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HUMOUR - THINGS I HEARD IN MY RECENT OUTING  COOKING A STORM A husband came home from work and found his wife scolding a beggar. After pacifying her, he enquired what happened. Wife: “I hate that beggar”. Husband: “Why”? Wife: “Rascal, yesterday I gave him some food. Today he came and gave me a book ‘How to Cook’”. RUNNING FOR LIFE Two campers were hiking in the forest when all of a sudden a bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing them. Both campers start running for their lives, when one of them stops and starts to put on his running shoes. His partner says, “What are you doing? You can’t outrun a bear”. His friend replies, “I don’t have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you”. TONGUE TIED A young man’s mother was living in Miami Beach and he didn’t see her that often. His father was no longer around and he was worried that his mom was lonely. For her birthday, he purchased a rare parrot, trained to speak seven languages. He had a courier deliver the bird to his mother. A few days later, he called. “Ma, what do you think of the bird?” “The bird was good, but a little tough. I have should cooked it longer.” “What? You ate the bird? Ma, the bird was very expensive. It spoke seven languages?” “Oh, excuse me, but if the bird was so smart, why didn’t it say something when I put it in the oven?” HORSING AROUND A man has a racehorse who had never won a race. One day in utter disgust he says to his : “You win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning”. The starting gate opens, all horses take-off except his . He goes close to the gate and there lays his asleep on his back. He kicks the and asks: “Why are you sleeping”. The , half asleep says: “I have to get up at 3 in the morning”. GENEROSITY Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Frank rejects the man in disgust. Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couple of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile. The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers. Frank is outraged by his friend’s act of generosity. “What on earth did you do that for?” shouts Frank. “You know he’s only going to use it on drugs or booze.” Matt replies, “And we weren’t?” RIBBING ADAM At the Sunday School they were teaching how Lord created everything, including human beings. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. “You’re running around with other women,” she charged. “You’re being unreasonable,” Adam responded. “You’re the only woman on earth.” The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. “What do you think you’re doing?” Adam demanded. “Counting your ribs.” "To fight the darkness do not draw your sword, light a candle" - Zarathustra |
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These made me laugh out loud!
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I am glad that you liked this little collection, My frriends - DanDee - many thanks for the visit.  Abelle - I am sure you look great when you laff, Abelle. Traveler - I am glad you enjoyed these, Traveler. Roxy - Good that you laughed and enjoyed these, Roxy. Poet_dancer - Laughing, indeed, is a great feeling, Poet_dancer and laughing with close friends even better.  & KsOCs Have a nice evening/day as applicable in your part of the world. "To fight the darkness do not draw your sword, light a candle" - Zarathustra
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