 | Blogs > DaisyMae100 > SOAP > SHOULD I ACCEPT THEM........ |
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10/19/2009 1:10 pm |
I would accept them only if I liked wearing fur...and not put too much on a gift. It's not like he offered to give you her night gowns. Belle
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 10/19/2009 1:23 pm |
I agree with Belle. I love fur coats and live in fur-coat country. If you feel that way, then accept them. He would probably be happy to see you get use of them, if he saw you in one. Actually, unless they are unusual in some way, he might not even recognize it as one of his wife's furs. You could always use it in the boudoir, if you get my drift.... nothing but a smile, high heels, and a fur stole or coat. lol "The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed." - Chamfort
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10/19/2009 2:11 pm |
I have never been comfortable in "furs" ... ever. Gimme down. It's much more my style. On my bed, on my person ... gimme down!!
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10/19/2009 2:33 pm |
I think it would depend on what the relationship is with the gentleman. You can always see if a good furrier could update them or change the style, somehow.
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 10/19/2009 2:53 pm |
Back when I was married, my ex- asked me, "If I die, will you remarry?" I said "Yes." She asked, "Will you let your new wife use my golf clubs?" I said, "Not possible. She's left-handed...." BAM!!!!!
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10/19/2009 3:05 pm |
ET: YOu are in good company. As a result, MUCH LIKE OIL, there is so much of a demand for down, THAT EVEN DOWN IS UP!!!!!
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10/19/2009 3:34 pm |
Would I be comfortable out, with him wearing his wife's Fur..... Well if HE wanted to wear his wife's fur..that would be his business! however, I would make sure his wife wasn't still attached to it! 
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10/19/2009 4:02 pm |
I guess I don't go where people wear furs. I don't like furs anyway. If you like furs take them. Then reciprocate and give him a gift certificate to a restaurant. He might ask you out to show off the furs. Snoopy say he likes dog fur!  Bye for now! Thank you! .♥. ♫ ♥ ♫ ♥ DENVER ♫¨♥ .♫ ♥ ♫
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10/19/2009 4:09 pm |
You could take them to a furrier and have them re-modeled ... made into vests or a short jacket.
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10/19/2009 5:21 pm |
I am on the fence on this one, I sold mine when I moved to SD, when I visit my son in NY I wish I still had it, he says (my son) that half of his friends are vegetarians and would be horrified, however I noticed that all of then were wearing leather shoes and boots, such hypocrites... I think I would take the fur and as Lulu said have it made up-to-date, I certainly would not wear it if I was in the company of said gentleman.... "Truth, wisdom, love, seek reasons, malice only seeks causes" Johann Kaspar Lavater
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10/19/2009 5:44 pm |
I don't know how it is to wear fur. It will be thanks and no thanks for me. Hugsssss! If you are doubting something, doubt your limits
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10/19/2009 6:12 pm |
I think it depends on why he would want to give them away. Certainly not if you think he may want something in return. But he sincerely wants someone to have them to use rather than having them sit in a furrier's vault being chilled, well then yes. If he thinks they are just warm rags, then, sure, why not. But then, darn, what about if their kids are expecting them to be passed down. Well, then no.
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10/19/2009 7:02 pm |
I would not be comfortable. Bearded has a good point that maybe daughters or daughters-in-law would want them. Would not want to be out to dinner with him, run into his old friends and you can bet someone will comment on the fur. You can buy your own resale fur fairly cheaply and have what you want.
