Close Please enter your Username and Password
Reset Password
If you've forgotten your password, you can enter your email address below. An email will then be sent with a link to set up a new password.
Cancel
Reset Link Sent
Password reset link sent to
Check your email and enter the confirmation code:
Don't see the email?
  • Resend Confirmation Link
  • Start Over
Close
If you have any questions, please contact Customer Service
Blogs > shuel2002 > Speak Your Mind


shuel2002 65F
5104 posts
5/25/2015 11:06 pm
WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER CHEATING?
I just had a discussion with a friend. He and I have a difference of opinion. If a woman has sex with a guy while her husband watches, by choice, is she cheating on him? I say that it's hard to consider someone is cheating when their partner is fine with it and even turned on by it. Such a husband is called a cuckold, by the way.

If your significant other has chats with others of the opposite sex on the internet, intimate chats, is that cheating? I have to admit that would bother me. My boyfriend doesn't care because he believes only in person matters. What do you think?







Elaine Shuel
hermitinthecity 70M
1696 posts
5/26/2015 2:50 am

 If someone wants more than one partner, why marry? I've heard the term polyamorous thrown around lately. Just another 'lighter' word to sound sophisticated but just describes an unfaithful 'B' (either gender, add your own ending) with an excuse to sleep around.
Judgment Day will be interesting - and all paths lead there.


spiritwoman45

5/26/2015 9:05 am

 If either of the parties involved sees something as cheating there is an issue that needs to be addressed. It may or may not be "the act" in question. If everyone involved is ok with what goes on it is not for anyone else to label the activity. Sex is blown way out of portion because our culture makes a big deal out of it. The same mechanisms are at work if any deception is involved and are just as symptomatic of individual or relationship issues.
Spiritwoman ^i^


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
5/26/2015 10:50 am
    Quoting hermitinthecity:
    If someone wants more than one partner, why marry? I've heard the term polyamorous thrown around lately. Just another 'lighter' word to sound sophisticated but just describes an unfaithful 'B' (either gender, add your own ending) with an excuse to sleep around.
On a personal basis, I agree Hermit. However, there are couples out there that have open relationships. I had a client that loved that his wife, a real estate agent, often had sex with her clients to close a deal. He would wait for her to come home and tell him all the details, which inevitably led to sex for the married couple. Different strokes for different folks. It enriched their marriage. Thanks for your comment.
Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
5/26/2015 10:52 am
    Quoting  :
40 years happily married is great, Dianne. I'm glad you're enjoying reading the comments on this post. Have a great week!
Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
5/26/2015 10:59 am
    Quoting LeafTreat:
    I'll wade into this subject knowing that I'm going to get blistering attacks, either publically on this blog or they'll be talking behind my back. I've grown to expect this from the bald guy who never escapes the pigeon flying overhead.

    First, many people will draw on their own experience to tilt this issue one way or the other. I'm no different, but I'm going to tilt this is ways others might not. Controlling people simply do not comprehend the damage they do in relationships and the horrible ways that their control betrays God. They not only steal from society the spiritual gifts they themselves have, but their control amounts to nothing less than a torment in the life of the victims of that control. It is paramount to nurture one's own self-esteem and to nurture that of the person someone falls in love with. In my view, this nurturing has to have cognizant attention to the reasons for the nurturing in the first place. Only then can one structure nurturing accordingly, and the details of that are equally diverse too. This is the first real problem in relationships, finding the degree of nurturing actually required. For example, teaching a spouse to drive can be easy in one relationship and impossible in another, BUT, this high impact task presents countess opportunities along with a lifetime of risk. This is a good example to use because many components of a relationship requiring nurturing can take on similar properties.

    From the nurturing foundation evolves personhood, forgiveness (this trumps trust), and passion (to include sexual passion). It's important to share dreams, discover what makes someone tick, and to be creative enough to know how to rise above expectations. It's knowing how to 'set free' the forces that drives people to be who they are, its grasping the opportunity of forgiveness, the greatest gift any person will ever provide to someone they love. It's the creation of, or lucking into it, sexual compatibility that identifies all the known barriers and finding comfort, as well as excitement, in whatever is reconciled.

    The last part of the equation boils down to the brain. It's understanding the inherent need to find intellectual fulfillment. This is not achievable in controlling relationships, relationships where jealousy is misunderstood, or in relationships where forgiveness is tethered to something. Forgiveness that is not seen as a 'covenant' itself of the relationship creates cheating. It's a sad outcome, the self-inflicted wound. This is where I am sure I'll get challenged...blaming the victim over the cheater. I would argue that this is why cheating is controversial...because the victim isn't comprehending that it was THEM that cheated first....robbing someone they loved by failing to nurture, which is the #1 obligation in the first place. Failing to nurture is the first relationship betrayal, but, it does not require perfection, and the component of forgiveness addresses the shortcoming.

