 | Blogs > CountryGirl1945 > Dixie Doodles > If you are easily offended, don't read |
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First a little background info to let you know how this happened. Awhile back my Friend Shay wrote a blog about buying things from Television adds. You know those 'Miracle' products that never work at home like they did in the add. She said she had found one that really did what if said it would. It's called 'SMOOTH AWAY',and it removes hair from your body painlessly. I saw them in the Drug store a couple of days ago and bought me one. I read the directions which said, "make 3 circles clockwise, and 3 circles counter clockwise". Everything worked just like it said, and my legs were de-haired, and ex-foliated, even though it took quite a while. Then I tried the small one on my upper lip, and that worked too. Amazing, I kinda like this thing. Then I tried my underarms, and was disappointed. It didn't work so well there. Now, how about that other area, do I dare? If you know me, you already know the answer to that. Soooooo, I proceeded to do the 3 clockwise, and 3 counter clockwise, even though I couldn't see. Some of you know how that is, you pull the tummy back to see, and the Boobs are in the way, you pull the boobs back, and now the Tummy blocks your view. O-K, so I work as best I can round and round. After awhile, I stop and feel to see how it's going, or not going LOL. OMG, what is that? I grabbed a mirror, and looked. I hadn't removed any hair at all, just matted it together in these huge hairball looking things. Some of them looked like DREADLOCKS. I grabbed some duct tape out of the kitchen drawer, taped my Boobs to my sides,so I could see. I got the scissors and proceeded to clip them off, over the toilet bowl. One was so tight, I nipped my skin. I don't give up easily, so I trimmed the rest of the hair, and started over. I looked a couple of times, and it seemed to work in some places, and not in others. BUT, the whole area was looking kinda GROSS, and I really needed to finish the job. So I kept going. Till I felt this slight irritation, that quickly turned into a burn, then excruciating pain. I took another look. Have you ever saw a Dog with "Red Mange"? That's what it looked/looks like. Bright red skin, with patches of hair scattered around. I grabbed the best lotion I have (a gift from Shay), and rubbed some in to stop the burn. Then I called my Best GF, and told her what had happened. Me, "Hey, did you ever try your 'smooth away' on your Pubic area". Shay, "No, why did you"? Me, "Yes". Shay, (Laughing) "How did it work for you"? Me, "Well, I'm sitting here on the couch, with a fan blowing on it. It's covered in lotion, and THROBBING like it hasn't THROBBED in YEARS. It looks like a Dog with Red Mange, but the good news is, it smells like PINEAPPLE". We talked some more, or I talked and she laughed, and it finally stopped burning so bad. Then I went to work, and it started itching. Shay said I should blog about this in the third person. I decided not to, because I think if you can't laugh at yourself, you have no right to laugh at others. And I want the right to laugh at all of you when you do something dumb.  That's my story, "laugh if you've got one". P.S. "I'm glad I don't have a man that would see this, OMG  "Everything looks impossible for the people who never try anything Jean Louis Etienne |
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5/7/2009 11:26 am |
LMAO.....egad. Get someone to bring you some Desitin..the THICK kind...you know the baby butt healer? It helps with razor burn..so I think it will help uhmmmmmm uhhhh....down there.  Belle
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5/7/2009 11:27 am |
YOU just gave me the best laugh I have had in sometime...........gosh darn bet that smarted.............thanks for sharing ...we need a good laugh sometimes.............
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 5/7/2009 12:03 pm |
Hi Countrygirl. I dont know whether to laugh at you, or cry for you and your pain. Think a hug would be much better. 
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 5/7/2009 12:11 pm |
Laffin so hard heah! Your Title should have also said *Beware! May need your Depends!* Thanks Barb, I needed this good laff! BTW, I'm gonna send a copy of this to my local girl friends! Still laffin! 
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5/7/2009 12:27 pm |
Toooo funny....to us.... not you of course....and real close to wetting myself here Living my life for the memories I will have....... not the regrets of what never was......
