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 | Blogs > valentinefeb14 > valentinefeb14 > Men do Give up....I did... |
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After about 30-35...I did give up...sex was nothing anymore...totally meaninglless..I gave up on love...but finally married late...did not work welll..I can not tell about any ohers..I guess I do not share good..... | ||
 4/15/2008 3:32 am |
Hi Val. I got married at 27 to the wrong man, and that was the end of love for 22 years, until he had to leave the home and I got the marriage annulled. I did find true love, but he died 3 yrs ago. Dont give up. Think friend first, then love.I enjoy your sharing.
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4/15/2008 3:52 am |
hi val sorry to hear that...you seem like the perfect gentleman any woman would want to be with but then I guess women want the bad boyz huh? kidding aside...I've been frustrated so many times myself...having so much love to give and no willing recipient. I guess it is quite a big responsibility involving love, trust and respect for someone you have to be with 24/7 that sometimes I feel men are incapable of sharing. these things are second nature to loving, nurturing women and men arent expected to show this side of them. I do think compromise plays a huge factor if two people want to make a relationship work. dont give up dear friend. I am sure you will find the one who will appreciate you for who you are. just like me I am hopeful I will someday. {{HUGZ}} 
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4/15/2008 4:00 am |
Hi Valentine: Good topic. Maybe you just didn't find the right person yet. It sounds like you realize your part in why the relationship(s) didn't work, and that can be a good thing. I don't want to be alone, but I do recognize all too well what my own shortcomings are and also my low tolerance level of men and their B.S.
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 4/15/2008 4:07 am |
Val, I have given up also...just not really interested or can't get interested. I was married at age 18 and it lasted for 30 years. I have been in 3 relationships since then but just lacking in all of those 3. Did you perhaps spend too much energy on sex with the wrong women when you were younger and it became meaningless? Nothing wrong with just being with yourself, having friends, and enjoying life. That is my plans right now. If I do find someone that makes my heart fill with joy, I might give it another whirl, but for now, I will settle for good friendships. 
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4/15/2008 4:28 am |
Sex without love becomes meaningless. It is the ultimate expression of real love which requires trust, respect and genuine affection. While it may be easy to fall in love, it is not easy to love. Every good thing in life takes effort and commitment and there are struggles along every pathway. KW HeadinCloudFeetonGround
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4/15/2008 4:39 am |
HI Val, I can understand I hung up my skates for about 14 years and did not date. Then when I decided to I did date a lot of different men until meeting the one I had a relationship with for a little under 2 years. Now my skates are back on the rack. I think I have been on my own too long to be part of a couple. Kitcat I was not looking for my dreams to interpret my life, but rather for my life to interpret my dreams" (Susan Sontag)
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4/15/2008 4:52 am |
Hey Val...you know me..the "incurable optimist" ......I live, laugh & love with all I am worth and even when it doesn't last I enjoy the journey along the way....every person I have loved throughout my life has given me a memory that has touched my heart or I wouldn't have loved them..... Don't give up "give in" my friend.....allow yourself to enjoy the journey as much as the destination.....Hugs....RED Living my life for the memories I will have....... not the regrets of what never was......
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4/15/2008 5:01 am |
Im wih Robyn on this one, just be a friend , then what will be will be. I think if we go looking ,we miss whats in front of our noses. But when we do fall in love , its a frigile Plant that needs feeding , watering and weeding even LOL . Hope you find happiness again Val .
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4/15/2008 5:02 am |
Oh Jon, don't give up. I notice you don't read my blogs anymore... I miss your comments. You seem to be a very nice gentleman... a little harsh in your judgment and critic about yourself. We love you and your blogs and your comments. Please don't give up. You are part of our SFF family... we care about you. We are your family and friends... will you let us in your heart??? Lovingly yours, Rose
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4/15/2008 5:03 am |
When the right lady is there you will know it. 
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4/15/2008 5:11 am |
When there are two people you are considered a group....There has to be give and take in every department of a relationship....In my opinion.... Val, sex is wonderful and I love it but having a friend and trusted partner is more important....You can have sex with anyone, but finding someone that you want to share the rest of your life with isn't as easy....If it were easy we would all be walking around "happy"....If you, truly, want someone to be with then it will happen, but you have to be open to it....Sometimes, I think, we just try too hard and set ourselves up for disappointment.....