    So what becomes of the hurt, this failure to nurture? That you give to God who will give you the strength you need to heal, to repair the damage of your nurturing failure, or to let go of the person you lost with the wisdom of the experience and prayer with well wishes for having had the privilege of loving if even for awhile.

    There is no substitute for grace...

    The challenge to set all this up in the beginning is paramount. That's the tricky part...how much patience for nurturing actually exists. There are lots of ways to assess that...a topic for another discussion.
I think that you are correct regarding some couples but certainly not all. As a phone sex operator, I've heard it all. I had a client that had sex with 3 women one day and he was proud of it. He said that he likes variety and that no matter how good a relationship he had with his wife, he didn't want to be limited to 1 lover. The nurturing the wife provided didn't affect his need for variety.

Now there are women (I'm sure men have the same situation) that are in a relationship where the men are ignoring their needs, by being a workaholic (my case) and for other reasons. What should the unfulfilled partner do? She could cheat but in my opinion, she should leave her lover (there are 50 ways to do that, according to the song - sorry it made me think of that lol) or stay. It does get more complicated if there are kids involved or financial need to stay together. I told my boyfriend that since being with him, I can understand for the first time why someone would cheat. I can drop my boyfriend but not everyone could leave a relationship at will.

Thanks for your comment, Leaf.
Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
5/26/2015 11:01 am
    Quoting LeafTreat:
    I probably ducked the answer you were looking for. I'm a very open person. I'll wait further comment as the blog matures.
I'll look forward to your future comments. I like that you're an open person.
Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
5/26/2015 11:05 am
    Quoting  :
Some people flirt a bit but they wouldn't cheat. They just enjoy flirting with others. Flirting changes to cheating when the flirting goes too far. The intent of the person flirting has a bearing, as well as who they flirted with. Interesting question RosesLady. Hopefully others will add their opinions. Thanks for your comment.
Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
5/26/2015 11:33 am
    Quoting spiritwoman45:
    If either of the parties involved sees something as cheating there is an issue that needs to be addressed. It may or may not be "the act" in question. If everyone involved is ok with what goes on it is not for anyone else to label the activity. Sex is blown way out of portion because our culture makes a big deal out of it. The same mechanisms are at work if any deception is involved and are just as symptomatic of individual or relationship issues.
I agree Spirit, thank you . It's hard to consider it cheating when both parties don't feel it is.
Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
5/26/2015 3:19 pm
    Quoting SpunkyLady61:
    Cheating for me is pretty cut and dried, with no gray areas. I've been cheated and cheated and CHEATED ON! I guess I'm just that kind of woman?

    As far as leaf is concerned. BLAME the victim? What a bunch of BULL! Some of us put our heart and soul into the relationship and it's still not enough.

    We seem to pick the same personality type again. The selfish person.

    I have come to the opinion it is best to stay away from anything that would in any way hurt my relationship. Anything that could be construed as flirting. If it hurts my significant other-- it would be off limits.

    It's all has to do within the contexts of the relationship. What is okay in one would not be okay in another. Everyone's personality is different.

    Some men you can trust -- most you can not.

    NO WAY would I want a man who was contacting women on the internet!

    Dr. Phil does not make eye contact with women. Robin does not like the "twinkle twinkle in the eye" games women play -- so Dr. Phil doesn't allow for them to be played. He accommodates Robins rule. I think that is nice.

    Is it really all that complicated? If it hurts your partner-- don't do it.

    If you decide to have a partner-- give them 100% or get out.
I agree with most of what you wrote, Suellen. I don't agree that you're the type of woman that should be cheated on. I think it just means that you picked the wrong men.

I also think that some men or women are too controlling. Let's say you have male friends and you meet a new man. He expects you to stop being friends with them because you are dating him. I have to say that I would stay away from such a man. I wouldn't just say bye to my male friends to please him. I would not ask my boyfriend to drop his female friends either. There are reasonable things to want and there is the need to control who you are dating.

Thanks for your comment.
Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
5/26/2015 4:27 pm
    Quoting  :
I agree that cheating usually involves deception. However, if someone tells their wife that they are going to have sex with someone else and the wife says not to, it is still cheating if he does it. He hasn't lied to her but she isn't in agreement. To me, that's cheating. Thanks for your comment, Liszt.
Elaine Shuel


shuel2002 65F
5537 posts
5/26/2015 9:56 pm
    Quoting  :
I agree completely, Lyn. I'm glad you had such a great time in Nashville. I knew I could count on you to take great pics. I hope everyone checks out your post. Thanks for your comment.
Elaine Shuel




×
×