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Need My Space I think I may finally have the answer to why I always end up with engineers / scientific types as partners. While reading and responding to comments on one of my recent blogs one got me thinking about need for personal space. This is a major issue, particularly at our stage in life when many of us have had plenty of opportunity to discover what works for us and have settled into routines and life styles that accommodate us – likely the main reason why relationships are difficult to find and maintain. My biggest issue has always been my need for personal space. I seem to have a larger need in this area than most. Being an artist most of my work is solitary and takes me to another place. Creativity does not have limits or restrictions. Our thoughts exceed the limits of time, space and logic. I am also an ADD person. Us ADD folks are often overwhelmed with input . If we are successful in dealing with this we learn how to retreat to our “safe spaces” for time out when there is too much stimulation. When I am working hours can pass without my even knowing it because I am in my creative place. When overwhelmed with stimulation, like in a shopping mall, I completely space out after the first hour or so. When not in my own space I am actually very social which no doubt confuses many. My first marriage was a disaster because my husband had no concept of boundaries or need for space even though he was also an artist. Perhaps he assumed we shared the same space. Since then I have had both successful and unsuccessful relationships. When I thought about needing space it became apparent that respect of boundaries and space is what made the difference. Back to the engineers and scientists – while their work is very structured in contrast to my complete lack of structure it also takes them to their own space. We don’t invade each other’s space because we neither of us understands much less desire the others. We are comfortable with each other’s times of retreat to our worlds. How much space do you need? Are you comfortable with someone who spends a great deal of time in their own world? Do you feel shut out when this happens? Just wondering how it is for the normals. Spiritwoman ^i^ |
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1/29/2012 7:39 pm |
spirit, I remember even as a child I needed my own little space, my own time. As you know a lot of people don't understand, it was a huge problem between my ex and myself...he just would not let me have that time. I think that's one reason Rob and I got on so well, we each respected the others space. I have about an acre now LOL, but really, I am very happy living by myself, I like people, but also happy to come home to my space. Maybe solitude and being an artist go hand in hand...it used to drive up the wall when I was interrupted while I was painting...I was away..deep in the painting...three interruptions and I couldn't find my way back...put away the brushes..again.
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Spirit: I definitely need lots of space. I must also suffer from ADD because I loath malls. I must have been in the malls here in Arizona maybe 2 or 3 times. I only go when I absolutely have to and never during the holidays because there are too many people. My aunt and uncle invite me to their place when they have family gatherings but I most always decline. I don't care for large crowds and do best one on one or in very small groups. Bruja The wealth of a soul is measured by how much it can feel; its poverty by how little. W. R. Inge
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1/30/2012 1:35 am |
Hi Spirit: Interesting topic. When I think about it, I'm not much of a people person but I'm not that great being a loner either. I guess I prefer being around one other person, but only if they are not too noisy and don't talk too much. Sometimes I go to a coffee shop to be around people, yet when I get there I choose a table as far away from other people as possible. 
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I am really good either way...I don't say I "require" much alone time & space but I don't not like it either. I am pretty much a people person & love to talk with all sorts of people..hear their stories & experiences....got a lot of that as a hair stylist...LOL I lke a balance in all things I guess....even when I cook, sew, clean pretty much anything I can chat hwile doign it or not..I am fine either way. I do respect thos ewho need their space and quiet ...alone time though..my second husband is an artist & really needed his space & that was fine with me. Some believe in destiny, some believe in fate. I believe that happiness is something we create 
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1/30/2012 9:18 am |
I forgot about that definition of extrovert and introvert. It seems to be a good analysis. Spiritwoman ^i^
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Maldives seems to have the highest divorce rate and I believe the reason is explained by what you write in your blog, SpiritLady . My one year spent there was full of meeting people who were going to the 'naming' ceremony of their brother from the mother's last husband's child from his fourth wife who is now married to his mother's cousin's erstwhile second husband. It was rare to come across someone who had not gone through at least three marriages. This happened because with the size that Male (capital of Maldives) is, everyone seems to be breathing down the others' neck which appears to have brought about this situation. In large countries where there is land mass aplenty, the concept of space applies to personal (read cerebral/emotional) space. An excellent post. ^ I believe we should be happy whenever partners are around rather than falling over each other all the time. After all, love is also giving each other requisite space. Have a wonderful day  ."To fight the darkness do not draw your sword, light a candle" - Zarathustra
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