab-dabbing with one finger. "Don’t forget," he said over the noise, "I’ll want a full report on the date as soon as pos." "I won’t forget, Alex. I’ll even throw in the dirty bits for free." I left him dab-dabbing as I hit the street. She sat alone in the third booth down, an untouched glass of wine beside the Prediction magazine. Slight and demure, she had close-cropped red hair and wore steel-rimmed glasses. Looking up as I approached, her eyes widened in expectation. "Lilly Specs?" She nodded, half rising. Do I kiss her? Grab hold of her? Was it fear in her eyes, that I might do just that? Meekly, I introduced myself, allowing her hand to rest in mine for the merest of time. "I’m Richard Kimble." I said. "Sorry I’m late." Actually, I wasn’t late, some minutes early in fact. She smiled, a slight wistful smile, as she began to toy with her glass. I sensed some disappointment in her manner, as if she had expected someone or something different. She flushed, staring down at her drink, perhaps sensing I had read her thoughts. "Can I get you a glass of wine?" She shook her head, pointing to the full glass in front of her. Excusing myself, I made my way to the bar, ordered a glass of the house wine and returned to the table. I was aware she watched as I came, her eyes roving up and down until I sat opposite. I smiled and was rewarded with a weak smile before her eyes went back to her glass. God, I thought, this is going to be hard work. "I’m sorry I was so late." I said again, trying to open up the conversation. Who said Aries was first to make moves? Well Lilly Specs didn’t seem to be that enthusiastic or willing to make any movement at all. "I’m sorry, it’s my fault." she said suddenly. "I hate being late for anything. It’s a habit of mine." The blue eyes behind the glasses appealed earnestly while she reached over and lightly touched my hand in a reassuring way. My heart leapt, our first real touch! She smiled again in that coy way before removing her hand. My brain whirled. Patting my jacket pocket, I let loose my first boyish grin. (Well I call it boyish!) the ‘Jollybags’ ready for action. The wine tasted sour, acidic. I was a beer-drinking man, an ex-lager-lout. I always thought these wine bars, which had sprung up from the roots of snobbery, would be the ruin of us all. I finished my drink in two swift gulps, souring my face in a twisted grimace. "You’re supposed to sip wine." said Lilly, rather primly. "Yes. Sorry. I’m more used to drinking beer." She nodded. "Yes, you seem like a beer-drinker to me." Was it disapproval in her voice? Or was she quietly sending me up? "I’m not used to meeting people like this." she said, after a while, giving me a sheepish look. "Me neither. To be honest, I’ve never joined a dating agency before. Not that I was desperate." Lilly nodded her head in quick agreement. Evidently, it seemed, neither of us had been that desperate. |
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I guess I'll have to wait until tomorrow for the next installment 
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I have a sneaky feeling the jollybags will remain unopened. Lily sounds like a very serious type of gal. But on the other hand, she could be well you know Ron, very funny read, roll on tomorrow  
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Oh, I forgot that part, not paying attention in class again. I never heard them called that either, good name though. Looks like Richard could be in with a chance so 
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