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shuel2002 65F
5087 posts
3/31/2016 3:17 pm
TIS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THAN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL - TRUE OR FALSE?

I know the expression, but is it true? I just read an interesting debate about that. Both sides have merits. One can argue that adversity makes one stronger along with other compelling arguments. The other side is that if you really love someone and lose them, you can never be the same. Loss can take many forms. I am not referring to death necessarily. It can mean a breakup. Based on your experience and point of view, what do you think?

I always try to answer my own questions, to be fair. When my first boyfriend and I were through after 7 years together, I went through a long period of not wanting to start over with someone new. The pain was too great. However, I do love my current boyfriend and if I didn't let love in, I would not have met him. Therefore, I do believe "Tis Better To Have Loved And Lost Than Never To Have Loved At All".






Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
3/31/2016 8:31 pm

    Quoting  :

It is true that you can't miss it, but sad that you never experienced it. Thanks for your comment, Knxldy.

Elaine Shuel


spiritwoman45

3/31/2016 8:35 pm

I knew from the beginning that I would likely lose my husband becasue he was older than me. This was an issue I weighed when things got serious between us. I decided that I would go for it becasue no amount of loss can take away what I had. He has been gone 12 years and although I have had relationships since I doubt that I will ever love the same again. I figure I was very lucky to have found it once and that took me 40 years. However, just because I am unlikely to have the same level of a love relationship that does not mean that there aren't other possibilities to be explored.

Spiritwoman ^i^


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
3/31/2016 8:50 pm

    Quoting spiritwoman45:
    I knew from the beginning that I would likely lose my husband becasue he was older than me. This was an issue I weighed when things got serious between us. I decided that I would go for it becasue no amount of loss can take away what I had. He has been gone 12 years and although I have had relationships since I doubt that I will ever love the same again. I figure I was very lucky to have found it once and that took me 40 years. However, just because I am unlikely to have the same level of a love relationship that does not mean that there aren't other possibilities to be explored.
Clearly you feel the same as I do, that it is better to have loved and lost. It sounds like you really had something special, Spirit. Keep exploring those other possibilities. Thanks for your comment.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
3/31/2016 8:51 pm

    Quoting  :

Thank Hiram. Sounds like a good song.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
3/31/2016 10:19 pm

    Quoting  :

That's wonderful, BOb. . Happy Anniversary.

Elaine Shuel


hermitinthecity 70M
1691 posts
4/1/2016 3:10 am

I dont know, it's like choosing your poison. We all long for love, many find it momentarily and then it blows up in their face. Those who really find it are blessed, but are probably in a very small minority. Interesting to know that stats if there are any.

Judgment Day will be interesting - and all paths lead there.


bijou624

4/1/2016 3:39 am

Hi Elaine: In a failed relationship I think the level of pain a person feels is according to who broke up with whom. The one who broke off the relationship might not feel any pain or loss at all, but for the other person it might be devastating. I think the key to recovering is to move on quickly, and not to sit at home and wait until you're over the person before looking for another relationship. I wish I had done it that way.


Abelle2 83F
31203 posts
4/1/2016 5:18 am

Most of us have loved and lost in one form or the other.

The hurt lessens or mostly goes away and we move on.


Hawkslayer 88M
13288 posts
4/1/2016 5:23 am

Love isn't something you experience once in your life, there are many differing forms of love, we should enjoy them all.

Alfie...


It only takes a drop of ink to make a million people think. There are many stories.


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/1/2016 11:45 am

    Quoting  :

I think that as we get older, we learn more about ourselves and what we need and love in someone else. I think we never really stop loving someone we loved. There is a part of our heart reserved for them. A wise man, my boyfriend, told me that and I agree. Thanks for your comment, Lulu.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/1/2016 11:47 am

    Quoting Bumpkin2013:
    Better to have loved, even if you lose.
I agree, Bumpkin. I will admit that when my first boyfriend and I broke up, it took me a long time to feel that way. I was hurting too much. Thanks for your comment.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/1/2016 11:49 am

    Quoting  :

Sorry I didn't mean you either. I just meant for those that don't miss what they never had, it's sad they never experienced love. Thanks Knxldy.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/1/2016 11:53 am

    Quoting hermitinthecity:
    I dont know, it's like choosing your poison. We all long for love, many find it momentarily and then it blows up in their face. Those who really find it are blessed, but are probably in a very small minority. Interesting to know that stats if there are any.
I don't know the stats, but based on the responses here, it seems to be that most find the saying true. True love is hard to find but those of us that have it or had it, know it is worth everything to experience it. Thanks for your comment, Hermit.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/1/2016 11:56 am

    Quoting bijou624:
    Hi Elaine: In a failed relationship I think the level of pain a person feels is according to who broke up with whom. The one who broke off the relationship might not feel any pain or loss at all, but for the other person it might be devastating. I think the key to recovering is to move on quickly, and not to sit at home and wait until you're over the person before looking for another relationship. I wish I had done it that way.
When one is in pain, it is hard to get motivated to try a new relationship. Of course, you are correct that it is the easiest way to get over a failed relationship. I don't agree about who breaks off with whom necessarily making all the difference. If one sees it isn't working and breaks off, it could still be very painful to the person doing the breaking off. Thanks for your comment, bijou.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/1/2016 11:57 am

    Quoting  :

Cute way of putting that, dakota. Thanks for your comment.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/1/2016 11:58 am

    Quoting Abelle2:
    Most of us have loved and lost in one form or the other.