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5/7/2009 12:57 pm |
I'm sorry you had some pain, but this was funnier than any of the jokes I've heard or read in a long, long time!
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5/7/2009 1:09 pm |
OMG, how painful  Thanks for the laugh though 
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5/7/2009 1:14 pm |
Laffin through your pain! Head in Clouds Feet on Ground
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5/7/2009 1:50 pm |
Hiya my darling girlfriend CG, LMAO my my lots of time twindling your thumbs huh? I feel sorry for you gf, but it's just so funny!!! You just have to try down there, haven't you??? and to go to the length of taping your boobs to your side... sorry gf darling, I try to picture you finishing the job with your boobs taped to your side, is just too much. Take care & hugssss Luv ya   
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5/7/2009 2:01 pm |
I can only compare your dilemma with catching the head of "little Johnny" in the zipper. Thats when you really question "going commando" is really worth it. "Pickin up hookers, instead of my pen I let the words of my youth slip away." - Willie Nelson
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5/7/2009 2:03 pm |
OMG, OMG, OMG!!! When you said some of them looked like dreadlocks and you taped your boobs to your sides...I lost it!! Sitting here still laughing trying to visualize it....maybe I don't want to. Do ya s'pose they would use you for a "testimony" on QVC or an Informercial?? That would be one Informercial I would actually watch!!Would you repeat the story in person in Nashville? AnnMay you be in Heaven a half hour before the Devil knows you're dead! Irish Blessing
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5/7/2009 2:40 pm |
Hi CG That is sooo funny! Real glad you blogged about it, has kick started my morning! Cheers Sparkles11 
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5/7/2009 2:57 pm |
I cannot stop laughing! Since I live close, I'll offer to bring you the Desitin....the THICK kind. I won't say I won't be smirking and giggling though.
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5/7/2009 3:14 pm |
Barbara, I would have to come in and check things out today of all days.. the best thing you can get for that area is butt paste.. you'll find it in the baby section at wal mart or where ever.. also udder cream is very good too. I used to have some "pink cream" that is what it was called for my M.I.L. but that was a formula made up special by some drs here in Tupelo, can't get it any more. I would like to say thanks for the laugh, things haven't been too laughable around here, I've been fighting to get healthy again and this weather isn't helping me. Cant' seem to get off the O2..I laughed until I couldn't quit choking.. Thanks a bunch. The longest journeys begin with just one footstep
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5/7/2009 3:39 pm |
 This is just too funny!If GoodCarma is still having best blog contests this would win hands down! I's a headed to dust my nose and hope you have a quick healing. This would be about the time you'd meet a great guy. 
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5/7/2009 4:18 pm |
The visuals had me in hysterics ! Thanks for the laughs.
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5/7/2009 4:34 pm |
After I stooped laughing I have a question, what in the world do you need a Brazilian wax was job, or in your case a rub job, I have never been that brave "Truth, wisdom, love, seek reasons, malice only seeks causes" Johann Kaspar Lavater
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5/7/2009 4:37 pm |
You DO realize, don't you, that you are going to have to look several of us in the face in a couple weeks... and we will probably bust out laughing! Sure hope you are all healed up before then and not too uncomfortable. "One love - one life time" from the Phantom of the Opera
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5/7/2009 4:55 pm |
Barb: You a country girl, so you should have some "Bag Balm" around some place.giggle giggle, ah hell ROARING!! LMAO!!!! Ya gotta watch what that Shay tells ya. Ya know?? giggle giggle. Bill
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5/7/2009 4:59 pm |
Ohhhh, I am still laughing.....Did that contraption say you could use down there? Dread locks, too funny, I'm still laughing...I gotta tell my friend at work about this.