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4/15/2008 5:25 am |
Well maybe if you came to PA you would have a change of thinking my GENTLEMAN ,God Bless
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4/15/2008 5:44 am |
Hello Val...just had to put my two cents worth in....maybe its because I had such a loving relationship with my husband, and the making love was totally awesome and I'm ready to jump into the first bed of a man I care for, as long as its making love....its that or start buying special toys, not ready for that, just find me an old man who fancies this old lady...and watch out for fireworks
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4/15/2008 5:46 am |
Val... Like so many us....you spent too much time trying to get laid and too little time trying to get to know somebody. Well the payoff happens when you get all you want, and all of a sudden realize you didn't want what you got!
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4/15/2008 6:26 am |
Hi ~ Reading this....well, it broke my heart. I think you share well with others just fine....but those others, well they didn't share well with you....and that has nothing at all to do with your worth but has everything to do with the lack of their own. Women like that don't deserve to be in your life. And, what a huge loss for them, sweet man. So, never give up...especially on you. I want to leave you with the following verse from Ehrmann's "Desiderata": Be not cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly to the counsel of the years and gracefully surrender the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in misfortune. Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe. No less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding, as it should. Therefore, be at peace with God, whoever or whatever you conceive Him to be. And, whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all of its shams, drudgery, and broken dreams, it still is a beautiful world. Strive to be happy.
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4/15/2008 6:36 am |
Lots of good comments Val .... I particularly like what both winkay66 and Roxy1946 said. I sometimes become disillusioned too, wondering if I will ever find my one TRUE love. I won't give up the hope of that, and neither should you! 
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4/15/2008 6:52 am |
I agree with Sings beautufully written comment. I am fairly new here and I immediately recognized a kind, caring personality in your comments on all the blogs. You have all the qualities, you need a quality partner.
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4/15/2008 7:14 am |
Awwwwwwwww ... Val ..... You are so unique and you carry your own special kinda love ..... I know in your heart of hearts that you did not give completely up on it .... but on the surface of the heart you did ....  Sending you a smooch and lots of ..... Blessings and Hugsssssssssssssssssssss ..... Pattie
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4/15/2008 7:17 am |
Val, I just do not know how to reply to this. I find it sad to not have known that special all consuming kind of love if only for a little while. You seem to be such a nice caring man. I do know you have a child so at least you have experienced parential love. It is never too late to bump into love and for it to work I believe! I am not sure I Truly "loved" my husband of 23 years. He was a good man but we were not right for each other, he is since remarried to the right woman. I had 8 years with a man I do believe was my soulmate and enjoyed that love. Now I don't know if love will happen for me again. I hope so but if it doesn't I am ok, but haven't given up! Hope you don't!    The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.
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4/15/2008 7:32 am |
The heart is where love resides Val. You my friend have a kind and gracious  . So lets "ac-cen-u-ate the positive, e-lim-i-nate the negative"  Remember that ole song? Blessings Val  Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence...
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4/15/2008 7:48 am |
Val, I'm sorry to hear that, but there is a difference between sex and making love. Sex is just that, but making love with the right person, or even someone you really care about, is so much different. (By the way, I forgot what sex is!) I doubt that I will find that special someone but that is the way life goes. Don't give up, they say there's someone for everyone. (so, where is he?) LOL,, Take care, you nice man and God Bless. Big, big hugs! 
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4/15/2008 7:59 am |
Jon As my friend michianared said...dont give up give in....he he to me!!!! Hugs and Kisses to you sweety. I'm looking to the future and it's out of sight, only in the end shall I take flight.
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4/15/2008 8:22 am |
Val... Like so many us....you spent too much time trying to get laid and too little time trying to get to know somebody. Well the payoff happens when you get all you want, and all of a sudden realize you didn't want what you got! Kitcat I was not looking for my dreams to interpret my life, but rather for my life to interpret my dreams" (Susan Sontag)
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4/15/2008 8:58 am |
Kit....Thank you I'm not always a clown! 
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4/15/2008 9:07 am |
Love maybe just a shadow-?? I just don't know. . .?  When you find out. . . get back to me--OK? 
