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 | Blogs > Sarah1947 > My Blog > Please Forgive Me |
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I would like to apologize to anyone that I caused any undo stress.....I did not think for a minute that anyone would think that the real me had hurt herself....... Sarah just had to go......... Anyone that has talked with me knows that I have an extreamly busy life......but sarah was becoming an obsession..she was everything I want to be.....she had friends....a place to go on lonely nights.....was always welcome....and men....OMG,,,,she was a flirt ...men wanted her....lusted after her....and a few even maybe loved her.... Sarah would use every excuse in the world to be in that room....and all of a sudden I was late for work....skipping church....missing my classes..blowing my nose because some man I had never laid eyes on had broke my little cyber heart....one night I did not even have time for chutes and ladders..... Sarah had to go...... i had tried to leave the room before and could not do it.....there are to many of you that i love, worry about and care for.....so I made my plan....... I exterminated Sarah....... There are many of you that I would like to get to know better.....the real you....not the room character....because obviously I cannot keep the two seperate...I am not unstable....and would never hurt myself....I like me a bunch....just do not know how to play pretend with out getting involved too deep....... My name is monetta ....my middle name is jean....put it all together and you can find me at the Y....would love to email or chat on IM...just have to stay away from that room.... once again I am sorry from the depths of my soul...and thank you for caring about me..... |
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5/3/2008 8:08 pm |
I have added you to my Y.........accept my invite.
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5/3/2008 8:11 pm |
Sarah, So sorry to see you go, but I do understand! You need to take care of yourself first! I have left chat for awhile and found I have more time to read blogs and other things! Take care and God Bless! Brrr,, it looks cold there!!  1_SweetAngelNM
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5/3/2008 8:20 pm |
 Now, you're talking sense.Carry on, Monette. May Sarah rest in peace.  Never begin your day, with broken pieces of yesterday~classy_baglady
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5/3/2008 9:06 pm |
I read your blog, but didn't comment. What really infuriates me is when people do have sense enough to cry for help in situations, people tend to call them "sick". People aren't sick..they need someone to care and talk to. Intelligent people should recognize this. You wrote what was in your mind and that can be a help in itself. God bless and I only wish the best for you. So, since sarah is gone, what profile and handle will you use that is really you?? That is very important to keeping on the track you wish to be on. huggs, Chloe     What will be will be. Time will show me.
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5/3/2008 9:32 pm |
I do beleive that another "few" women in chat should read this and realize that they are also lost in chat world, and have been causing alot of undue stress on other members because of it.Take a lesson from Sarah, atleast she has the balls to admit it unlike the other few who pass blame blame onto others for their loss of reality !!
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5/3/2008 9:57 pm |
...all that is important is that you are well, monetta jean lady...
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5/3/2008 10:02 pm |
I read your blog, but didn't comment. What really infuriates me is when people do have sense enough to cry for help in situations, people tend to call them "sick". People aren't sick..they need someone to care and talk to. Intelligent people should recognize this. You wrote what was in your mind and that can be a help in itself. God bless and I only wish the best for you. So, since sarah is gone, what profile and handle will you use that is really you?? That is very important to keeping on the track you wish to be on. huggs, Chloe "Anything worth having is worth waiting for." 
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5/3/2008 10:03 pm |
There's a thousand words that I could say To make you come home Oh, seems so long ago you walked away Left me alone I remember what you said to me You were acting so strange and maybe I was too blind to see That you needed a change Was it something I said To make you turn away? To make you walk out and leave me cold If I could just find a way To make it so that you were right here But right now.. I've been sitting here Can't get you off my mind I've tried my best to be a man and be strong I've drove myself insane Wishing I could touch your face But the truth remains.. You're gone.. You're gone.. Baby you're gone Girl you're gone, baby girl, you're gone.. You're gone.. You're... I don't wanna make excuses, baby Won't change the fact that you're gone But if there's something that I could do Won't you please let me know? Time is passing so slowly now Guess that's my life without you and maybe I could change my every day But baby I don't want to So I'll just hang around and find some things to do To take my mind off missing you and I know in my heart You can't say that you don't love me too Please say you do Yeeaah.... I've been sitting here Can't get you off my mind I've tried my best to be a man and be strong I Drove myself insane Wishing I could touch your face But the truth remains You're gone.. You're gone.. You're gone You're gone...you're gone.. you're.... Gone Ohhh... Oh what'll I do If I can't be with you Tell me where will I turn to Baby where will I be Now that we are apart Am I still in your heart? Baby why don't you see? That I need you here with me Oohhh... I've been sitting here Can't get you off my mind I've tried my best to be a man and be strong I've drove myself insane Wishing I could touch your face But the truth remains Been sitting here Can't get you off my mind I've tried my best to be a man and be strong I drove myself insane Wishing I could touch your face But the truth remains You're gone.. You're gone.. You're gone You're gone Gone You're gone.. But the truth remains You're.... No, I don't like Jazz music! 
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5/4/2008 12:05 am |
great to see you back
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5/4/2008 3:26 am |
Apology accepted. Just be yourself from now on. Its a lot easier that way. Also, please put a "LOL" after any future suicide blogs so we'll know you aren't serious.