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5/7/2009 5:32 pm |
Barb, I am laughing so hard I can barely see the keyboard. It is funny enough you did it and even funnier that you shared it. LOL Once I was watching "The real housewives of Orange county and they took a poor naive,innocent girl to a spa and had them give her a wax job...she was screaming, yelling, and couldn't believe the predicament she was in. Then to add insult to injury, they told her she had to keep this up and do it again in two weeks. Was that in your instructions? Going for it again in 2 weeks now that you have practiced? giggle Hope you don't mind, but I want to share this with a friend not on SFF. Barbe
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5/7/2009 6:20 pm |
...'bout peed my pants laughing at your description (not your pain!). I'm still laughing... My greatest fear is that there is no PMS, and that THIS is my real personality!
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5/7/2009 6:56 pm |
OMG what a sight. You should have made a video, you would probably won the $100,000.00. ROFLMAO.
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5/7/2009 7:10 pm |
Oh dear...I'm sorry I laughed, it must be dreadful. Reminds me of the night I reached in the drawer of my night table...a tube of KY jelly and a tube of Mentholated Deep Heating Rub...inches apart...well need say no more as this cow girl, slapped some on (the wrong some) and ran screaming to the bathroom..nothing helps. Oh what we do to our selves....hope you are feeling much better now, Hugs witchy 
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5/7/2009 8:05 pm |
OMG you did it! Now you didn't tell me about the duct tape I'm laughing all over again You know we are all gonna want to know how Miss Kitty is doing when you get to Nashville. Can't wait to see you again. Bald and all Shay2006.... Embarrassing my children......Just one more service I offer.  
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5/7/2009 8:52 pm |
What a good story lol...you poor thing..........its the best laugh i have had in awhile,thanks for shareing it lol MA    
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5/8/2009 12:52 am |
I TOLD MYSELF NOT TO LAUGH BUT OMG I CAN'T HELP IT.I LAUGHED TILL I cried. YOU POOR THING, I DON'T ENVY YOU I AM HERE IF YOU NEED ME]
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5/8/2009 5:10 am |
TOoooooo funny We need to post a warning about drinking liquids while reading certain blogs, needless to say I had to get a towel..... Hoping you smartin goes away soon....ouchies Gunilupis
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5/8/2009 7:10 am |
Country, I have visual now, and it ain't pretty. Red mange, smells like pineapple, plus dreadlocks.........any new SO should probably be delayed for about 6 weeks. AZ If you can read this, thank a teacher. If it is in English, thank a Veteran
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5/8/2009 7:49 am |
OMG.... that is so funny. You made my day reading this. Boy some of the "PAINS" women go through to be beautiful. LOL Bruja ”'Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawakened.' - Anatole France
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5/8/2009 9:33 am |
you should have titled your blog "The Ring of Fire" Too funny abd very brave of you to share. Thanks for a good laugh and a warning heeded.
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5/8/2009 12:09 pm |
you gave me a good laugh and i needed one. thanks for sharing this.--joyce3
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5/8/2009 1:40 pm |
Were you planning on wearing a bikini soon? I certainly hope not!!! Sooo funny!!
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5/8/2009 1:52 pm |
oh dear, oh dear!! funny BUT!! I laughed at MrsJoe's comment about the fact that you will be face to face with a few who will know your story! LOL I'm off now to read the sequel. 
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5/8/2009 7:43 pm |
OOOWWWW! Maybe try "Monkey Butt" powder? I sure do feel for you. I got one of those lady razors and haven't had the nerve to try it. It looks like it has little teeth all over it.
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5/11/2009 9:47 pm |
I am rolling in the floor laughing and tears in my eyes, lol... oh boy lol, and now when it grows back you get to walk around scratchin lol
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5/16/2009 10:27 pm |
way to go girl to much hair keep it clean mmmmm
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5/31/2009 10:52 am |
I must have used the same thing when I was in my twenties. I bought some of that cream in a tube to remove leg hair and used it one time and has not had another hair on my legs since...all these years...did not put it anywhere else. The rest is left for razors....Girl,you really made my day with this one.lol...OUCH...for your pain...Yea, the diaper ointment will work... We need to let others know about reactions to products....
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