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FIRST IMPRESSIONS CAN BE WRONG It has been a very interesting time on SFF. There are people that turned out very different than I expected. Some I thought were intimidating and didn't like me, turned out to be the nicest people I've met. Unfortunately, the opposite is possible as well. Someone I thought of as wonderful, turned out to be anything but. Then there are those like Nileyears (Rae). She seemed great on the blog and she is great for real.  The point I am making is first impressions can often be wrong. Have you found that to be the case?Elaine Shuel |
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Yes, most of us have had those types of experiences....some good, some bad. Hugsssss.......
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Yes, that definitely happens. Elaine Shuel
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Yes, most of us have had those types of experiences....some good, some bad. Hugsssss.......  Elaine Shuel
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Thanks Helen. Very true. I think that in blogland, it's harder to tell. I thought that when you read someone's blog, you can see what a person is really like, and that's true in some cases but not all. Also, in many cases, I haven't gotten to know the bloggers past the blogs so I really have no idea if my impression is correct. Elaine Shuel
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I have had some great friends I never met in person. I think when you chat one-to-one you can find out how someone is really nice, even if you didn't realize it before. I don't want to name any names, but those I had the wrong impression about, but now know how sweet they are, know who I mean, Ya_Ya. Elaine Shuel
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That's a terrific comment, LakeWalker.  It's hard because people only show their best sides to others in most cases. There are exceptions of course.On a blog it's even harder to get the right impression because we feel like we know someone based on the stories they've shared on their blogs. We root for them and when something bad happens, we take their sides in a dispute they have with others. We assume they are in the right and perhaps they are, but the reality is, they might not be. We only heard their side of the conflict. Elaine Shuel
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Interesting comment, Liszt. Thank you. I agree with what you wrote. Elaine Shuel
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That would really hurt. Thanks for the warning, Maggie. Elaine Shuel
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Well, that was really sweet of you to say that about me Elaine, thank you! It's tough trying to figure what a person is all about, but wait long enough, and their true colors will come through. I've clicked with maybe 4 people since I have been here, counting you, others, not so much. Not saying I don't like the ones I didn't click with, just saying I doubt we would have anything to talk about if we met face to face, maybe just a friendly hello and ttyl. Call it intuition, I just know!
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Well, that was really sweet of you to say that about me Elaine, thank you! It's tough trying to figure what a person is all about, but wait long enough, and their true colors will come through. I've clicked with maybe 4 people since I have been here, counting you, others, not so much. Not saying I don't like the ones I didn't click with, just saying I doubt we would have anything to talk about if we met face to face, maybe just a friendly hello and ttyl. Call it intuition, I just know! You may be right, but I think that some people would really surprise you in a good way, like what I've experienced. Be forewarned that the opposite can also be true, as with my recent bad situation. You never know which way it will turn out. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.Elaine Shuel
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I agree with you, Maisie. It's best to take awhile to form an opinion on a person. That said, like what happened to me, it still might be the wrong impression that got formed, based on what they put on this blog. Thanks for your comment. Elaine Shuel
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6/9/2015 10:44 pm |
I'm not a good judge of people, especially people in these internet groups Elaine. After all, the only things we have to go on are their pic, their opinions on certain topics, and their ability to write. For example, two women in the blogs formed what seemed to be a close friendship and even shared a room at a bash. Then they had a disagreement or fight at the bash, and when the bash was over we in the blogs never heard the end of it, but of course most of us knew that what was being written was just one of the women's side of the store. The insults and jokes went on and on though, then finally one of the women who was being insulted gave up and left the blogs altogether. She's back now, but how can we ever trust an internet friendship again after that fiasco. Anything personal you say or do can be used against you in the blogs.
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6/10/2015 3:46 am |
Lisztie, not many people here share anything personal about their lives any more, but what a shame that is. Years ago we all wrote about our real lives, and the blogs were so much better then. I think a few mean people here actually keep files on all of us hoping to catch us in some embarrassing situation and blog about what a liar or horrible person we are.
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I think the subject matter used by some bloggers gives one a general idea of the type of person they really are. I try to avoid those whose blogs and comments are generally of an aggressive nature, and I've found that doing that serves me well. I have met (in person) some wonderful SFF people by following that rule. Alfie...
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One of my years-long SFF penpals, of whom I as very fond, had been having serious financial problems. He outright asked me to send him a couple of " bills." I did not understand what he had meant--$2.00??? How could that help? I turned him down, and he immediately defriended me. Later, I learned that 'bill' can be slang for $100. Even after a such a long duration, I didn't know him well at all. Yes, you're right Elaine. We have to be very careful.
