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Punished by Anger Synchronicity? Maybe. Coincidence? If you believe in them. I was in the process of preparing this post when the latest round of "expressiveness" erupted. The quote was, as often the case, part of my daily inspirational / spiritual reads. Just 2 sentences but it takes a while to get your head around this one. Although it is a quote from Buddha it transcends spiritual and philosophical belief systems. Buddha said: You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger. This article talks about our anger, not the anger of others. I don’t know if I would use the word punished but anger definitely causes physical issues for me. Years ago I found a technique that works for me. Number one is to keep my mouth shut so I don’t do or say things I will regret, becasue I surly will. Unless immediate action is demanded I hold off on doing anything as long as possible. Anger creates a massive wave of energy. I try to withdraw from the situation both physically and mentally, find a constructive place to put this energy and ride the wave. Anger is both short and long term. For the short term there are lots of places to put the energy. My grandmother had a specific direction. She would do yard and field work with a frenzied to work off her anger. My niece, a runner, will go do at least 5K. I tend to do physical things, like attack that piled up housework. Long term anger, such as the kind that follows a bitter divorce, can be used as a driving force to accomplish larger long term goals. I had a friend who used this kind of anger to complete an advanced degree and move on to the career she always wanted. Others have used it as a driving force to launch or grow a new or existing business. Others to dive into long term, often long neglected, home renovation, particularly if it’s do it yourself. The important thing is to understand that anger, no matter how justified, is most detrimental to the person who is angry. If that is our self we need to find a way that will use the energy productively while not harming others. This being said I am off to swim my mile and am adding a few laps for a friend I just talked to who is going through frustration at work. Anyone need me to swim a few more? Today is filled up but tomorrow is another day. Spiritwoman ^i^ |
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9/17/2014 12:34 pm |
I think this is an important topic to talk about. Anger for me it's not something bad, it's ok to be angry. What's bad it's that people do not learn from early age how to deal with it and recognize which one is which, and especially why? (why am I angry, or worst, in rage?), which is a more difficult job to do. There are various types of anger: the reaction formation, flying away from, etc. each one leads to a specific action. But it's also difficult to be aware of that, for instance, if I do something, is to temporarily relieve the tension, but if this tension is not worked through and understood, verbalized, then the tension or anger, will be kept in line, up until another even in life, will awake it, and so on, up until it spreads in the body and makes us ill. (becomes somatic (read, the body reacts in lieu of the words, because there is no more representation, or words that can express that). We are quite complex as humans...everything interrelates with other, hidden, places and times, within ourselves, in reaction to external events. We do not yet have many skills to cope with nowadays stress, pain, suffering.
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9/17/2014 2:29 pm |
That would definitely relieve things for the moment - but you'd probably have to come down here to the US to get away with it. Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/17/2014 2:30 pm |
I think this is an important topic to talk about. Anger for me it's not something bad, it's ok to be angry. What's bad it's that people do not learn from early age how to deal with it and recognize which one is which, and especially why? (why am I angry, or worst, in rage?), which is a more difficult job to do. There are various types of anger: the reaction formation, flying away from, etc. each one leads to a specific action. But it's also difficult to be aware of that, for instance, if I do something, is to temporarily relieve the tension, but if this tension is not worked through and understood, verbalized, then the tension or anger, will be kept in line, up until another even in life, will awake it, and so on, up until it spreads in the body and makes us ill. (becomes somatic (read, the body reacts in lieu of the words, because there is no more representation, or words that can express that). We are quite complex as humans...everything interrelates with other, hidden, places and times, within ourselves, in reaction to external events. We do not yet have many skills to cope with nowadays stress, pain, suffering. Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/17/2014 2:34 pm |
Mostly I try not to post if I am angry. Not worth getting stressed over. My problem is more of using being a smart azz remark to which only fuel the fire. Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/17/2014 2:36 pm |
Be Angry But Sin Not -- the bible says -- don't let the sun go down on your anger!! Anger is basically just irritation -- some stronger then others lol Meditation helps!! Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/17/2014 2:40 pm |
Excellent blog spirit. I agree. Anger causes distinct physical changes in my body. I know because I feel the effects. That is why I try not to become angry and I try my best to stay away from people with toxic anger issues. The main theme of this article was about finding ways not to let anger build becasue it makes us physically ill, even getting into specific illnesses etc. but as I said to another commenter it was way too much to put in a blog. Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/17/2014 5:57 pm |
When I was working with children, I took workshops in how to handle extreme situations.....several were focused on tantrums, or episodes of extreme anger......children typically flail when very angry.....their anger escalated by the frustration of hitting out at empty air........Last week when I was looking after my grandkids all one day, my grandaughter who is almost 6 got very angry at her brother......they were playing together on the floor and suddenly she was screaming and hitting him repeatedly. He is almost 9 and quite a bit bigger, but she was like a wildcat.........he ran to the bathroom and locked the door and his sister was kicking and pounding on the door.......I had never seen her like that before.....I was sort of mesmerized .......then I took her into this hold I was taught many years ago but never had a reason to use at work......You put your arms around them from the back pinning their arms against their sides, bending your knees to pin their legs between......and just hold on...........after a while you can sit down on the floor and still maintain the hold.......when they calm down, you stroke them and say gentle. soothing words...........It worked.......it gives the child something to push against while simultaneously giving them the reassurance that someone who cares has them......holding them.......... yesterday my grandaughter told me that if her mom died she would want me to be her mom.........I wish there was a person that was that much bigger than me who would hold me so tight while I expressed anger.......... Wonder what made your granddaughter so angry? We used to have to hold my youngest granddaughter like that becasue she would simply refuse to do things and fly into an uncontrollable rage yelling "Izzy said NO". The good news is that she developed the skills to handle her feelings fairly easy. Putting a positive spin on it I have to say she is one of the strongest little people I have ever seen. A trait she will need later in life. Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/17/2014 6:17 pm |
