 | Blogs > TheFinder > A STORYTELLER > The Astromates...Capricorn...4. |
5/20/2008 12:48 am |
"Are you going to see one of your old ladies now?", I asked. "Old Mummy Shaftoe is first on my list so I might as well make an early start. Why do you ask?". "Why not let me come with you? You can say I’m your new helper.", I pleaded. Rachael had her car door open and was about to climb in. She stopped, looking at me with thoughtful brown eyes, considering my proposal as she bit on a thumbnail. Finally… "Get in then, Richard. You’ve got to promise me you’ll behave. These old ladies frighten easily, they’re not comfortable with strangers.". I promised faithfully. Rachael climbed into the drivers seat, reaching over to unlock the passenger door. Old Mummy Shaftoe was a skeleton, topped with cotton-wool hair, who wheezed in delight as Rachael breezed in with me in tow. Rachael had keys to all her old ladies’ homes. She explained it saved the ‘Old Dears’ a half-hour shuffle with Zimmer-frames to open up. Old Mummy Shaftoes’ eyes twinkled in a face wrinkled like an old prune as she sat in her armchair, appraising me with something between a cackle and a dry cough. "Your boyfriend, Rachael?", she cackled and coughed in gummy laugh. Rachael laughed with her but did not explain my presence. She knew it was no good telling a lie, Old Mummy Shaftoe was one shrewd ‘Mamma’! Rachael itemised the shopping in the bag, calling out the prices as she did so. The old lady nodded her skeletal head at each call, her eyes showing she had lost none of her mathematical powers. "Are you looking after my girl?", asked the old girl, giving me a lewd look as she cackle-coughed. "Yes.", I said simply. "I bet you are!", came the wheezy retort. "Mummy Shaftoe! Leave the young man alone and behave yourself.!", exclaimed Rachael as she came in from the kitchen, a bowl of warm water in her hands. She continued to chide the old lady, like a mother with a young child, while, all the time, Old Mummy Shaftoe complained about the water being too hot. I watched as Rachael dealt with her charge, swift sure hands rubbing in ointments and creams into stick-like arms and arthritic hands. The old lady was a child with the sharpest of minds. I only knew I could not do Rachael’s job for all the money in the world, looking after elderly charges who sat each day waiting for God. I could only marvel at Rachael’s dedication. "Let’s be getting you into bed, Old Mummy Shaftoe.", said Rachael, having finished combing the cotton-wool hair. She started to lift the thin bundle. "Let the young man help.", cackled the old girl resolutely, holding herself stiff in the chair. Rachael gave her a stern look but the sharp olive eyes glared back in defiance. "It’s been a long time since I was held in the arms of a young man.", she wheezed. Rachael looked at me, helpless. I nodded, I didn’t mind. "You’re a wicked old lady, that’s what you are!", exclaimed Rachael, then, turning to me, said… "Get her gently under the arms, Richard. I’ll take her legs… That’s it, easy does it.". Old Mummy Shaftoe was a bundle of feathers, light as a whisker as we carried her into the bedroom, me at the head, a bone-creaking middle, with Rachael bringing up the rear. I made train noises as we moved slowly along… "Choo, choo, choo… Choooeee!". Suddenly; horror of horrors! I don’t know how it happened. One minute I had hold of the old lady, the next, she was gone. I had dropped my end! Rachael screamed. I screamed. Old Mummy Shaftoe just blew out little streams of bubbles from her mouth before going stiff. Rachael was on her knees, feeling for a pulse. "Quick, Richard! The phone’s in the front room. Dial for an ambulance!". I dialled, frantic, being told by the operator to calm down, be coherent. I returned to the bedroom. Rachael was on her knees, beginning to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. She stopped, just long enough to order me out of the house. "You shouldn’t be here when they arrive.", she hissed. "I shouldn’t have let you come here in the first place.". The look in her eyes told me she was riddled with guilt, committing the cardinal sin of allowing herself to be swayed away from her duty. She had given room for others to point an accusingly critical finger at her. The wailing sound of the ambulance sounded as I rounded the corner. "That was pure bad luck.", said Alexo when I relayed the story back to him. I agreed, feeling quite guilty that I hadn’t waited to find out how Old Mummy Shaftoe had got on, whether she had survived or not. It’s a funny thing, is guilt. Just when you think it’s away with the wind when it blows right back into your face like some deathly secret, you carry it around like Quasimodos’ hump! Such were my feelings as I stepped into the formidable Social Security building. I hated those grey, faceless, people who invaded my privacy. I was not fit for work, in fact I hated it, so why were these entities determined to chase me into forced labour. If it wasn’t for the regular pittance they paid me, I would tell them what to do with their jobs! I joined the squabble of people who moaned and groaned about wasted time, seeing them called in, one by one, into a clinical office to be grilled by the Gestapo-trained tribunal. The relief of the successful malingerers was evident by the smiles as they withdrew, the gloom obvious for those who had secured hard labour. My name floated out through the open door and I approached with head held high. I would show no fear to the four serious-faced individuals seated at the bench before me, faces which paled into insignificance as I gazed nonchalantly towards the ceiling… I had been interrogated before and knew the drill. "So, you have been claiming benefits, signing statements which signify you have not worked since your last appearance. Is that correct!". My head jerked quickly down from ceiling to face the panel, my eyes seeking out the inquisitors voice. In shock, I stood rooted as I recognised the face, the long thin face of the office-dressed woman from the library, the same one I had proudly exaggerated my work and pay-rates to. I decided I did not feel very well!!! KNOW THYSELF... |
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5/20/2008 1:54 am |
karma kicked into high gear to catch up to richard... kill an old lady / lose the pittance. richard should pair up with mr. bean. they'd be fabulous together.