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4/15/2008 9:51 am |
Oh geeze....cry in your beer ...I think there is a country and western song to that....get over it.......women are like a bus stop...a new one comes along every ten mins...geeeeze..what a cry baby..gimme a break... Phoenix
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4/15/2008 11:33 am |
Maybe you are trying too hard. Everyone knows that when you are really looking for something, you never find it, but when you give up, it suddenly turns up in the most unlikely time and place. Take heart friend, a time and a place for everything and maybe your time isn't now just yet.
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4/15/2008 3:47 pm |
Dearest Jon...you know what I would say to you. Phoenix you are the very men who women hate!!!! You are the one who will never know love!!! (Sorry Jon, had to say that) Hugs, ME
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4/15/2008 6:16 pm |
Val--I really enjoy your comments and especially when you give 60minman a hard time. Don't lose that wonderful spark!! HUGS!
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4/16/2008 12:19 am |
Instead of "giving up," how about giving yourself permission to enjoy the moment? Phoenix, a collection has been taken, and a one-way bus ticket to Timbuktu is enroute via UPS' overnight delivery express.
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4/16/2008 3:50 am |
oh ...valentine..I forgot to ask...you have given up on sex... was that alone ..or with someone?... Phoenix
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4/16/2008 4:58 am |
Quoting Jiminycricket: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Val... Like so many us....you spent too much time trying to get laid and too little time trying to get to know somebody. Well the payoff happens when you get all you want, and all of a sudden realize you didn't want what you got! --------------------------------------------------------------------- Jim...This is so true it is scary...you have my quote vote, if there was a contest...RC Val...don't give up, with your charm...someone is waiting for you!...RC In God's Hands...
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4/16/2008 6:46 am |
Instead of "giving up," how about giving yourself permission to enjoy the moment? Phoenix, a collection has been taken, and a one-way bus ticket to Timbuktu is enroute via UPS' overnight delivery express. Phoenix...I thought you outdid yourself a couple of days ago on another blog...but this is beyond cruel. Someone is reaching out and obviously hurting...you might as well slap people across the face...it would accomplish the same thing. The comments you left on here speak volumes about your character. I almost feel sorry for you.
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4/16/2008 9:36 am |
Sing, that is very generous of you - to pick up the tab for Phoenix's ticket on the looser cruiser. It's too late to cancel UPS, but I will make sure those who contributed to the collection will be reinbursed as soon as you send me your check. Thank-you.
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4/16/2008 10:04 am |
Mercy Mercy...singtomysoul.....I tell it like it is....standup..be a man and quite crying for gawds sake...slap him across the face.. he needs a boot in the azz...and ..the the sad fact is....women because of their mothering complex fall for that dribble...I really dont try to outdo myself ..but..obviously in blogland the opportunities arise ..and I just cant resist......please dont feel sorry for me...I dont take to that very well....feel sorry ..for mr valentine ..he needs it....and loves it... Phoenix
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4/16/2008 10:52 am |
Sing, that is very generous of you - to pick up the tab for Phoenix's ticket on the looser cruiser. It's too late to cancel UPS, but I will make sure those who contributed to the collection will be reinbursed as soon as you send me your check. Thank-you. But either way, I'll make sure Phoenix is aboard.
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4/16/2008 11:46 am |
If Val would stop whining? and Phoenix would stop stabbing people in the back. And Fresh would quit being fresh...Just Think. WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD IT WOULD BE...BETWEEN MY LEGS
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4/16/2008 1:24 pm |
jimmy ....lad..I don't stab anyone in the back...I do it up front ..in your face..like it or not..I tell it as I see it.... Phoenix join me on the trip..FE...perhaps we can also take singalong..with me...I understand I am a good traveling companion.. Phoenix
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4/16/2008 4:44 pm |
Wimp! I agree with Phoenix.