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10/19/2009 7:50 pm |
Probably it depends on your relationship with your friend. If there is no he and she in the works and it's limited to a friendship, why not... if you feel comfortable with it. Different people react differently to accepting belongings of the deceased. Here it is nine years later and I'm still dealing with some of Cindy's clothes, shoes, purses. Much of it went to a Safe House for women; some went to relative small enough to fit; some went to her church. I'm still not done. I offered a bunch to a friend only friend, who didn't know Cindy, but she felt strange about taking it, much of which is unworn and still has tags. In the end it's a personal decision. mm "Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” ~ Andre Gide
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10/19/2009 8:16 pm |
Daisy ~~ I agree with Belle and Smiles. He's offered the furs to you. Take them. Since they are a gift to you -- they will belong to you. Which means alter them if you so desire. Further, I presume he inherited them when his wife passed away. If she didn't specifically designate that they be given to a daughter, daughter-in-law, or any other person/relative, IMO said other person/relative probably has no claim to them. Daisy ~~ For whatever reason he wants you to have them. Please, accept the wonderful gift and enjoy them.  PS If you just can't bring yourself to keep them, please send them my direction. I promise to 1) share with Belle & Smiles and 2) enjoy every minute while wearing the fur!  PS PS Ignore all naysayers!   The positive is there. Sometimes it's just hard to find.
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10/19/2009 9:19 pm |
I say... The old standby,,,, FOLLOW YOUR HEART..if your heart would love them.. take them..better you have them than them to never be used again... ((HUGS)) MarySometimes things fall apart so that other things can fall together.. ♥ .. MARILYN MONROE.
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10/19/2009 9:40 pm |
If you accept them and wear them, beware of animal activists...more than one fur coat has been spray painted with red paint in NYC and elsewhere. As far as the gift, if there are no daughters or daughters-in-law to hand them to, then take them. Why not, a gift!
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10/20/2009 1:46 am |
Would a man feel comfortable wearing his lady friend's deceased husbands clothes? I would never even if it was an Armani suit. I say respectfully decline, offer them to his daughter or daughter in laws, or to your daughter or daughter in laws. You don't need to wear his deceased wife's clothes. How Gauche!!!...Just say thanx but no thanx.
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10/20/2009 4:46 am |
Awe Daisy accept them gracefully and enjoy them, he must think you are special to offer them to you. Enjoy them with no hangups, they are furs not her organs. You don't have to wear them when out with him unless you want too.
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10/20/2009 5:35 am |
An apparent simple question but not so easy to answer practically. I gotta ask. Why are you asking? And with so little information. All it leaves is speculation on both of your motives. So many ladies eager to say yes. Wishful thinking? Seems after tens years he is finally letting go. But transferring the 'feelings' to you. Furs. Plural. Is it that cold there to have more than one? Do you have the room and whats needed to store them? Are they for show? Ergo formal? How many times a year would the be worn. Then only with him? Unless you can offer something more compelling to support the question. I gotta say no. And suggest they be offered to a charitable organization. A happy find for one looking and a few coin for the charity to dispense to the needy. Good 'feelings' for all?
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10/20/2009 6:12 am |
 ......Little more to the story......The gentleman has no children.....the niece he was close to passed 2 years ago from Alcohol...... He says his heart has been mine a long time.......but I don't feel the same for him......I consider him a gentleman and a friend..... He bought the Coats for his wife when she accompanied him to his work in foreign countries.....the functions they had to attend required well dressed......she would have been out of place without a Fur..... I'm sure the Furs are still modern.....don't think they go out of style that much.....and they are exactly my size....
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10/20/2009 7:32 am |
Hi Daisy: If you decide to take them, I wouldn't wear them in Toronto because there are animal activists walking around with spray paint cans looking for women in fur coats or even faux furs that look too real. I personally am against wearing fur.
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10/20/2009 10:43 am |
ET: YOu are in good company. As a result, MUCH LIKE OIL, there is so much of a demand for down, THAT EVEN DOWN IS UP!!!!!
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10/20/2009 12:24 pm |
You would be shunned if you wore a fur coat in Ireland, maybe shot too
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10/20/2009 2:07 pm |
An apparent simple question but not so easy to answer practically. I gotta ask. Why are you asking? And with so little information. All it leaves is speculation on both of your motives. So many ladies eager to say yes. Wishful thinking? Seems after tens years he is finally letting go. But transferring the 'feelings' to you. Furs. Plural. Is it that cold there to have more than one? Do you have the room and whats needed to store them? Are they for show? Ergo formal? How many times a year would the be worn. Then only with him? Unless you can offer something more compelling to support the question. I gotta say no. And suggest they be offered to a charitable organization. A happy find for one looking and a few coin for the charity to dispense to the needy. Good 'feelings' for all? Robyn ... here, too ... least amongst animal protection lovers. I can truly say a "fur" would not suit me on either end of the totum pole. I am simply NOT a fur baby.