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5/20/2008 3:41 am |
Drew's right Ron. A second Mr.Bean. I was beginning to think Richard was looking and sounding quite manly, and helping the old woman into the bed. And then of course he let her fall, what else could you expect. This was very funny Ron. Im beginning to think Richard must be a virgin. He hasnt a clue. I had a small morsel of hope for him at the beginning of this date, but its gone with the wind. I thought for a minute he was going to fall in on top of Mrs.Shaftoe and maybe get off with her....hahahaha, would he know she was old Glad he hasnt to go around with ms.Capricorn and see all the "auld ones"that would be too much to bear. Next one is the one Ron..see Im now turning into a poet.  How is cat?
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5/20/2008 5:04 am |
Reading about Rachel tending to her little old lady reminded me of when I was a home health aide.. I did have some sweet patients and also some onery ones too. I don't know whether to feel sorry for Richard or not.. it seems he can't do anything right. Jackie Gleason used to do a character he called "The Poor Soul".. Richard puts me in mind of him.. he was a bit of a baggage and every thing he did blew up in his face. ... I had a feeling he would regret being such horses' patoot to that lady in the library... he'll learn to respect others yet... if he lives long enough. I'm glad to hear that Cat is doing so well...maybe the tumor will be very slow in growing... I hope so..she has had a hard life I'm thinking. Now to sit back and back to the next adventure.. I'm not sure how I feel about the Aquarian..all the ones I've known are very easy to get along with.. but somehow I don't think it will go well for Richard.. not from his track record at any rate.. So now I waited with bated breath..lol Kay xx The longest journeys begin with just one footstep
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5/20/2008 5:54 am |
How the bloody hell did he drop the poor old but very light Ma Shaftoe.Talk about butter fingers.And there was me delighted with the way Richard had suddenly turned into "caring Richard" I should have known better. Looks like he is in big trouble now, he will be worrying about more than his jolly bags. He reminds me of Frank Spencer, nothing goes right for him. Roll on Miss Aquarian, the best sign in the Zodiac  Delighted to see Cat is doing well. 
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5/20/2008 8:01 am |
lol...I feel more and more sorry for Richard....let the Aquarian Lady overlook his clumsiness ...and not cause him to have more accidents - to either himself or to her...
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5/20/2008 11:08 am |
LOL Maybe it's good that some ladies still feel sorry for him.. if he is lucky enough to meet one who happens to feel sorry for him she might let him stay around long enough to realize he is an over anxious school boy with an exagerated libeto.. the boy runs on high octance testerone..lol I'm wondering how he will fare with the aquarian lady, they can be very tender hearted but then again..they can also be very harsh when they think they are being played for a fool. I'm really wondering what the "old harpy lady" from the library is going to do to him..lol maybe she will be his lucky piece... rofl Thank you for inviting me to your comments The longest journeys begin with just one footstep
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5/20/2008 2:08 pm |
The old lady brought back memories of when I worked as an Aide in a nursing home. I actually liked it most of the time, they were mostly sweet with a couple of crotchety old pharts! Richard would be perfect with Mr. Bean...I don't know who Frank Spencer is. Well, your female ornery ladies circle still wait for Richard to find someone and he can drag his jolly bags out of the drawer. Ann May you be in Heaven a half hour before the Devil knows you're dead! Irish Blessing
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