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4/16/2008 6:47 pm |
Val, u are a sweety....I like a man that can show his emotional side and not always try to be tough.. Now Phoenix and Greyfox, that wasn't very nice to say.. Daisy 
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4/16/2008 7:29 pm |
Val how you doing guy, I see some of the bad guys had to jump in and put there two cents in on your blog, you know just putting what you feel out there is better then some can do on here, good for you and the ones that have know type of soul at all, and you know who you are, probably will never had a relationship or could find someone that would want to have a relationship with them, the bus ticket is to good for you, why don't you crawl back in the hole you came out of and find the life you deserve... Val hang in there, you are a good guy, enjoy what you have and hope that more comes along... we can beat ourselves up better bad when we look into the mirror to long, step back and quit looking.... take care... SMILE..IN ..THE ..MIRROR.. DOESN'T ..THAT ..LOOK.. BETTER.... Being human is difficult,.... Becoming human is a life long process,.... To be truly human is a gift........
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4/16/2008 8:13 pm |
Jiminy, I do have a "FreshMouth," and it has nothing to do with minty toothpaste. But...I do know, as far as the Phoenix is concerned, he does sink his teeth into 'em up front. Phoenix, aside from you having to stop to go to the bathroom every 18 miles, and bouncing along in your gas guzzler, spewing black smoke with the bumper stickers that read "THIS SUV ATE AL GORE" and "LIBERALISM IS A MENTAL DISORDER" sure, I think you would be an excellent travelling companion. I can't speak for Sing, but I'll give it a go. I've been thinking of writing something about wacky road trips anyways.
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4/16/2008 9:26 pm |
Beef, really? Check my profile.
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4/16/2008 9:55 pm |
DCbeef....I'm afraid you are really off the mark, thinking Greyfox and Phoenix could never find anyone who would want to have a relationship with them. Greyfox now has a partner, but when he was available, he was considered to be one of the most attractive and alluring men on this site, intellectually and physically. Phoenix also possesses his own kind of allure (when he chooses to express it) and is also one of the most erudite members of this site. For whatever reason, he gets a big kick out of trying to annoy people most of the time.
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4/17/2008 2:57 am |
Aw shucks, FE ... blush .... them were the days ... sigh. Mind you, the expressed appreciation goes both ways. But for me it's now a fait accompli, you are still itchin', rofl. Take care ...
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4/17/2008 7:43 am |
True happiness does not come through another. Where is the next party?
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4/17/2008 8:15 am |
Phoenix, Just perhaps Val means what he says? If other women want to take his feelings with a grain of salt and think they are the ones to change how he feels than so be it. I for one respect just what he is said and I do not believe for a second that I could change them. I accept that what he was sharing was spoken very truthfully. Kitcat I was not looking for my dreams to interpret my life, but rather for my life to interpret my dreams" (Susan Sontag)
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4/17/2008 8:56 am |
Ok.... let me explain myself.... VAl isn't whining Phoenix doesn't stab you in the back FE, you are fresh..but i love it! Ok, see boys and girls sometimes, we don't get it when it's done to us, but we sure can give it to someone else. The golden rule applies....only if I can do unto you first? VAL your consolation prize, if in fact you are a wimp, (which I doubt) is how much more mucho the testosterone filled wimps can feel about themselves.
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4/20/2008 8:11 pm |
When we give up, then things usually happen. We just have to get out of the way, and let God do HIS deal.
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4/20/2008 8:21 pm |
The secret sometimes is, Val, that when one gives up, things happen. We just have to get out of the way and let God do HIS deal. After all, He is in charge....and can find a much better choice than we could have. And for the Neanderthal phoenix, it's pretty widely recognized that the brashest, loudest, most repulsive is the most frightened, timid, and insecure. Sound familiar. It takes a REAL man to say he hurts....and I even like tears. Redneck idiots are everywhere. Someone like Val is hard to find.
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4/22/2008 12:28 pm |
LuckyLady, I can tell you from personal experience, that real-life personas can be 120 degrees from their online one. I once thought I had finally encountered a REAL man in cyberspace, but in REAL life he was the most impotent wimp it was my displeasure to meet. By "impotent," I mean in all respects, beyond the obvious sexual one. Unless you get to know someone behind the scenes, or better yet, meet them in person, making any kind of smug assessment is generally useless.
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4/22/2008 3:12 pm |
Val, never give up. I was married for 38 years, and now, (4 years later) starting to try to meet people again. Life is so short. You seem to be a very nice gentleman.