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6/10/2015 9:27 am |
Maisie, I admire anyone who can be a manager and have people answer to you. I just can't picture you being a greeter or chicken fryer. lol I'm a retired Law Clerk and once the lawyer called me in and told me I was being promoted to Manager of the law firm with a big raise. I had several female staff under me and found I just didn't have the people skills to tell people what to do or to make them do it. I think I was the worst Manager in history. After about a week I asked for my old job back.
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I'm not a good judge of people, especially people in these internet groups Elaine. After all, the only things we have to go on are their pic, their opinions on certain topics, and their ability to write. For example, two women in the blogs formed what seemed to be a close friendship and even shared a room at a bash. Then they had a disagreement or fight at the bash, and when the bash was over we in the blogs never heard the end of it, but of course most of us knew that what was being written was just one of the women's side of the store. The insults and jokes went on and on though, then finally one of the women who was being insulted gave up and left the blogs altogether. She's back now, but how can we ever trust an internet friendship again after that fiasco. Anything personal you say or do can be used against you in the blogs. Elaine Shuel
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Lisztie, not many people here share anything personal about their lives any more, but what a shame that is. Years ago we all wrote about our real lives, and the blogs were so much better then. I think a few mean people here actually keep files on all of us hoping to catch us in some embarrassing situation and blog about what a liar or horrible person we are. Elaine Shuel
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Thanks for those kind words, Dianne. I guess we get a sense of someone's personality from these blogs. It's hard to find out that they could be inaccurate. Elaine Shuel
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I think the subject matter used by some bloggers gives one a general idea of the type of person they really are. I try to avoid those whose blogs and comments are generally of an aggressive nature, and I've found that doing that serves me well. I have met (in person) some wonderful SFF people by following that rule. Alfie... Elaine Shuel
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One of my years-long SFF penpals, of whom I as very fond, had been having serious financial problems. He outright asked me to send him a couple of " bills." I did not understand what he had meant--$2.00??? How could that help? I turned him down, and he immediately defriended me. Later, I learned that 'bill' can be slang for $100. Even after a such a long duration, I didn't know him well at all. Yes, you're right Elaine. We have to be very careful. Elaine Shuel
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Yes, it's true. That's why I don't like to judge a person for the first impression.  Trust in dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.(Khalil Gibran)
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Yes, it's true. That's why I don't like to judge a person for the first impression. Elaine Shuel
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That's pathetic really. Elaine Shuel
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I didn't mean that it was the same person, boogie. Sorry if that's the impression I gave. I meant the experience I had with the person that taught me that first impressions can be wrong. Elaine Shuel
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6/11/2015 6:45 am |
I find that my first impressions are generally accurate. But I would qualify that with the statement that what we reveal here is an incomplete picture of what we are like. One's behaviour in cyberspace is different from what happens in face to face encounters. We are much more likely to be honest in expressing opinion here since there is no blowback. What people far removed think of me is of little concern, and that affects my behaviour.
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6/11/2015 7:01 am |
Hi Boogie: It sounds like you remember the incident I'm talking about. That was brutal all the insults that poor woman had to endure and it went on for months. Makes me afraid to ever go to a bash or meet anyone in person.
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I find that my first impressions are generally accurate. But I would qualify that with the statement that what we reveal here is an incomplete picture of what we are like. One's behaviour in cyberspace is different from what happens in face to face encounters. We are much more likely to be honest in expressing opinion here since there is no blowback. What people far removed think of me is of little concern, and that affects my behaviour. Thanks very much. I definitely agree that on the internet, we don't get a complete picture of what people are really like. You choose to be very honest since you won't be seeing any of the members in person. There are people I've met over the years on the internet, that are quite dishonest in what they project on cyberspace, for the same reason you choose to be honest. They can get away with lying since they won't be meeting any of the individuals they lied to.Elaine Shuel
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All the fighting was over a man? Elaine Shuel
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6/12/2015 6:14 am |
I had a good example of cyber vs f2f behaviour some years ago. There was a guy from Edmonton who was active in the same Usenet group as I. He was a real jerk, and pretty much everyone else disliked him intensely. He insulted all and sundry for no good reason, as do some in SFF. I was curious about him, so I invited him to lunch. He was still a jerk, but considerable toned down.
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I had a good example of cyber vs f2f behaviour some years ago. There was a guy from Edmonton who was active in the same Usenet group as I. He was a real jerk, and pretty much everyone else disliked him intensely. He insulted all and sundry for no good reason, as do some in SFF. I was curious about him, so I invited him to lunch. He was still a jerk, but considerable toned down. . I do get your point. Thanks Rentier1.Elaine Shuel
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That is so very true. I experienced the same thing here. I remember encouraging you to blog here when you first arrived. I was so hopeful. Let me just say you are an amazing blogger and I'm so glad you have stuck around. Thanks for the very interesting contributions! I remember your encouragement too. You have always been very nice to me and I appreciate it. Elaine Shuel
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