    The hurt lessens or mostly goes away and we move on.
Most people do but some never recover. Thanks for your comment, Ann.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/1/2016 11:59 am

    Quoting Hawkslayer:
    Love isn't something you experience once in your life, there are many differing forms of love, we should enjoy them all.

    Alfie...
Yes we should. Alfie. Thanks.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/1/2016 12:18 pm

    Quoting PraizeHim8:
    Everyone Needs To Experience Love - Daniel I Waited 54 Yrs For But I'd Loved Before him - But Nothing Like What He And I Have
I am glad you found Dan and that he seems to be the love of your life. I have that with my current boyfriend. It's worth the wait. Thanks Diane.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/1/2016 12:20 pm

    Quoting  :

I hope so too, Puzzles. Sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime kind of love.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/1/2016 12:22 pm

    Quoting  :

Your feelings are normal. The fear of again losing someone you love, can be quite strong. I am glad that you took the plunge or you wouldn't be having the happiness you both deserve. Thanks for your heartwarming comment, Pat.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/1/2016 12:23 pm

    Quoting  :

Joe is wise like you, Pat. Our experiences, both good and bad, makes us what we are today.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/1/2016 12:25 pm

    Quoting LeafRelief:
    Hurt, hurts. I don't think there's a positive way to spin hurt philosophically. I would never, ever, try to minimize someone's loss in life, regardless of what it is. Even the BALD guy, whose loss was massive.
Yes hurt does hurt, but what we learn from it can hopefully makes things turn out better in the long run. Leaf. Thanks for your comment.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/1/2016 12:26 pm

    Quoting  :

You certainly do, akamatt. Good memories are cherished memories. Thanks for your response to my post.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/1/2016 12:27 pm

    Quoting  :

I take it you mean that it is false. It is not better to love and lost than never to have loved at all? Thanks for your comment,_JKH54.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/1/2016 3:45 pm

    Quoting  :

Thanks for your comment, JustAFewAgn. I like that one too.

Elaine Shuel


Shartaun03 81F
6159 posts
4/1/2016 8:02 pm

I totally agree with that statement. I had that feeling many years ago and even though it didn't work out I don't regret what we had at the time. If you have it hang onto it.


Maudie1 74F
8151 posts
4/2/2016 5:12 am

I agree with that statement too. I have been pretty lucky in love, so I count my blessings daily


Rocketship 79F
18518 posts
4/2/2016 2:34 pm

I agree with the statement.

Meeting Eric, my second husband, was a life changing period in my life. Even as his life was ending, he was encouraging me to move forward with enthusiasm and joy.


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/2/2016 6:31 pm

    Quoting Shartaun03:
    I totally agree with that statement. I had that feeling many years ago and even though it didn't work out I don't regret what we had at the time. If you have it hang onto it.
Thanks for your comment, Shartaun03. I feel the same about my first love. I don't regret it either. There were many fond memories.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/2/2016 6:32 pm

    Quoting Maudie1:
    I agree with that statement too. I have been pretty lucky in love, so I count my blessings daily
That's great, Maura. I am glad you've been lucky in love. Thanks for participating in my post.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/2/2016 6:34 pm

    Quoting Rocketship:
    I agree with the statement.

    Meeting Eric, my second husband, was a life changing period in my life. Even as his life was ending, he was encouraging me to move forward with enthusiasm and joy.

Sounds like Eric was quite a guy, Rocket. You were lucky to have experienced such a great love. Thanks for your comment.

Elaine Shuel


Nileyears 71F
4206 posts
4/21/2016 6:56 pm

Hi Elaine, long time no see!!

Love is an awesome powerful feeling, but when you feel it so deeply and lose someone you love, (thinking you are going to spend your whole life with that someone) the wound runs deeply!

Having been down that road, I chose to give up on finding anyone else. So yes, it is better than, then not!


Maudie1 74F
8151 posts
4/24/2016 6:42 am

So sorry to see this sad news, Gaye. Sending my heartfelt condolences to you at this sad time; I remember well your love story, and subsequent marriage.


jiminycricket1 73M
13732 posts
4/24/2016 1:01 pm

We certainly differ in opinions about love.

Once you love....you can not lose!

You can only try to justify, and love doesn't need justification.


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/26/2016 6:49 pm

    Quoting  :

I can't say I blame you for the way you feel, given what you wrote. Thanks Tx.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/26/2016 6:50 pm

    Quoting Nileyears:
    Hi Elaine, long time no see!!

    Love is an awesome powerful feeling, but when you feel it so deeply and lose someone you love, (thinking you are going to spend your whole life with that someone) the wound runs deeply!

    Having been down that road, I chose to give up on finding anyone else. So yes, it is better than, then not!
Hi Rae. Always great to see you here. It does hurt deeply to lose someone you truly loved. Thanks for your comment.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/26/2016 6:54 pm

    Quoting  :

I am so sorry for your loss, Gaye. You truly had a great love story. His spirit lives on in you. Thanks so much for sharing with us. You are a strong woman.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/26/2016 6:57 pm

    Quoting  :

I am not happy for the reason you posted but it is so nice to meet you. Maura is one of my favorite people and you are one lucky man. Welcome to my blog.

Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
4/26/2016 7:03 pm

    Quoting jiminycricket1:
    We certainly differ in opinions about love.

    Once you love....you can not lose!

    You can only try to justify, and love doesn't need justification.
Jiminy, we definitely do see things differently but that's fine. What you wrote reminds me of what was said in the movie "Love Story". "Love means never having to say you're sorry. " I totally disagree with that statement too. Thanks for your comment.

Elaine Shuel