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4/23/2008 9:11 am |
Dont be condesending.....just because you could be right, doesn't make you right. If we all made all similar judgements on past experiences, we would not have any more experiences at all. So being soft doesn't make you a real man, nor does it make you a wimp. Let's not lose site of what's good for the goose... is good for the gander! It's baseball season.... Just because you don't care for offspeed soft one, doesn't mean you shouldn't look out for the high hard one!
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4/25/2008 3:10 pm |
Val, I had a bad marriage like so many others. but like you I have pretty much given up on that one person who I could make happy and who could make my life happy ever being in my life... I guess maybe there is a little something within all of though, that never quite gives up hoping...YOu are such a great person, keep a little hope alive,
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4/26/2008 6:45 pm |
FreshEmerald, I agree with you that things are seldom what they seem. The only certainty in life is continuous change...with the exception of men....they never change. Sometimes we even surprise ourselves. I had a similar experience to yours, except he revealed himself before we met....saved time, energy, etc.... As for your assumption of my "smug assessments", which I base on the same perception that kept me probing to find the truth about the above mentioned individual, I can judge for myself what I consider to objectionable, without pleasure, or repulsive to me in this venue based on comments/opinions which generally belie behavior. For another to tell me what to think is---presumptious, perhaps? And, I was addressing only Val... to whom I will say, "You're still a neat guy---and will be---as you have been in the past in your comments...unless you prove otherwise",....back to comment about men and change. As for the other one....still stands. Spent a lot of my life caring what others thought. Now, when another attempts to dictate my thought processes and subsequent decisions? lololololololololololololololololololololololololololol
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4/27/2008 8:44 pm |
Val, You sound like a Male version of me except my mariage was over by 30 and I had given up on love and men. This many years later I decided it has been such a waste to be alone and started thinking of the love I had left behind. My advice to you is the same that I have given myself. You have alot to give to that special one.  Julia8114
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4/28/2008 3:39 am |
Ah - never give up - love comes at the most unexpected times - enjoy it and nurture both the love and sex - I personally got married 4 years ago at a "ripe old age" - to a wonderful wonderful man - and I certainly was not looking for it. Have never been so happy. Val awww c'mon you have a lot to offer - don't give up - one never knows.
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4/28/2008 5:21 am |
Val...There is someone out there for everyone...I'm sure you are no exception... Have you ever heard the adage...I went out to find a friend, a friend was not there...I went out to be a friend, and friends were everywhere... To be loved is too love... Maybe you're pushing the wrong button...hugs...remotecontrol In God's Hands...
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4/28/2008 4:22 pm |
Val, you a a caring, kind man...don't give up , and be kind to yourself too ...
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4/29/2008 1:49 pm |
If we ourselves try ensure that what we have to give is as wonderful as we can make it then wonderful things will find their way to us given time.. There is Magic enough for everyone but we firstly have to believe in it!
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4/29/2008 2:37 pm |
Val: Recall that it's attributed to him, that Mark Twain (I think) is said to have quipped: It's easy to give up smoking. I've done it dozens of times!!!! Well.... get aboard with me, and take that same attitude to your s3x life. I, too, have given up.... but am always willing to give the idea a re-start whenever I come on this site and see and read about the DOZENS of lovely sister-ladies there are on here!!!!! P.S. It isn't necessary to have an Oldsmobile with a back seat, or a boat with a down-below-deck.... I'd say that even a comfortable chaise lounge out by your pool might do the trick!!!! Keep on keepin' on!!!!....
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5/1/2008 10:21 am |
Hang in there Val.. you have much to offer with a kind and caring heart! Share your sweet self with others, if only as a friend, and make thier days a bit brighter! I wish we lived closer so we could visit face to face over a cup of coffee and share a hug between two friends!
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5/3/2008 5:54 am |
Val.....I have a male friend who tells me all the time..."any man who doesn't appreciate all you have to offer doesn't deserve you"...and I am telling you the same.... any woman who doesn't appreciate what yo have to offer doesn't deserve you and therefore you should not be giving up but waiting for the "right" one.... don't settle make sure she is deserving... Living my life for the memories I will have....... not the regrets of what never was......
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5/5/2008 7:02 pm |
Sounds like reverse psychology to me and by the looks of the responses it's working well.
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