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5/4/2008 3:59 am |
I'm so glad that you are Alive and that you need to do what makes you happy. If that's leaving things that aren't REAL so be it.If you ever need another friend I am here for you always .God Bless You
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5/4/2008 4:07 am |
Im so glad that you are ok.
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 5/4/2008 4:12 am |
Sarah glad you are o.k. I don't understand the lack of compassion that some people have for a hurting person. Wonder if they would like people to speak to them that way if the shoe was on the other foot. Hugs to you....take care.
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5/4/2008 5:09 am |
I'm glad you are well and hope it all works out for you. For those of us who lost family or friends to suicide, or had a brush with it themselves, your blog brought all that pain back. I'll not accept your apology, won't matter, there are enough people stroking your ego...not me I still think it was vile, cruel and not worth my time any more.
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5/4/2008 5:17 am |
Monetta you are loved more than you could ever know!
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 5/4/2008 6:58 am |
I am glad, to see, that you like yourself and would never think of suicide.... YOU WERE UNHAPPY IN CHAT????YOU WROTE A BLOG LIKE THAT BECAUSE YOU WERE UNHAPPY IN A CHATROOM????WITHOUT ANY, FURTHER, EXPLANATION WHAT SO EVER???? The instantaneous memory your blog brought back, to me, was my friend who took her gun, went into her bedroom closet, closed the door sat down on the floor and proceeded to blow her head apart.... So I have to say I feel as eskay does.... I wanted to vomit when I read your blog....All the memories it stirred up, were hurtful ones....
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5/4/2008 7:15 am |
Sister Sarah You wrote a similar blog a month or two ago...but not to the extreme this one was. If you noticed shortly after that I started calling you sister and invited you to come to Florida with us and have a large time....and I still mean it. You see I recognized the hurt person you where back then and thought that maybe if we were closer it would help you. The chat rooms are for fun and sometimes anything goes...and that includes what is said. But for the most part it is all for our own reality of having a good time and not meant to be taken serious at all. It took me about a week after I joined to figure this out. There was this certain southern man that really flirted with me...but as I saw him come into other chat rooms and say the same things to other woman then I realized never to take any of it too serious. Some people just like to play a role and some people are just big time flirts...and I'm one of them. FYI...I also have a couple of made up names...like one is Sandy and in person Sandy can be such a sexy little vixen... she likes to dance and pretend that she is doing a strip dance. Naturally when I'm done being her its always nice to come back and be me. But to me its all in fun and in private. Will be in touch soon sister. I'm looking to the future and it's out of sight, only in the end shall I take flight.
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5/4/2008 9:14 am |
i agree with eskay and roxie ... when i read your blog, i was afraid you might really kill yourself and i felt helpless. i don't frequent the chatrooms, so i had no idea who you were. i took your words on face value. my sister killed herself ... i've never been able to accept or understand why. enough said.
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5/4/2008 10:03 am |
Monetta you where not the only one with that problem. In the beginning from chat, people did use dial up. They did get in financial problems, because of spending to much time on chat. It was thesame as with alcohol and that kind, it became an addiction. (perhaps i did have it myself, spending 40 - 60 hours a week on chat) Its not only recognition, you also need lot of strength, to stop that, if you don't have professional help for it. I am glad you found this strength. Hope to see you ever again, it was always nice talking with you. May God Bless you.
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5/4/2008 1:51 pm |
It was a very foolish thing you did.....I would hope you'll not let it happen again! 'Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.'
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5/4/2008 10:20 pm |
Sarah, I am so sorry you were so sad, and hurt.I enjoyed chatting with you.Life and some can be cruel, we all found out the hard way. Be the strong and confident and fun woman you are..Hugs girl friend. Peace and happiness+Positive attitude Treasure what you Have.
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5/5/2008 8:26 am |
Sarah amiga watch for my invite ok!!
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5/6/2008 10:23 am |
Sarah, I put in an invite hope you will accept.. Miss our chats. Thank you
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5/7/2008 6:38 pm |
Sweetie, I always thought it was as you have said because your previous blogs sometimes put Sarah in time out -- it was obvious that there were two characters and probably Sarah was the irresponsible child side of you. Now you need to face that you do have a problem -- you easily become addicted to things like chat or use them to procrastinate and put off real life responsibilities. So it is a cry for help but hopefully you know what you need to do. Now just don't get addicted to IM'ing. Maybe you need to put a time limit on how long you can be signed on to Y. I sort of understand how some of the others may feel but it would mean that they didn't read the previous entries. There was a period where I was seriously suicidial and then SFF really saved me. At any hour of the day or night when I was scared and hanging on by my fingernails, I could find someone to talk to. There was a period where I was afraid to go outside my door -- and I was not paranoid -- there really was someone stalking me and he was armed. I needed a police escort to get out of the grocery store. I had to make sure I had no schedule -- was totally unpredictable. So I was scared of the stalker and scared of myself. Not a good combination. So I used SFF and other chat rooms to make a connection. I also got help and antidepressants. When the danger slackened, I started dropping in just to visit. Everyone has their own needs. Hope you find your way.    . . Tracy 
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