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10/20/2009 2:48 pm |
You could take them to a furrier and have them re-modeled ... made into vests or a short jacket.
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10/20/2009 2:49 pm |
I still say no. Agree with C3C5. Suggest that he donate them to a women's shelter, or any organization that provides assistance to others. Most all have auctions and would go to a very good cause.
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10/20/2009 5:15 pm |
Well, you've received more than a few suggestions. I'll simply say HELLO, LADY! (and) BABY, it's cold outside! lalalalala lol Blessings
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10/20/2009 6:28 pm |
Well, you've received more than a few suggestions. I'll simply say HELLO, LADY! (and) BABY, it's cold outside! lalalalala lol Blessings
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10/20/2009 7:06 pm |
DaisyMae, I happen to like furs. I inherited a mink coat from my mother-in-law, and I will wear it proudly. But, before accepting furs from a "gentleman", I would try to be sure that the gentleman isn't expecting any favors from you in return for giving you the furs. If the gentleman is just a friend of yours, and you know he does not have ulterior motives, I wouldn't have any qualms about accepting the furs. If you don't like the style of the furs, you can always have them altered. Or, if you already have more than a friendship with this man, again there shouldn't be a problem. A lot depends on the relationship you have with this man, in my opinion. Make sure you know where you stand before accepting the furs, if you are so inclined. Genie I celebrate myself today. I am alive and growing. I will strive to be the best I can be each and every day.
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10/20/2009 7:30 pm |
......Little more to the story......The gentleman has no children.....the niece he was close to passed 2 years ago from Alcohol...... He says his heart has been mine a long time.......but I don't feel the same for him......I consider him a gentleman and a friend..... He bought the Coats for his wife when she accompanied him to his work in foreign countries.....the functions they had to attend required well dressed......she would have been out of place without a Fur..... I'm sure the Furs are still modern.....don't think they go out of style that much.....and they are exactly my size.... Okay. On some level, I think you answered your own question, as well as my previous question to you. You just said he told you his heart has been yours for a long time, but that you don't feel the same way about him. This, to me, would represent a red flag. Think of it logically: if he considers you as more than a friend, and you accept the furs, then you might be giving the man false hope, and he might assume incorrectly that you have developed feelings for him. So, if I were you, I would either not accept the furs, or I would make it CRYSTAL CLEAR to him that, if you decide to accept the furs, this does not mean that you consider him as more than a friend. Genie I celebrate myself today. I am alive and growing. I will strive to be the best I can be each and every day.
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10/20/2009 7:57 pm |
Hi Daisy After your last update about his feeling for you; 1. I voted before your latest response as a "No do not accept them" and am now convinced of my answer. 2.His giving of the furs is not really a gift for you, it is a reason for him to be in your company more often. By giving, he could be inserting himself where it may not be welcome.. 3. I am not saying he is trying to buy you but in his mind, he is definitely creating a reason to be around... Good Luck!
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10/21/2009 1:21 pm |
Patti: Hard question to answer. I think I would say thanks but no thanks. I think along the same lines as 50tall. Bill
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10/21/2009 11:44 pm |
Tell him to send them to this woman who lives in cold weather. I will wear them proudly...lol just kidding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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10/22/2009 11:12 pm |
If it gets very cold in your area, why not? Just make it clear from the start, if their your property you can do with them, what you like...and there are no special favors att'd., because of an very generous gift! I've lived in Montreal and Toronto during winter season and my fur was never damaged, but it certainly kept me warm! Now it's stored and I'm sad, it hasn't been cold enough around here to feel such comfort! Altered or not ~ Enjoy!
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10/25/2009 5:55 am |
of course you should take them-its either you or the moths.Why not use something you can use when the owner is deceased.10 yrs is along time ago and this man has moved on or he would not have offered to keep your feet warm when you got to Mars,lol Go for it.And I love those silver shoes myself. Annette
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