 | Blogs > CountryGirl1945 > Dixie Doodles > I LOVE the way we make each other think. |
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I have my favorite bloggers, as most of you do. And I Love the way they make me think. But most of the time my response/comment gets so long I delete it and say to myself "I'll blog instead". Then I don't take the time. Michiannared, a dear Friend, and one of my favorite bloggers inspired me today with her blog on past relationships. I'm a people watcher, and the way I see it there are a lot of people that had a wonderful relationship and now are widowed. They want someone just like the one they lost. Not gonna happen folks, sorry. There are divorced people who are looking for the same/same one, because they were the cause of the divorce and now they are sorry and can't get over loosing the one they hurt. As I see it, if they got back together with that person there would be so many changes they probably wouldn't make it the second time around either. People grow and change. If you realize that and put the past in the past where it belongs, the future would look a lot better. Everyone has the capacity to be Cheaters, Abusers, Drug addicts, Alcoholics, Bad money handler, Overly critical, Socially retarded, Lazy, Politically incorrect, and many other things to numerous to mention, that cause break-ups. We don't say "Can't wait to find me another one like that". No, we say "Never again", but studies have shown that most of the time we gravitate to the same kind of people. Even when we think we have gone as far the other way as we possibly can, eventually we fine some of the same traits in the 'new' person if we are looking for them. That's because we are all human. Some human frailties we can forgive and move on , some we can't. I feel it's a conscious choice we make. Having rambled on with my personal opinion, let me tell you about Me. In my marriage I was made to feel inferior, dumb, inadequate, and pretty close to being a slave. I was accused of being unfaithful and under suspicion constantly. I had to account for every minute of my day. It wasn't till after my divorce that people (Friends???) told me of his affairs. I was told if I left him he would take my children away. The only way I coped was to spend my time raising my children, and in a way that they wouldn't be like him, if possible. I'm so glad to be away from that. I Love my life now. Since my divorce I've had two serious relationships. Both of them started out with them offering me the world, and I got sucked in. Both turned out to be Needy, Clinging, Users, with no character, moral or otherwise. I'm glad to be out of both. If I feel myself being attracted to someone, that's the first thing I look for. So far I haven't met one that doesn't have those traits. Most of the men I meet want to 'Teach me', 'show me the world', 'expose me to the finer thing in life'. LOL....I guess it's because of my life style. I'm just a Country Girl, and that's all I want to be. Everything looks impossible for the people who never try anything Jean Louis Etienne |
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 6/17/2009 11:35 am |
Hi CountryGirl, Very interesting blog, and thank you for sharing about yourself. I can relate so much to the first paragraph.How we survived that I'll never know. My second marriage was good, happy and we were both independent people. He was taken from me 5 years ago. As you probably know, I have met someone here who is not even remotely like either of my husbands and I find his very positive outlook and great sense of humour very uplifting. He is also loving and caring and completely honest. He might be embarrassed if he reads this but he doesnt come into blogs much.
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6/17/2009 11:37 am |
Hi Barb..Thanks for the credits here...LOL and a good friend you are...and agree we sure do make each other think! I also totally agree with you and if it was only easy to just let go of the ....who...what ..we are attracted to it sure would be easier...wouldn't it...ROFL Makes me a bit leary for sure... if I like him a lot I figure there must be something wrong with him...  Living my life for the memories I will have....... not the regrets of what never was......
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6/17/2009 2:07 pm |
Sounds like some us of knew the same man??? You suppose they are cloned? If you like him a lot ... there IS usually something wrong with him!!! "Silver threads are woven into the web of life"
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6/17/2009 3:49 pm |
We look for the same traits sub-consciously. There is something in our personality that needs fulfilling..and certain personalities draw us. We can either go with it..and just enjoy it while we can...or do intensive therapy, which may, or may not work, or let men alone. My answer to it is to let men alone.  Belle
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 6/17/2009 5:05 pm |
I agree with you Barb  I love my life & lifestyle.The only thing I would change is having more help with the boys.They need a good male role model.I swear you are my sister  I know my dad worked in Florida one time Shay2006.... Embarrassing my children......Just one more service I offer.  
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6/17/2009 5:06 pm |
I agree with you Barb I love my life & lifestyle.The only thing I would change is having more help with the boys.They need a good male role model. I swear you are my sister I know my dad worked in Florida one time Shay2006.... Embarrassing my children......Just one more service I offer.
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6/17/2009 5:48 pm |
Thanks Barb, I really don't understand why it's so hard for all of us to find the right man. After all, we are wonderful, intelligent, attractive and sexy!!!! Seriously, I've been thinking, we're all too set in our ways. Men don't want to uproot themselves, if they do find the right woman, and vice versa.
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6/17/2009 6:47 pm |
Ladies - I can relate to everything you've written... I've been there and done that. After 20 years alone and 12 years of working on myself I decided to approach a possible relationship from a different angle. We females seemed to have been programmed to lead with our hearts... try leading with your head instead. Use your common sense, your logic, your years of bad relationships as a springboard. Forget the chemistry, look for someone who has the qualities you want, look for the intelligence and sense of humour, look for the stability and the kind heart, in short; look for someone to enhance your life, lead with your head and then................. give your heart a chance to catch up. It may take awhile but it can happen. Happiness is where we find it, but rarely where we seek it. J. Petit Senn
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6/17/2009 9:34 pm |
I'm certainly not one to give advice on relationships but the Country Girl I saw in Nashville was a fun loving, good natured girl that any guy would be lucky to tie up with. Keep smiling, it's the shortest distance between two people. Last night I gave up smokin, women and drinkin. Let me tell you. That was the worst 15 minutes of my life !!!!!!! The shortest distance beween two people is a smile. Victor Borge
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6/18/2009 7:11 am |
I uprooted my life twice for a man. One I moved a few hundred miles for and the other half-way around the world. I had to start over again both times. You learn to get out quick after the first one instead of staying in a bad marriage for almost 20 yrs. I will never say never but boy I would really have to be in love again. If you don't have chemistry it won't work. If you don't have security it won't work either!
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6/18/2009 9:09 am |
I was alone for 9 years after my husband died, and was totally happy with myself and my life. It had basically been a good marriage, but not one that I wanted to repeat. There was no way that I could imagine uprooting my life for a man, or even having one in my life again. I guess that is why I was so surprised when I found Joe. WOW, what different lives we had led, yet somehow we are a match for each other, as those who know us can tell. It truly was barefoot country gal meets big city guy, but I guess our basic values were alike, so the other things were just window dressing. "One love - one life time" from the Phantom of the Opera
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6/18/2009 12:40 pm |
Barb: In my opinion, You are a True Lady, & a wonderful person. Intelligent, experienced, creative, sensible, just a very good person. I think most of us have expectations that are unrealistic too begin with. I agree we tend to look for the same things in any future possible relationship. Even tho we know those are things that will kill us, & the relationship. As too 'letting go', for some of us, it isn't that hard. Bill
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