People like you and lulu who share your stories and show people that such horrors re survivable are very brave and helpful. You can use my space anytime to get the message out. Others need to hear and understand. Sorry to hear that your therapist couldn't help or at least not realize what was happening and refer you to another who could. Therapists, like all of us "click" better with some than others. A good one knows this and realizes their limitations. As for some of the others - they could use one of those therapists who understand and deal with anger. My life issue was lack of self self esteem (not at all unusual for an ADD learning disabled individual) but I think you can see from my interactions here that is no longer a problem. Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/17/2014 6:19 pm |
I agree Spirit those that have stressful night jobs have a hard time !! Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/17/2014 6:20 pm |
You are welcome. Recognizing and dealing with issues can prevent years of physical complications and needless treatments that only make you feel worse. Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/17/2014 6:24 pm |
Sounds like your divorce anger was expressed just like my friend who completed her master's degree and state licensing as a result of hers. I wonder if perhaps people like you are essentially positive people so put the anger energy to good use. It all came together to make you the person you are today which I am sure includes a much more empathetic teacher who realizes that there is far more to "education" than book learning. Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/17/2014 9:41 pm |
No tire iron in my car. It has run flats. Maybe Detroit's version of gun control? sorry about the smart azz answer but this blog got heavy. Good but heavy. Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/18/2014 1:12 am |
Anger turned inward causes depression......anger turned on others causes alienation......coming at it from several angles seems to be the best way to keep it to a minimum. The first step, in my view, is to identify your own anger style, that of others you deal with on a regular basis and those you grew up with.....your anger models..........your family of origin and other influential adults. I spent a lot of therapy time dealing with imploded, chronic rage from when I was abused as a child and had no power.....taught to be nice and compliant. When I first began my healing work in the early 90s, I was very unconscious of my feelings.......I had been at this work for several months before a therapist asked me to identify the part of my body I felt the feelings in........I was dumbfounded........then a light came on......then my inner sky was filled with fireworks......the proverbial light bulb, but so much more ..........it was in my body........it was like a dam of light had burst and was flooding me and I sat there and wept..........an epiphany......\The therapist asked me what was going on and I managed to get out that I had not known that we were supposed to feel our feelings in our bodies.......I did feel them in my body, but had tried to keep it from my brain........I had too many feelings that I was told were not acceptable, or that were bad........ You can imagine a little girl trying to tell her Christian parents in the 50s that her Dad's best friend was having sex with her......How do you even say that when you are 4 or 5.......my vocabulary was inadequate and I was told I was an evil, bad, dirty little girl and never talk like that again and that Uncle was a good man who loved me...how dare I .....etc.....I became very shy and developed a severe stutter..........and shut down a lot of lines of communication between my body and my feelings and my mind......... I have done a lot of work in this area and the breakthroughs really started happening when I worked on identifying the physiological signs of anger.......so many kinds......the slow-burning, chronic rage expressed as resentment and self-doubt, the sudden volcanic eruption that flowed from my gut like a poison, up into my chest as a burn and simultaneous clenching of hands, stomach, shoulders, buttocks, neck, jaw.....very familiar to most people....the seeing red phenomena........and the tension caused by the suppression of expression.....I never allowed myself to express anger.....and so it festered........ It was revelatory to find this tool of becoming conscious of the body reactions............It becomes a vocabulary of sorts and you start making connections......I filled dozens of journals ........and I learned a lot about others as well....reading people accurately is very useful in social situations......especially co-workers, I found........ One of the main reasons, I think why it is so difficult on this site sometimes.........we have been relying on our reading of people's body language and tone of voice to get clues to the meaning and intentions of their words......even handwritten correspondence gave us clues that we don't have with this technology.......I think we are doing pretty good, considering......OOPS.....kinda went off topic didn't I......or not.....LOL You should write a book about it !!! (sorry still couldn't find how to increase to 3...i push and push Size 3, but it doesn't work-so I made it short)
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9/18/2014 3:22 am |
Hi Spirit: I have had anger my entire adult life as a result of abuse and neglect I suffered as a child. Even though I'm old now and my childhood was over many decades ago, in every dream or daydream I have I am still a little girl suffering the abuse over and over. No-one would ever know how angry I am though because I keep it all inside, mostly because no-one wants to hear about it and also because I know that if if my anger ever came out I could really hurt someone and probably end up in jail.
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9/18/2014 11:04 am |
I feel pity and disdain rather than anger. The level of critical thinking in this place is what one encounters in the general population - pretty low.
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9/18/2014 11:07 am |
Hi Spirit: I have had anger my entire adult life as a result of abuse and neglect I suffered as a child. Even though I'm old now and my childhood was over many decades ago, in every dream or daydream I have I am still a little girl suffering the abuse over and over. No-one would ever know how angry I am though because I keep it all inside, mostly because no-one wants to hear about it and also because I know that if if my anger ever came out I could really hurt someone and probably end up in jail. Spiritwoman ^i^
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9/18/2014 11:11 am |
I feel pity and disdain rather than anger. The level of critical thinking in this place is what one encounters in the general population - pretty low. Spiritwoman ^i^
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