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It does not hurt to have these expectations for young children; they can be conveyed kindly but firmly, yet flexibly with regard to age and ability. I agree with Maisie about the toilet training.
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I remember my oldest daughter was about 18-20 months old and sitting on the potty chair, holding her dress hem up, tears rolling down her cheeks, training panties down around her ankles. She kept saying...diaper, diaper. So I did something........I took her picture!  I will find it and post it. Mom's are rotten, especially a Mom with a strange sense of humor. Her Dad was in the Navy and overseas. I sent him the picture and he put it in an album of pictures I sent of him every 2 weeks so he could see her progress.
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Wise comments here, ET. Children grow up imitating their parents, so the first teaching is to give them good example.  Trust in dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.(Khalil Gibran)
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Children have a lifetime in front of them and they need to know how to cope with what lies before them. I don't think you can give a child too much training, they need all you can give them. Alfie...
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1/21/2015 10:39 am |
In general I agree with Listz. It's a difficult balance to validate children's feelings and protect their self esteem while teaching them that if they want to succeed and stay out of jail or mental institutions society expects you to adhere to structure and behaviors as well as understanding that we can not inflict our own discontent and issues on others. I was quite permissive with my children's at home behavior but somehow made it clear that manners and consideration were expected from society. I remember telling one of my daughters something like "there is nothing really wrong with what you did (are doing) but you can't do it at school (or other situation) becasue it annoys the teacher and gets you into trouble. We need to think of something else you can do that does not make the teacher mad. As they grew old enough to understand we had our list of things you could not say or do out of the house or if others were present. When they were old enough to understand we had the action and resulting consequences / better choices discussion. My kids hated it but it worked. I remember one of them getting frustrated and saying something like "Do we really have to talk about this? Can't you just hit me like other parents do?". Spiritwoman ^i^
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The question about potty training is "who is really getting trained, the child or the parent?" I went by Dr. T. Berry Brazelton's recommendation and let my son potty train himself. Once my son "trained himself" he never had an accident and refused to even wear "pull ups" to bed (absolutely refused to the point of throwing a temper tantrum). There comes a time when the child decides he doesn't care to sit in wet or soiled diapers. Manners and washing hands, never too soon to get started as far as I am concerned. I am with you ET, best to leave the parenting to the parents and not get into it...
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Well my hubby was in the Air Force so his being away so much left me to do much of the upbringing, although when he was home, he was an excellent father who really got involved! I have to admit that my mom would come to visit from out of town & it was with her help that we potty trained my son. Poor mom only had girls on which to base her teachings lol.
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Earthy I don't think there are any guidelines as far as age goes as to when you should teach a child to be potty trained, wash his hands etc. They learn quickly and if they are ready they will be doing it. Teaching them to say please and thank you goes far in my books. Obviously the child is advanced for his age or otherwise he wouldn't be doing it. Big kudos to him.
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I agree with everyone here. Won't go into much more detail except to say this is why I have a low regard for social workers. I can be friends with them, but I've met few of them that I can say I have much respect for their judgment. Nice blog ET. GBU all, Gavin
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I read the blog and comments again and for the life of me cannot understand how you interpreted it as a criticism of social workers......who have some of the hardest jobs in the world.......they all have caseloads way beyond stated recommendations and frequently burn out because of the emotionally challenging decisions they make on a daily basis. And you, I suppose know all about their jobs and the "judgements" they make and the policies and the many regulations they must abide by.........I re-read the blog and ET doesn't even specify if it was the social worker who made the statement about the grandkids........and yet you feel justified in judging a person's response to a situation you know absolutely nothing about except one sentence from a third person.......ET doesn't judge, she just uses it as a jumping-off position for a discussion......and no one else judges.......just saying........I guess you should edit your greeting to " GBU (except for social workers)."..... GBU, Gavin
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